the mysterious gift of God

2009-06-30T21:21:00.003+08:00

Long time no blog, just wanna upload some pics... of some of my newest toys.

2009-03-30T22:49:00.002+08:00

Hey there, just wanna update on what i am doing nowadays. For those who dunno, i am in CMPB awaiting to become a pilot trainee. Chances are, i think i will fail the first few trials. Cos i know i am not Pilot calibre, but i will give my best so dun feel sad for me :)

Well, life seems pretty boring for me right now, like nothing to look forward to? My faith is failing and my friends are getting busy. No girl to talk to, the only people i talk to also are going through hard times. Life seems pretty bad at this point of time. I no longer get free food and have to pay for transport, food and recreation and that is blowing a hole in my pocket. SIGH.

Maybe thats growing up? learning to live with lesser. I dunno...

OH, i know, i will start a new topic that i can talk about online. I shall name it...

.........The Cube : Perspectives from a single...........

Hmmm, why a cube. Here's why, sometimes we are like squares, we see things in straight logic, and even if we try hard to escape the system of life, we end back to square one. Pretty Square eh...

Well, hopefully my 3D ponderings can help me unravel the mysteries of life that bugs me so. Lets see, what shall we talk about today?

" should students get hitched? "

Hmmmm, well lets get one things straight. Its natural for all to "fall in love" when we start hitting puberty, when our PPs develop and bodies start maturing. But should students start dating?

For me, I have started dating girls since i was in primary school. My first girl was my buddy, we hit along well, and weirdly she would follow me everywhere i go. er... i think i will stop there.

Thinking about restraints when dating as students... firstly is time. Time might not really be on our side. But when both parties are in school with similar lifestyles, it is actually not a bad thing. But like when i entered Poly, irregular timings make dating slightly more complex.

Next is monetary capability. As students we still live off our parents, unless you actually bother to work, we do not have the ability to bring our dates to great expensive places most of the time. Well, lucky you if you and your partner have cheap similar hobbies that you both dun mind doing everytime you meet... And going dutch for a date, coming up with the most "romantic" date all the time is seriously draining...

another factor i feel that might pose as a danger for students is ... SEXUAL CURIOSITY.. yeah the big S word that every body knows. With the media nowadays, maybe even kindergarden kids will know how to have sex. and it brainwashes us into the wrong mindset of relationships. And i tell you, once you engage even once, prepare to be part of a downward spiral. Only morals and strong determination can save you in this area. We should learn to respect the opposite sex, and try to lay off those itchy hands.

Another factor is mindset, honestly in secondary school when we grow up slightly faster, we think we are matured and can handle bigger things. Well, sorry kids, even adults screw up big time. You think you know "love"? sadly, sometimes we have to go through like 3-4 breakups to know slightly what we want from our partners.

Yeah, so i feel like students can date, in fact you should. But I suggest that all students stay in the dating mode till they are older then get abit more serious. Believe me, you will not regret it.

Always keep your options open too, the person you are dating may not be the one for you. Maybe you were attracted to the person for some reasons, but keep it open. You will really know if the person is meant for you.

And if you wanna get very serious, date at least a year. Get to know the person inside out. You will need to reflect lots.

Anyway, I do not regret all the relationships i have been in...

Sigh and if you break up, its not the end of the world. The Sea is very very big, there are alot of fishes. So do not fret!

( oh yeah, a lady told me that if a girl wants to break up with you, usually its because they most likely fell for someone else. So keep the open mindset! it will save you ! )

if you are a student and you do not have someone, take the time to study hard and invest in yourself. Cos in the end life is like a business, you dun wanna check the balance sheet and shake your head when you see the times wasted away on someone not of worth.

In the end, learn to love yourself more. Loving yourself is the first step to freedom. Loving others is how you live your life, but you do not hold yourself accountable to others, you hold yourself accountable to yourself. You lose if you do not give it your all.

K enough on this, gotta get some rest. Good night folks :)

2009-03-16T02:00:00.002+08:00

Ah the dreaded 22nd i will receive my posting, and whether i make it to OCS is entirely a matter i do not wish to deliberate upon in my head now. one week more and back to a line in a army song...

" Here we go again...
same old shit again... "

Haha. Enjoy singing while marching. COUGAR PRIDE!

Oh well. i do enjoy shooting and blowing things up, all the explosions seems worthwhile.

So how have i've been spending my time? hmmm good question.

Sat I went to teach Sab guitar, she seems to grasp the concepts pretty fast, but i got bored and slept while teaching her halfway. LOL. Her mum stuffed me with her leftovers. haha. Somehow i cant eat as much as when i am in tekong, seems to burn more there, thats why.

Then i went to attend a so called service, or rather i would call it, a meeting. Its called "PROFIT" or ....

" PROfessionals Fellowship of Indian Talents "

Its purely a indian community based meeting organised by GEMS to hunt Indian Talents to spread the gospel. The speaker hardly used the word of God in his message, I can still remember the reference he made, ACTS chap 16, regarding Apollos and Aquilis, tentmakers. Sigh, It was held in 7 days adventist church. And oh yeah, they are very well equipped for a tiny church, but the indian worship team sucks, no offense guys, you were anyhow whacking, the youths in my church can take you on anytime.

I wanted to leave almost 30 mins into the meeting, cos the worship was giving me a headache, try imagining a SUPER SUPER enthu worship leader, leading worship enthusiastically, but completely oblivious to the noise and disorganization of the band. Terrible. I had to worship in struggle. but then my mum asked me to stay so i stayed to hear the message if there were any...

NONE, just a marketing event. How earthly can this people sound.

Somehow i took my leave, met up with the rest of my family and went to Pulai Springs for a overnight stay in a executive suite. It was bigger than the suites i remember from the retreat or thats what i think...

Learned to play mahjong and a new game using poker cards, that 3 cards in order makes tens then see how many cards you have left. I did not know mahjong was so fun! I played about 6 to 7 rounds, haha i won 3. I always snatch my God mum's chance of winning. haha.

Then slept around 5 am, woke up at 9.30 for a terrible breakfast, I bet some of you guys from QLC can remember how bad the food is at the hotel. Went swimming, made some small friends, And had a massage! YAY MY FIRST FULL BACK MASSAGE! wasnt shiok but i felt great after doing it. After that i went to the spoilt jacuzzi soaked awhile and then bunked the sauna with lester for a session of detox. Shagged. Then played basketball, challenged lester, leon and their dad. Ragingly shagging.

Then had a lunch, a long one, then it was a long drive back home, went to my cousin's place, was bored, played guitar and sang for about an hour, came up with cool ideas for songs, and came back here, chiong all my facebook games and now typing this entry.

Ah long day, but thank God that its this way. I dun wanna waste my leaves.

Sigh, My spiritual life is no longer exciting me, GOD PLS KICK ME IN THE ASS TO GET ME BACK INTO MOTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol. it works ya know.

Oh well, God knows best la hor, I am leaving some decision making to him. Like my life partner, what am i to do with my life, my goals, blah.

Oh yeah went IT show also, this year one was good. I managed to get a cheap printer. and bought myself some "high quality" earphones to listen to my crap. haha.

Restringed my guitar too, no using D'addario's EXP coating strings, gauge 11, for my acoustic, went to Davis to fix the neck too. now it sounds like a maestro. haha, I think paul and darren's guitar still sounds the best lah. Learning ways to play solos too, esp in the key of G, I messed around with the E minor scales all over the neck, tried variations like pentatonic and melodics, got some pretty cool riffs, stuck with one now, hopefully it can be a signature in my solos in the future.

Singing for me is on off, I have a bad cough this few days man, but no better. I would choke when i laugh ( which is alot ) and cough out phlegm thats like yellow custard. Yeah its very very thick. I think its the weather man, its messing with my body. Guess I am still very weak la. so easy cannot adapt...

might be going overseas for the sake of going overseas... so please Lord, let it be a nice place.

KK going to chill now.

Ivan out!

2009-03-08T13:23:00.002+08:00

Hi all, as you all know, i am currently doing my National Service. As the details of my training is sensitive information, i shall not dwell further into it. But I can say that I am beginning to adapt to Army life, and may sign up to become a pilot if i have the chance.

Do not get me wrong, I still want to pursue music. However, I still need a day job to sustain me. And now that i think i have more ability to control my life than ever. This financial freedom which i seek, would hopefully assist my mum and me to lead a happy life.

By which i understand that there is alot of hardship along the way. But which comfort is of no cost? I just want to live a life where i have my own roof over my own head, without having to account to more than 1 person. I seek freedom, and I am prepared to work for it.

I have to stop dreaming, Singapore is not the place where most dreams come true. For the shortcomings of dreamers are only too harsh here for artists. Music for me will suffice only if God deem so.

My stay in army allows me to drift from God, for its a place where ungodliness festers. But its where darkness do light truly shines its brightest. I struggle day after day in tekong, trying to hold on to my faith. And i seek no reward, but just that i can live to see what i need to see.

Drastic as my language is, I depress myself over certain truths that mankind have fallen to. We are victims of our sinful nature. And the true dangers lies in the people who think they are saved.

They are the more vulnerable ones, they pride over the fact that their sins are forgiven and look at others with pity. I pity those fools who think that they are truly saved through only one genuine confession. Please my friends, Is a righteous man who reads God's word once a month or once a year, less "Holy" than a "holy" man who studies the word everyday? No. He is not.

Cos under the judgment of God, we are one and the same, we are the descendants of a fallen humanity, and by mercy, saved through the blood of the Risen Son, the Christ.

I am not justifying myself, but i bring myself condemnation. Day by day i become the typical " I am not worthy " guy who wants to have no association with the place which reminds him of how low he is.

God has restraint from me what i long now. the warmth of a woman whom i can call my lover. For I have not met one who can say she truly loves me. I sour at the sight of happy couples, and i lull my reasoning with "logic". I know that I am not ready for a real lasting relationship. For God is still clouding me. But I know through the darkness, I can reach out, and faintly feel those fingers, which belongs to the one whom i long for.

Love is a poisonous drink that corrupts my profession. My emotions hinder me. Every book out, I wander empty. Not having a single clue what truly makes me happy. I feel so rejected by society the moment i shaved off the last old hair of mine. I have converted myself, and gave myself for disposal to the SAF. This new phase of life, I have grown to love, where only pain and hardship exists. But its through this pain, I see more than ever. I have lived a life of waste.

22 years of my life is gone now, I can never get it back. I cannot remember a time which i bled for anything. I was too complacent.

3 months of Army, and how i wished i had studied a bit harder, learn to abstain from relationships better. I have made mistakes which could have been easily avoided. This is the devil's victories. But I know God will still be victorious. For I know His glory shines brighter than the fallen one.God will prevail.

Thats all from me about what i have to say this time. Will try to update with something lighter the next time round. CYA

2008-12-09T11:26:00.003+08:00

Hi all, FYI I am going away to the far away land of PuLaU TeKoNg to serve my due. lol. The hair will be gone, and the muscles will be toned. But i will be ok. So dun worry, i will see most of you on christmas eve and the day itself.

Sadly, My beloved mum is away on a missions trip in Cambodia ( pray for her ) with the BB boys ( pray for them too ) and my God mum will be away in vietnam and they will not be able to see me off on that day. sigh, oh wells.

Honestly, I am nervous about this whole army thing, although i have alot advices and tips from my friends who are already in the army. And sadly i cant really go in with a peace of mind... here's why...

1. My Grandma

She insists on staying alone by herself and says that other people are a nuisance. She can hardly move due to her hips cos of her osteoporosis and she hardly have energy to do anything... I have a strong feeling that she will be too lazy to feed herself and she might fall sick easily... whom i am not sure who will take care of her if i am not around...

2. The dance

Ah my head is gonna explode with this one. Partly i am disappointed with myself for failing NAPHA is purely because of this. The dance is not completed and the first dance is this saturday!!! AHHHHHHHH. and worse. some of the dancers treat this like a joke and do not want to be serious. i cant take this ego nonsense from this crap head people. Yer know, i really wanna punch them big time. but i will leave it for army to toughen me up so i can knock them out real good :)

3. My relationship

My relationship is kinda in a mess. Going into army like this is pure suicide. But i have to be more optimistic about this, army will be a whole new phase of life for me :) so i can break from reality :)

4. others.

Some other reasons include ministry, like the EM band and the yf worship team. I feel strongly that i need to help out...

My cousin leon, he will be staying with my grandma... poor guy. But at least he will enjoy the new nintendo WII that we bought. lol

other reasons i am afraid of being forgotten. yer know, when you come back and like no one recognises you? Already I feel like everyone takes me for granted already... but to be forgotten? haha i tell you the truth. If I am forgotten in church, I plan to find a new one...

You know, My mum said that God gave her a message regarding me, that if i do not spend time with God, i will bear my own consequences. Actually i already feel like i am in this trap. I hate being busy everyday. I hate rushing around. BUT WHY THE HELL I TAKE SO MANY THINGS UP IN THE FIRST PLACE! and worse, no one really wanna help me. No one! there is no such thing as sincerity in this bloody world. Everyone is just bloody selfish. All they think about is themselves!

Sigh. K not all... i thank God that i have a few bros that i know they are 99% honest and sincere... sigh. I guess i am not that special after all. But i will still do my best in this dreadful world. I will still struggle with God.

Father, chain my hands to your word lest i fall, i fall on solid ground.

I am going to settle my army stuff later. And haha i give up checking who reads this blog sometimes, i just feel like no one ever reads it. so do leave a comment now and then, it will brighten up my day.

So brothers and sisters, please please please learn to place others before you. And learn to speak in love and gentleness. We can make a difference! I know we can! lets not be like the rest in behavior. Lets show them that even sheeps can be king of the animals, basing our strengths on humility and integrity.

Please pray for me, and if anyone who reads this? please talk to mavis too, she can be very lonely at times, and she needs people to talk to. but dun offend her too much k? lonely people are sensitive people :)

K the next entry is probably after a long time to come. so take care of yourselves. GOD BLESS.

GOOD BYE.

2008-11-13T23:50:00.002+08:00

Perspective. Everything's about it. One matter,many views. You could be right or you could be dead wrong. You could be following your "conscience", you could be following God's. But its your power to define and discern that makes you have the right perspective about stuff...

Do i have the right perspective about matters revolving around me? not really. I can clearly say i plow through my life just like a oxen in the padi fields, with no intended directions but only straight.

What holds for us tomorrow? only God knows. So i just do my best each day and "prayerfully" breath the inevitable. The future. Its not near, but it does not seem pretty damn far as well...

Am i emotional? Am i a radical? Is my sense of logic illogical? Am i just stupid? or do i see everybody around me somehow living a lie? What do we live for? honestly? Have you really thought about this? Its easy to come up with answers, but do we live by the principles of our answers?

Its fear. An unknown fear that has crippled people to doing stupid things. Its a fear planted by the world, Its a fear that Satan allowed the world to inherit. Its the insecurity of the world. Thats what we all fear. Thats why we are hated.

The world hates christians. Because they do not understand us.

Its like fearing the unexplainable. Ghosts, aliens, monsters... you fear them cos you do not know them. "If you cant beat em, join them" is a very popular lingo these days, thats how frail humanity is. We break at reality. Thats why we "dream".

We brainwash ourselves, giving ourselves concluded purposes to our lives, and hopefully to live a life without regrets. Now let me ask you? is it any more different from drug traffickers, rapist, murderers? no. God has simply put it. No matter the magnitude of our undoing, sin is sin. All of us are condemned.

Thats where Christ kicks in, the foundation of our being. The only reason of living. Cos if we are all condemned to hell, committing suicide will shorten our journey there. We need christ. We need a foundation. We need christ in the foundation.

When i look at myself in the "mirror" (of my heart) I see a man with no hopes. Its really better if the world has one "me" gotten rid off. Then again, who am i to take away my own life? even killing yourself is a crime.

So that aside, why do you live? have you thought about it?

I see the church, And i am not judging, but i can say many of us might not make it to heaven. but then based on this philosophy we live wary lives meeting ends due while juggling to clear our guilts through our service or self justifications to our own principalities. Can you see how disgusting man has become already?

No, I am not saying that the earth is better off without men, but i am pretty sure that though God knew that this (this current times) is going to happen, THIS is not his plan. I am pretty sure of it.

Our world is linked directly with the kingdom of God. The world we refer to as the "supernatural world", but basing my theory on how our world works, I would think that the supernatural world regards the material world as "supernatural" itself. Cos it would be non existing unless God wanted it to happen. So God made it happen, and 10,000 plus years, here we stand.

Mankind reaches peaks in discovery, high ones and low ones. Amazingly, technology advances whenever its regarding indulgences and destruction. what about cure for cancer and stuff like that? Nah, no money. Reality crushes any heroes in this world.

But I'd like to believe that the kingdom of God is closer than we think it is. Its because we're "co-existing". Two worlds together. Thats what i feel. Our actions here can contribute to creation or destruction. And this cause-and-effect is not bounded by space and time. In fact, i believe that if i am right, mankind might not make it to the point of us making time machines or stuff like that... cos we're not permitted to. Anyway i dun think we're capable of producing a mechanism that can control the power of controlling space and time...

But wouldnt that be cool? time shifts and ripped fabrics of time and space. its all sci fi and human "creative" creations. Have you heard of the Chaos theory? Or is it called theory X? I cant remember, it was popular in the apocalyptic era.

Ah oh well. Conspiracies and Theories, whatever makes me happy. I guess i rambled my frustrations off. Meaning i can sleep a little better tonight. good night :)

2008-10-27T23:47:00.014+08:00

Hi ya all! lots of stuff to upload today! cos yesterday and today were just packed with interesting stuff! Thank God! haha.

Ok first up we have pastor Jermyn to lead the YF with group 2 on why we should go to church. His testimonies really touched my heart!

then we used a game for an analogy. It's captain ball with a rubber ducky ( though i think using a balloon will suit the analogy better) Can you guess whats the moral of the story? I will try to get the pics from Christine soon! lots of pics i took with her cam!

Then we came back and Jermyn summed up the lesson of the day. The reason we go to church is to...

1. Meet God!
2. Fellowship!

And Next up is the task to show what they have learnt...

QLC GOT TALENT!

With judges...

Randy Jackson ( me. hahaha)
Paula Abdul ( Felicia )
Simon Cowell ( Donovan Wong )

The challenge was simple : there are 3 categories ( skit, song, poem ) and they are marked by the following criteria...

Creativity ------ 20 marks
Effort(gp effort) ---- 20 marks
relevancy ------ 30 marks
Personal touch ------ 30 marks

total ------ 100 marks

So here are some of the gp effort pics!

And Group 4 won with an award winning skit. lol. haha but i have to give credit to the other groups, esp group 3, who really tried their best, their poem was good but if they had more creative ways of presenting it, they would have won.

And oh yeah, I will try to upload the vids of the group performances. Will ask from evie!

and following that went to meet my friends for lunch and chit chat about Army stuff and later we went to watch MAX PAYNE! OH MY GOODNESS! ITS SUCH A PAYNE TO WATCH THAT MOVIE! IT SUCKS SO BAD. not that the graphics sucks.BUT THE STORY LINE IS NOT CONSISTENT, IT HAS A LAME PLOT AND ITS STUUUUUUPPPPPPIIIIDDDD! DUN WATCH! YOUR COMPO WRITING SKILLS WILL DROP!!!!!!!!!!!

after that was an even more interesting event. My God mum (youngest aunt) knows a famous dance instructor cos her company is involved. His name is Sunny Low, founder of the Sunny Low dance school. and get this, My mum used to dance for him in her younger days... sadly he cannot remember her... oh well.

So whats this event? Its the finals of the Singapore International dance competition 2008. You know those scene in Dirty Dancing where they compete in a ballroom where dinner is served and the spectators savor the dance as entertainment when the dancers compete to be the best in a category? Yup its like that.

I will upload some good photos soon but heres some with my own phone.

Haha heres a vid of my cousin dancing on the dance floor when theres a intermission. Its embarrassing cos its like dirtying the sacred dance floor! haha. sorry its side ways...

And yeah after that i asked lester to come over my place to help out with the Bouna Vista Dance item. We choreograph til 2 and after that i KOed til next day (which today) noon

Today i went to east coast with my cousin, Leon, who persistently dragged the family to east coast to play with the new skate board, the street wave board. here's a pic of how it looks like...

Its my first time! boy its scary at first, but i managed to work it out in maybe ... 30 minutes? By some heavy trial and error also la. lol. I thought i was kinda good for my first time :) here's a vid.

and i rode the thing non stop for 3 hours! haha i got cramps everywhere except for my left arm. ( mavis said i haolian, ah but i tried my best not to be arrogant liao... )

then when i went home, although my whole body is in pain, i was struck by inspiration when i was playing my guitar ;) This vid is taken when i am very tired ( eg. like now ) ( but i still wanna blog this first >.< )

Hmmm i am kinda happy with it though i planned it to be faster one... just that i really very tired. ( can see my face bloat alot right )

Hmmm oh wells, i kinda know that there are people who cant love others easily. Well i kinda love people easily cos i wanna see the best in people :) I really pray that God will touch the lives of people with bitter hearts, cos i know they need God's love more than others. So pray for them k?

Ok i really need to sleep. Got groceries to do tomorrow and there's dance practice and Chorale at night, not to mention i need to go to Bugis to look for something... K GOOD NIGHT!

2008-10-25T15:16:00.008+08:00

FUN TIME WITH JSS KIDS

Hi all, here to just update with some of the stuff i have been involved in this month, I now have 4 students, so thats pretty much the story. Its kinda tough teaching people with no music knowledge at all, so i should stop saying stuff to that guy like "er you know... its much easier to teach that person than you..."

OH LOOK! Its me and some sec one kids from Jurong Secondary doing random stuff!

Justin Mui from LCCS called me and Jo to help out with this. Its some kind of amazing race, using historic landmarks around city hall area, wow, i never knew got so many interesting things around, I really thank God i went :)

The above vid is a challenge, they have to find the spot where sir stamford raffles first landed in singapore and pose like him for a min. haha

The next vid is a task where they have to find the merlion and find 5 tourist to sing a song to, they got a little over enthusiastic. >.<

haha, doesnt the lady look like Demi Moore? she got offended when i said that this vid is going youtube, haha man...

the picture is taken cos we need to show the group at this place. Can you guess where? probably not, cos we blocked the object in the end, We're at Fort Canning Park!

In the end i made friends with 2 of them, haha one of them really reminds me of mavis. Its more like she is elsie and mavis combine. ( ah the energy of youthfulness! sob i feel so old... ) and a guy... who later confessed that he has feelings for me... ok... enough about that!

All in all i enjoyed this journey, Justin asked me to share about my experiences in service about 2 weeks from now. so watch out for it!
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LOL Monster hunter madness!
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The new obsession with one hit KO! lol

The first vid was actually an accident where we ( Gordon and me )coincidentally left the poor monster at 1 HP. lol, so when things like this happen, you chance on it!

The next vid is justin , whose ranking is basically GOD-LIKE!, tried to one hit KO a monster but failed! he underestimate the opponent! lol

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Oooh the pulau ubin trip!
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The trip was fun, no accidents, THANK GOD!, rained but it brought us closer i guess. But what i remembered which was the most significant time was when i ride up a ramp in the advance trail! it does not look scary in the vid but i assure you, it can be quite intimidating, cos you have this sensation that you gonna fall anytime ( in fact the first time i succeeded the ramp i flew and crashed in to the ground, but i rolled in the grass so i was not injured at all! ) This vid is my 3rd attempt, my last attempt. after that yuki chased us to go... sob

AH... crap dunno where it went... ah such a glorious moment.

Oh well hear more from me next time! see ya!

2008-10-10T23:32:00.005+08:00

The Takamine EGS330SC! Woot!

ALL RIGHT! MY FIRST ACOUSTIC GUITAR! haha yeah its my first, I am so happy with it ( cos i paid half the cost with the money from the GST package... lol) AND ITS MY FIRST ACOUSTIC GUITAR! NO MORE BORROWING FROM OTHERS! WOOOTS!

haha heres some pics to show ya!

SO HERE ARE THE 3 BABES! ACOUSTIC in front, CLASSICAL at the back, ELECTRIC at the side! WOO HOO! I GO #&$^%@&# WHEN I LOOK AT THIS PIC!

okok gotta slp! ROCK ON AND LOVE ALWAYS!

2008-10-09T01:02:00.003+08:00

Just some thoughts...

Ya know, how can anyone say that they truly understand what you are going through? How many times when you are down and someone comes up to you and say "hey, i know what you are going through..." and suddenly you feel a little lighter? Is it magical? or are we deluding ourselves?

I chased a cat yesterday, was lunching with my grandma and the corner of my eye caught the sight of the cat darting in. It was smart... it ran straight under the sofa, hoping for us not to notice it. Out of anger, I ran to the newspaper stack, rolled it up and smacked the sofa real hard (this is not my first encounter with the animal) and it ran out in fear. But thats not enough for me.

I ran after it. In my flip flops, i ran like i never ran before. The cat was no match for me. Although it had about 5-6 metres headstart i was closing the gap. we dashed down the corridor and up the stairs. It was so close.

Then BANG, i unknowingly knocked down a parked bicycle in the spur of the moment. As my conscience took over, i slowed down and watch the pesky figure get away. Then with a sigh, i went to clean up the mess. The owner of the house came out, asking me what happened. i told her about the cat. She said "why chase the cat to this extend?"

People in church ask me, hey can you help me with this? I say yes ( as usual ) cause i see it a pleasure to serve. But then my family and friends ask me, hey you free? I will give them the usual "church". It does seem that i have no life, but the church is my life. I can honestly say that i have done more significant things in church than at home.

Someone one day asked me, "still busy", I replied shabbily, "yeah...". "Go slow". Hey man, do i carry the profile "I'm Busy" with me everywhere i go? Yeah I have a grandma with attention seeking problems, i have a few groups of close friends, I have my girl, But do i complain all the time?

Yeah i know i am complaining, mavis told me a joke from the noose this morning.

" the average singaporean complains about an average of 4 times a day when he/she is unhappy, and when happy? about 3 times. " LOL

haha guess what, I am an average singaporean. Kinda proud of that. Maybe i am like a girl in YF, who just had an IPOD gift, would be worried if there is nothing to worry about. Ah the sky's gonna drop... oh wait, I have not done this, done th...

Evil. Someone emailed me to not procrastinate about my worship ppt slides, and CC the email to almost everyone in the ministry. Saying he is graceful. Peh. You cant hide your lying eyes... You think i always anyhow do worship one is it? I am almost running out of songs that the old folks would appreciate and worship with... You cant truely understand. I watched a family today, so happy, though maybe they are struggling abit financially, but they got each other.

I want my own life, if i can i wanna restart everything. Too many bad decisions. too many mistakes. But i cant regret. I can only plough through whats to come.

My honest opinion, lets be sincere to one another. If we hate that person, go to the person and tell them what you dun like about him/her. And lets deal with it. Or not, learn to forgive and forget, something that i am trained to do in my family. If we harbor any hatred for each other, the person who loses is yourself. The party who overcomes himself takes the advantage, you lose out.

When you are angry and sad, we do stupid things. Sometimes things that we might regret our whole lives. But the truth is that, its not the end. Let us not be victims of a vicious cycle that might turn into a maelstrom or whirlpool for others. Lets all be more mature and think about others. Be sensitive, and always give a helping hand. Lets give without asking for anything unreasonable in return.

One problem that i see in alot of people today is that they know they have a problem, and yet they dont wanna deal with it. Once i had a friend, who smokes everywhere he goes, and when i persuade him to quit, he will say, "yeah, i know its bad man, i wanna quit, let me quit once i finish this pack" he's still smoking til today.

Why i wonder? is this the reality of the bondage of sin? Are people so blinded by their pleasure? sure i have my own problems, and i am struggling. But yet the more i struggle, it becomes stronger and harder to quit. It has grown to an addiction.

but i will not give up. And because i have fallen so low, so that i can understand how most people feel about their problems. I know i stand a place to help those who need more than just a sincere smile.

I feel that i have to say this, " LOVE YOUR UNLOVED

Love one another. before its too late. peace out.

2008-10-06T21:42:00.005+08:00

Yesterday was our 5th month anniversary so i thought i'd do something for her

I LOVE MAVIS!

take that, you silly girl say i never blog about you. lol. These five months were a great five months together. Though we have our differences and disagreements, I really treasure you more and more. Sorry for being a guy who jumps at assumptions easily, i do think too much sometimes. I guess i am learning to trust you more and more! So once again...

I LOVE MAVIS!

2008-09-29T15:06:00.006+08:00

Hi all, long time no blog. But hey... better late than never right? lol

Ok. Let me blog about some of the stuff that i feel are worth blogging about k? alot of things.
_________________________________________________

THE FIRST SINGAPORE F1 NIGHT RACE

gosh i missed the practice and qualifiers, but i have no regrets. So happened to be in front of the TV last night at 7 plus, and the race was on. I watched all 3 hours of the race. I always used to think, how hard can racing be? i was so wrong. After watching i think you need to have talent. they racing for almost 3 hours, and travelling at an average 250 km/h. WOW! i admire racers now...
_________________________________________________

Angelina's birthday

Hmmm, this was unexpectedly enjoyable outing, though i had much negativity about it all the way. partly because she kept pushing me to do stuff, but i did pretty much everything on my own accord in the end. Here's some pictures

2008-09-03T22:07:00.002+08:00

Hi Guys, wow really long never update. KK i have to admit, i was lazy. Guess what? My school days are actually over... sadly my family wants me to get a job immediately. So i am taking my time to find a job if you know what i mean ;)

Been playing lots of guitar nowadays. Time to learn all the songs i always wanted. All the muse, Guns and roses, even hillsongs united. Sigh so much to do so little time.

The frustrating thing is that i need to know when is my enlistment. cristofori is interested to know, my family interested to know, I LAGI WANNA KNOW... I have not done my NAPHA yet....!@$@#$. Ah need to train again. How to work? ( excuses )

But I thank God that i have 2 guitar students who are learning under me now. They are paying and I plan to give my best! I even made notes for them. Pretty hard work ya know, try typing out tabs!

Haha, ya know i think i wanna try singing for other bands. Maybe it might improve my singing? who knows. But i think it improved a little, just a little. haha was a little delighted to know that one of my latest song, EOLS (earth oldest love song) was too hard for some people to sing. The low parts are too low and the high parts are too high. haha thank God for the deep bass you guys hear. You know what, let me make a vid with my new song!

Wait ar............................
..................

....................
...................

still making...

ok ok.... here it is

phew haha. all those pictures are almost random, but there's a theme in it. Happy watching!

2008-08-04T22:46:00.005+08:00

FOP!FOP!FOP!FOP!FOP!FOP!FOP!FOP!FOP!

~~~FESTIVAL OF PRAISE 2008~~~

ARGH!!!!!! ITS THE BEST ONE SO FAR!!!!! WHY? first of all! I GOT GOOD Seating. ( this could be because we were there an hour and half earlier). Seatings was at the north entrance, in front of the stage. Honestly, it sounds much better and could see more.

2 bands were playing on every night ( FOP was from 1st to 3rd august ), reuben morgan and his Hillsongs team, and the new parachute band. Hillsongs played only one song which i know at the beginning and then a few others that i am not very sure about. But the next band blew me away.

ENTERING ----> PARACHUTE BAND!

At first the first sight of the lead singer took me aback ( i learned today that the singer name is Omega, cool eh ). He had a overall figure of a mascular hunchback, and has an impression of a koala bear. But his voice was beautiful. I loved it the moment i heard it. I went back home to research further on the band and fell in love with 2 of the songs that they made popular.

FIRST SONG : I BELONG TO YOU

I especially like this song cos not only its catchy and very raw rock feel, but the lyrics simply says that i belong to God. How beautiful is that? We belong to GOD! I really like how they play their bridge, its pretty different from the typical Hillsongs kind of bridge. Makes me wanna have a darn cool keyboardist now!

S3COND SONG : MERCY

This is a slow number, but i really can associate to it. I am a sinner and yet God showed me mercy, and its His mercy that saved me. AMEN!

This video is pretty unique, has a short summary of the life of joseph and how God was in charge of everything.

Then i cam across this vid of a church covering the song. I really liked what they did. Enjoy!

I am definitely going to get their new album, Roadmaps and Revelations. Hopefully i can include their songs into the Youth Worship and increase our vocabulary of praise to God.

And of course i will try to get the new hillsongs album too. though i prefer parachute, but I will always be a hillsongs fan.

Ok, and from FOP, I was rejuvenated by pastor Mark Conner, Man is he hilarious. The whole stadium was practically laughing their socks off. I know i did. He taught on the topic of investing in the things that really matter. First he indicated the things that do not have eternal value.

1st thing : Pleasures of the World

Its not just sexual, but anything that makes you "feel" good. What he learned is that pleasure is quick but temporary fulfillment, But if you serve someone else, Its a pleasure that slowly builds up.

2nd thing : Possessions

Thats right ladies, its your shopping and materialistic madness! ( okok, guys too...)Think about it, We are brought into this world with nothing, And we will leave this world with nothing as well. We cant bring what we have into the other world. Instead think of things that could give you treasures stored in heaven.

3rd Thing : Power

Pride, ego and Authority. Basically we crave for power. Maybe not so far fetched. Maybe we want to be popular. And to do that we do things that are popular to others, and not watch what we say, and not caring about the consequences of our actions.

And After this 3 points he went on to touch on the things that could help us make life more meaningful, and they are great reminders!

1st IMPORTANCE ---------> Know God

Knowing God is the greatest thing we can do. And that means becoming a friend of God, not just a blind arrogant follower. Cos God is not looking at the amount of bible study or head knowledge you have, not the amount of service you have given, but he is gonna look at your heart. How you do things in your life means more than the things you think are important to God.

2nd IMPORTANCE ---------> Love others

Jesus' 2nd greatest commandment. If we love others, we would want to stand as a follower of christ and reach out to them. As he mentions, we are the First Gospels, meaning people see how Christianity sets us apart from others. Next we share the gospel. And there is greater joy in serving others than always serving yourself.

3rd IMPORTANCE ---------> Invest your time, talent and resource

Invest Whatever you can or wanna give to increase the kingdom of God on earth. God blesses us with individual talents which we can use to build the church. Think of ways you can contribute and give your best!

Wow mark conners woke me up. overall in all i am very very very happy to have made it for FOP. I really recommend that everyone goes the next year! ( though i think i will have army... )

SEEYA!

2008-08-02T13:37:00.003+08:00

Hi Hi, today just gonna do something different from my usual stuff. Today I will be Ivan, The medium rare gamer. I feel like giving a review on some of the games i have been playing this few months...

First game gonna talk about is...

NARUTO: ULTIMATE NINJA HERO 2

Rating: 3.5/5

Gameplay: Its basically a fighting game, with the cast of most of the naruto characters ( 1st season ). The game play is actually quite simple, there's only one attack button, so expect alot of single button smashing. The combos are pretty easy to catch and connect on your opponents, so eliminating learning time and allowing gamers to get to the core of the game, the art of fighting like a ninja. Yup. its different from other fighting games. You have to time your attacks and they added bit of naruto elements with the "smoke bomb" evasion, shuriken throwing, jutsu, secret jutsu, the substitution attack ( the "poof", he became a tree log attack ).

But wat i feel impressed about is the varying in characters style and strength level. Like we think that naruto's the best. but honestly in the game, he's just average, cept' for the insane amount of chakra he stores and the undisputed "rasengan". Then there's Kiba and his trusty dog akamaru, whos speed is unmatched and the ruthlessness of the dog and master combo is very evident. There's sakura as well, whos known for her strength, and ironically her secret attack is her alter-ego...

Overall, the game will keep you satisfied if you are a naruto fan, but dont expect it to be a game to stay in your console for long. I think its one of those games where you play a while, and only play it again once in a blue moon.

Next Game i wanna cover is...

DJ MAX PORTABLE 2

Rating: 4.5/5

OK, I am not being bias here. I love music games and always will. But DJ max has briefly summarized the whole elements of music and rhythm games by itself. The songs are pretty catchy and pleasant, the level of challenge is almost infinite. This is definitely not a game for people with bad eye and hand coordination. But its not impossible to play.

I have been playing the game for close to a year already. and i still never got bored of it. There will always be challenges and sometimes the game becomes a srt by itself, so much so that if you are a hard core DJ max, you will always be a hardcore DJ max.

K Next I am gonna cover is....

CASTLEVANIA: DRACULA X CHRONICLES

k, i have to confess, i did not play the game for the original title, but because in this game... you can unlock "SYMPHONY OF THE NIGHT". Its like the best game ever on ps! ARGH! but here's my review on the original title first.

DXC (lazy to type the whole thing) takes place before SOTN, the story revolves around richter belmont (the male protagonist) and maria (the bird welding babe, also the female protagonist) and their fight to defeat the count dracula and his servant, shaft.

The gameplay is like any other castlevania games (cept' SOTN). you are side scrolling and welding your whip or birds (yea i know sounds weird) and attacking the ghoulies while dodging attacks and solving simple puzzles along the way. Its pretty much like mario, cept with a more medieval feel.

OKOK SOTN! you are Alucard, son of dracula. But you are here to stop your father's mad reign of chaos when you discovered that Richter Belmont went missing mysteriously. Whats different is that there is a leveling up system, lots of items, lots of area to explore, a incredible story line, and monsters that are sure to challenge your wits sometimes. I played it when i had my ps, and now i am playing it on my psp once again!

Alright gonna do more game reviews soon... think some of ya never thought i am like this. hahaha. oh wells. see ya!

2008-07-14T01:10:00.003+08:00

Hi everyone,

Its been a while since i have updated. I am pretty much tied up with stuffs nowadays, (yeah that includes pat-toa-ing)(but lesser nowadays since she has school), and harldy could find time to sit down and think of what to update you readers about. Maybe bit of updates.

Worship, worship, worship. I am somehow always leading or playing or singing for a worship team or another. Its like a dream come true, cept' with a hefty price of freedom and slack. The past month was like...

Tuesday - chorale

Ok not to be spoiler, but here's a sneak peek into christmas chorale presentation...
There's gonna be a accapella, and its gonna be good. look forward to it. Why start the practice so early, cos wen xin's delivering soon and she cant attend to us.

Saturday - Led Holy Communion :

was kinda last minute preparation. but thank God that he gave me the inspiration to lead the worship. But i guess i am a perfectionist when it comes to worship leading, I think i did badly... Not to mention i added a not so theologically sound song in it... guess which one...

Wednesday,friday - YF band prac

here's a vid... but dun mind the last part...

was pretty tired when doing the recording. This was taken from the wednesday prac when we went to a studio. Here's a vid from the friday practice ( mavis uploaded it )

slightly better i enjoyed it.

then it came...

Saturday - morning, practice with the english band, after...

last practice with the youth band, was last minute informed that we have to start late... Whats with the communication between the EM and CM? so frustrating at times....

Then the worship session itself... there was technical problems and not to mention, I cant really hear the band and myself... And then i sang "Grace like Rain" in weird tempos, and Yuki said it was like a performance... man i was kinda sad. But I know God sees the team's earnest efforts to do their best.

Oh then Care group... I was suppose to lead worship, but due to lack of preparation and due to us starting care group very late, we decided to go straight to lessons ( we started at 8.30pm :( )

Tuesday- chiong studies for a test

Wednesday - finished a 2 hour test in 15 minutes. WOO HOO!

Thursday - YF worship prac

Friday - Chiong classical guitar (literally, glad i finished grade 1 in 4 weeks, now grade 2 liao... argh wanna chiong faster...)(oh theory only)(guitar practical still slow...)

Saturday - English Band prac and jamming with Uncle Chris ( THE ROCKER!) He inspired me to pick up the electric guitar and i think i practice a net time of over 2 or 3 hours! ROCK ON!!!

Sunday - English Band led worship, pretty happy with the ukulele-ish guitar playing.
Its all chords but i played them at 12 frets beyond. I think as a Band, the music is getting tighter and more "realistic" to me. But I wish we could have in some form of fellowship in God. But its more practice and play...

Then came YF worship. I was singing backup and playing a percussion instrument. I was trying to get into the mood of worship, but very distracted by the sound of laughter... I mean, laughter in the midst of divine worship? I was actually quite upset. But who am i to judge? ah, God you do the judging, i cant be bothered, as long as i am serving you can liao. And Whenever i do harmonizing for mavis, i realize that even though she's the one with the mike, i always sound louder... sigh, i will sing softer from now on...

Then came guitar lessons, no time to spend time with my mum again... Haha i was teaching 3 different groups at the same time... I think i need to be more structured, but i can see Steffi's and Melissa's enthusiasm in learning, they never complain about the pain :)

Sigh, looking at the schedule i have for the past 2 weeks, its easy to get burn out or stressed out. But By God's grace, no, i feel great. In school i have great friends who are by my side and in church i have great friends who support and work together with me, and them aside, there's her as well.

I am much upset that i hardly got time for my own mum since we do not stay together, and i have to sneak behind my grandma's back to go out with my god-mum. wat a life.

I find joy in the music, but i dun see myself becoming in anyway better... I desperately want to make music a income earning job for myself in the future and do hope that i can do my own business and be able to support myself. cant be a bum right?

And yea there's still complications in certain parts of my life now... friends who seems like they dun wanna be friends... friends going to army... temptations...

Oh yeah, Young Adults starting soon too, we're having our first meeting this friday. Means i will miss FOP, but i will be going for saturday and sunday. Hopefully we can have a smooth start and have a more solid form of Bible study, something which i miss.

oh and i am currently playing Castlevania on the psp, classic. Seriously the psp is a great companion at times. Not that i suggest that everyone owns one, Cos its pretty expensive. Mine's won in a lucky draw ( yeah can hao lian! ) haha no lah. It's God's provision ( *Angelic Choir* ~HALLELUJAH!~ ). no seriously. I can remember clearly the week before i found out that i won it, I was at the comic shop admiring some guy who bought the console with cash, in my heart i was like, man i wished that i could have a psp. But then later i told myself, "nah, you can find happiness in other things, you do not need a psp. I will be satisfied with watever i have"

Then the call came a week later "YOU WON A PS......

But yea do things in moderation k guys? dun go blind and failing exams cos of it, its not worth it. It should be more of a relaxing tool. yeah

And i have been watching movies now a days. Caught red cliff, Hancock at the theaters, good stuff. Watched longest yard and gonna watch benchwarmers next. sigh so many things to do...

haha not to mention now in school i have a "lifestyle"

monday - play pool

thursday - play pool and swim in the pool.

My pool's improving and my swimming stamina's going up. Not to mention i can do my pushups again and see bit of improvements. Now need to focus on running...

phew i have typing and talking about everything about my life for the past hour or so... enjoy and stay off nasty websites k guys, spyware is everywhere. so...

BEWARE OF SPYWARE

CYA

2008-06-14T23:09:00.002+08:00

The G.I.F.T

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Retreat, once again the church is united in one small resort to take time away from their busy lives to enjoy the fellowship and spend intimate time with God. Every Year, the church will choose a overseas ( preferably ) location where there's lush greenery and enough attractions to keep us entertained and satisfied. Well i just have some comments on my stay this time

1. The Food is not Good

I am sure plenty of you know what i mean. first of all, the menu is confusing, there's quite a variety of food crammed into that little dining restaurant. the rice is ok, ( I mean its just white rice ) and the pasta was quite bad... The dishes were ok, there's like curry mutton, beef, mutton, beef... Chicken, herbal chicken, fried chicken... And cabbage? I enjoyed some of the curry, but most of the time i did not really have the liberty to enjoy my food. But Wat i cannot tolerate is the fact that i have to keep going to the toilet. The food is not only bad, its unclean. Many members were affected with diarrhea. I had diarrhea... I could not sleep... and there's even reports like nail clippings in the bubor chacha...

2. The Hotel room was not bad

Ok, maybe some of you may disagree. But i kind of like the design of the place, its pretty cosy. I feel very comfortable, the beds good. There's a good environment to have guest and have multiple activities to go on in the room at the same time. The bathroom is ok, toilet paper's interesting, but the supply of toiletries is not enough, oh wells, Feng nan and I brought our own toiletries anyway. There's a good selection of channels for everyone and so far, I have not heard much complains about the rooms, too much talk about how bad the food is...

3. The facilities? Degrading...

Ah, what has happened to the lovely Pulai Springs I once knew... There is no maintenance of certain facilities like the swimming pool, the jacuzzi, the steam room, the sauna, the squash courts... But i see improvements like the bar, the lounge area, certain lighting effects ( that can only be seen at night ) and some other stuffs. The staffs are friendly, i remember one guy who went all the way to open up the MPH ( multi purpose hall ) when he was in the middle of drying the dishes. And the receptionist who allowed FN and me to keep our baggages at the reception cos the lockers are too small. Nice guy. Overall i enjoyed the facilities though they seem abit out of shape. I swam quite a bit. I think maybe i am improving a bit.

4. I need to get a portable speaker system

Words cant describe the necessity of a portable sound system. Like the one that Stanford or FN has, Mini speakers that blast your music, sending sound waves that can reach all corners of the room. I NEED TO GET ONE!!!!!! THEN MY SHOWER TIMES WILL BE 40 MINS EVERYDAY LIAO!!!!

5. Friends

The youth worker, under rev. Ang , and I clicked quite well. apparently he and i got certain common personalities. lol. And theres a few others whom i either can talk to again or became friends with. Friendships are pretty hard to maintain sometimes, but it doesnt hurt to try to talk to someone whom you have not talked to for a very long time, Right? :)

6. YAF

Young Adult Fellowship, Some of us discussed to activate the long dead fellowship, and have consolidated a list of names. So far the prerequisites to enter is that you have to be 19 and above, and must be committed and have a certain level of learning maturity, of course all who are 19 and above are invited to try out the meetings, but if they feel uncomfortable with the YA, they can go back YF. Of course My commitment is still to help mavis in the YF worship ministry since we are severely under manned.

Well, this retreat overall was pretty relaxing and fun to a certain level. I am not sure whether i am getting old? but i just dun seem so interested in some of the younger youths activities. I prefer soaking in the spa then watching cartoons... prefer keeping quiet then making "jokes". sigh, maybe i am moving on

To a certain extend i wanna mix with more grown ups now, i feel i can connect to them better. Maybe to a certain extend i look forward to YA.

Oh wells. more updates soon. So sleepy, did not recover from a day without sleep yet...

2008-06-09T00:27:00.003+08:00

Hi guys, sorry for such a very long waited update, many things have been on my mind and hands lately, shall just share briefly some points.

First of all, thanks to all who made it for My birthday celebration whom i had with Don, the party could not have been complete without you guys. Haha and apologies to those who got bored easily, maybe its your first time at a Gig or something. I plan to do more Gigs in the future as a side job, i kinda enjoy doing this kind of things.

Thanks to Farhan, or the band ( crap forgot the band name...) Azli, zaki, and the unknown bassist, whose name i have forgotten again... Crap. ( Maybe too much liquor that night?)

Thanks to Davin, the next singapore idol, to Jemie, my good friend, and sab, Justin and Devin, The makeshift verticross band. lol. Thanks to all who performed and made the Gig a success...

The total cost of everything reached around $2000, the rental and food sponsored by my God mum, Mummy, and the band equipment by my uncle, hardcore rocker of an old neighborhood band, U-can.

Thanks to you YFers, hope you enjoyed yourselves, though you looked like you were entertaining yourselves...

Erm ok some of you were worried about me when i was missing or a while, dun worry abt me, i had a thing i needed to clear with my bros from church.

Thing is at this point of time, The term " bros " seem very vague to me . I admit that i am subject to insensitive actions but i have not once seen any of my brothers any lesser. Whether you are from church or from my secondary school, or from some place that God placed us in circumstance.

Actually i am quite hurt that my relationship is or has caused hurt to some of you, my close friends... I have never wanted it to be this way. But i do treasure our friendship and hope that you are willing to give me another chance.

I may be immature or childish or insensitive or careless or ignorant at times... But i have my reasons, its just that its hard to put it into words... especially when you are pressured...

But it has shown me how much you think i am to you. Sorry if i had not regarded you as close at that point of time, it seems that we get close to people we regularly meet. lets be friends again.

Now that i am finally 21, i feel like i have no more time to waste. I have signed up for classical guitar under cristofori and theory as well, hopefully to get a guitar diploma by 3 years time. Then i might want to look into composing and music industries studies , i hope i can music my career in the future, maybe not as a musician but maybe as a business man?

Its time to move on, Soon i will have NS, soon I will work and hopefully stabilize my career and thats when i would propose to my girl and have a family and bring up my kid to be the best kid in the world. thats provided the earth does not end first... ( all those dang end of the world assumptions... makes me a little paranoid)

Dear brothers and sisters, lets move forward and make just one step a day to make our future a brighter one.

PEACE TO ALL , see ya at retreat!

( The party vid is available by 2 weeks time, who wants it can order from me in advance, its free dun worry )

CYA

2008-04-14T19:54:00.007+08:00

Hihi my good old friends!!!!! welcome back for another round of the rare christian Ivan! Ok today i have mode of entry. The usual whacky one and a slighty very serious one. But heres the whacked out one first.

Youth started slightly.... late again. and because of my little jamming session with someone b4 worship, i forgot to practice with mavis. so pretty much jamming session 2 for worship. And mavis broke down during worship... I guess mavis, you are such a sensitive person ( yet extremely violent and scary sometimes! NOT CUTE AR!!!!!)

After youth, had to teach guitar for a while. Seriously i think i must find a way to teach somewhere quiet and as little distraction as possible. haha everyone gathered in the self control room, become a party. how to teach? lol

And oh haha lunch time, you guys were there too right? The wanton mee stall. The hawker was flipping noodles and to round the noodles into a nice ball to serve, he would toss the noodles into the air. Haha, I went to order a second round to try and see him do it again. But he told me he cant toss Hor Fun. haha figures. But josiah so happened to come and order wanton mee. FUUU! Darryl and I took out our phones...

After youth and lunch, the fantastic 4 bored people ( Myself, Zhen Wei, Mavis, Josiah ) bummed in church for almost an hour wondering of wat to do... So one of the things we did were...

And At the station... Mavis Tried to pit her strength ( and body weight ) against Josiah... And haha, I did not manage to catch it but Josiah lifted mavis by holding on to her head. haha some one call the SPCA!!!!!!!

Then we decided to go to JP cos when we were discussing where to go... someone went jumping up and down saying " I wanna eat ice scream ". Jo was like "I wanna go gym" and I prefered the gym to the ice cream idea ( i dun want the extra cals...) Haha but you can see her satisfied face when we finally found a nice little shop, called "Scoop" at the basement area. Cheap and filling.

ok. whacky part over. Partly why i wanted to rush it because i wanna talk more about something else. After the ice cream and a little arcade, we went to Subway for dinner. Partly cos its Zhenwei's BD! happy birthday bro! But then we talked about politics... haha mavis was slping... and it turned into the question of church structure and systems.

The is this sadness i feel for churches that preaches prosperity. Their Focus on God is based on presumptive faith as Josiah puts it. People are taught that they should give as much as possible because God promises riches to those who receive. Churches are market place and its filled with Christians who seek wealth through the church by networking and business. And there are the faithful ones who fall under the mindset that they must give as much as possible...

Here's a poem i wrote today on the way to school... (yup school started T.T )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flip Side Of The Copper Coins

One early Sunday Morning
You entered with life's despair
Among the midst of thousands
You hope there's a seat to spare

The music rocked and the ground shook
You're standing in a Holy place
Till one man, up there he stood
And gently asked, 'Please give freely in grace'

You shake your head in worry
cause you have God to please,
So the man prayed a simple prayer,
for us to give the biggest piece

He tells the tale of the two copper coins
You could not hold the tears anymore
Reaching for your only fifty dollar bill
Your knees touched the floor

You closed your eyes, looked up and prayed,
' Dear Lord, this I humbly give '
And in the end , the man proudly said,
' The generous shall receive! '

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wanted to turn it into a song, but i think its good as it is now. I might wanna do a part 2 soon as i know of other cases as i know a few stories why people leave prosperity preaching churches.

tomorrow is the worship leading course for care group. In the sense i still need the training. though i doubt i may learn anything new, its always good to go for refresher course...

Wenxin smsed me asking me whether i wanna do the first session ( everyone has to prepare a sample worship for evaluation ) and i was telling her. "haha you want a good example for wat not to do right?" She replied saying that everyone else is not experienced. Hmmm there was pride but it quickly deflated cos i knew i might be helping more than learning... I rmb she called me once, she asked me whether i want to lead sunday offering every 2nd week. I was telling her " Huh, my style can meh? I think better get ready some ambulances ar ", She said " haha dun frighten the old people can liao lar ". I frighten old people? thats the first... ( not actually, my grandma always say i give her a shock because my footsteps cannot be heard... )

About tomorrow, I have prepared a few songs. the requirement is 4 songs to open session and 2 closing songs. I pondered for a while... And There was a great desire to play this song...

Oooh i like the impromptu solo ending i gave the song... I changed many chords because the chords i found were like so wrong. But its tough to sing this song... its so high... if Jasmine or Andrea sing this song (or you mavis... ) glass will shatter...

In school, my good friend ( who extremely resembles Norman's personality ) was telling me " I've got a girlfriend now ". ok... Then we talked about how his hols was and he said he was busy because of internship and GRL Phren... Then it came to his dream to go overseas to study and pursue music, but now he wants to stay local because he has a Kurl Flan. I mean WATS UP MAN. you giving everything up? your dreams and aspiration because you have a Ghirl Flend? ARGH! dun give up man.... you can make it. I know. I have seen thousands of lousier singers than you man...

Not sure to feel sad or happy now tat i am single. My friends are getting attached or are attached. Argh wats this!!!!!!! Is it so wrong for me to remain one for the while till i go to work, stabilize my future then find my future God send?

Nvm, i will find greater pleasure in other things for now. I must not let girls over take my life anymore. Sigh... Though how much i desire for the one... i have to wait.

BUT I MEAN WATS UP MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!@*&^#@*&$^*&^@#$%!@$

" I have a girlf.... "

@#%$@#&%$&^%@&#%$^&@%#&$%@#%$@#%&$ ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just leave me alone lah loverboy. haiz i wanna give you my blessings but ARGH!!!!!!!

..............................................

.................

1... 2.... 3... 4..

ok much better now. ARgh... man...

I must make it while i still can. I must make my dream. I must prove to myself that i could do it. And i think that everyone of you should clearly think of your paths ahead. Or soon you road will laid with tons of humps called regret.

But for now we should try and at least contribute something to our future. like i read a book that said if we saved a dollar a day and put it into a bank for 66 years, we would have our million dollars. Whoopie doo doo. I wanna save a dollar a day too!

And so you hardy boys and girls out there. plan well and live smart, May the good Lord shine His gracious hands on you ( imagine the line spoken through a old cowboy grandpa ) haha

Alright i have spent alot of time on this entry, see ya soon!

Leave a tag!

2008-04-13T00:55:00.002+08:00

Welcome back everybody! Thanks fer reading. Some of you may wonder " wth, why he so thick skin can type til like that?" my answer to you is... You can go write diary ar. Blog is meant to crap none stop and meant for Victims ( just like you HAHA ) and hopefully put a smile or crap their pants for the rest of their day.

Woah, I just need to address this. To me, The planetshakers concert ROCKED mY tiny Japanese SOCKS!( forgive my kua zhang ness ). to put it plainly, IT WAS MAD!!!!!! People were jumping up and down like Salmon desperate to lay eggs by swimming up the river, and people were singing ( or screaming/shouting/yelling/whistling/etc ) like its the last thing they would say! Wah Josiah reached like 100+ decibels and he's sitting next to me lah. sounded more like a warcry then a cheer or something. I dun blame him, cos i followed him after that. HHAAHAHA

Alright Alright dun get me wrong. Yes it is a rock concert. I mean its PlanetShakers man... you want soft music you should have known. And you dun go into a concert where you have not heard their songs before. I suggest to you softies that cannot stomach songs like that to go a Don Moen or Matt redman concert.

I feel like some people went in with a stubborn mindset on how worship should be. Like Pastor normally said, if we dun mean the words we sing, its just song singing. But ultimately worship is not confined to song singing, Its how we live out our lives.

The concert rocked... I worshiped like i never worshiped before in a long time. The music or more likely the fellowship of Gods people and The Holy Spirit joined in unity to bring praise to God. Tim Hughes delivered A powerful worship as well, the silence that was so quiet you could hear only the aircons, a silence so reverent and awesome that it penetrated the hardest of hearts. It was beautiful... And they had to play ONE WAY after that. HAHAHA so comical.

Hmmm, yeah and this morning it was my first (could be my last) meeting with a group of christians who posted on soft.com.sg, looking for jamming buddies, to jam. I filled in the place of the missing drummer and went there feeling partly nervous.... but guess wat! the bassist is my good old friend from SP campus crusade and from Jurong Christian Church! UBER COOL! ((99 hits combo!)) I was so relieved and its really such a small world. not really sure whether he was happy to see me... but i kinda missed talking to him for a while... and now he is a better musician than b4 too. Ok back to jamming. We randomly played songs that we know. I was the drummer so its was less stressful on me. And i think i played fairly well. The singer whos a Filipino said that my drummings good. haha of course!!!!! (head inflating fast) I could use the double pedal now man.... bwa hahaha

Later was meeting feng nan for guitar lessons. haha cant help him... he expected me to teach him tabs... i also not that pro yet ar... saded. need to stay focused on my guitar!!!

I wanted to write more, but now that i have a new game, "Crisis Core", Final Fantasy 7 prequel game, My slping time is limited and have church later, why later? cos its 1.33 am on my clock now.

So before i go, as promised. Here's the vid of Elsie wishing Josiah Happy Birthday in the train. SO embarassing...

Good Night, stay off the drugs ar... but panadol and Coke can. lol!

2008-04-04T00:30:00.002+08:00

Good morning everyone! thanks fer reading, come support this website, and a million blessings upon you. lol. And if you dun intro this blog to another 15,000000 person you will break up with your BF/GF, or if you are not attached, you might turn homo.

Welcome back to another episode of the rare christian ivan. Been a while i have been typing like this, always wonder why i lose readers, cos my entries are too boring? haha. I mean why do i need to encourage people to read my blog, you waste time and brain energy to read my entries. I mean i could be typing this...

" Today sooooooooo boring, i went to school... class was like so normal lah, wish something interesting will happen... so i snatched my friend's handphone when he is not looking and hide it in the teachers desk. Haha he soooooo stew-pit, never chk one. when the next class started, i secretly called his handphone, oh yeah i forgot i set his handphone to some weird obsene sounding... "

Talk about trying to get a life man... haha my friends used to be like that. oh wait i remember something like this...

" Hi everyone, well done on todays activity, hope we can do it again next year!

Ok going to slp now... haha lazy..."

I mean WAT THE>>> !@#!&*^ ( dun mean anything ). Its not that its a stupid entry or anything, but write more...

" and i watched "enchanted" with my darling baby for the 1212934798 to power of 2138472 times. I lurve my darling baby woochie moochie smoochie. XxSMUACKSxX _n.n_ "

disgusting...

" I hate him... that #&$@%, I hope he can go and die, for all i care! blah blah...

( emo crap... haha but wait theres more )

blah blah... okok i am so sorry i said all those earlier... i love you.... dun leave me... "

haha the comedies of life. Talking of which, I was concern for my friends relationship cause they were fighting... until i realised its over some online gaming issue...

well I am not saying wat you should or should not put in blogs, but i mean do anyone wanna know what you had for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Nope i am not interested. I think your blog really defines who you are i guess. So you think i am a random person? maybe... i had a little to drink b4 typing this entry. Am I full of angst? Bet I am! haha i am typing like someone now.

The purpose of life? My purpose? I wanna rule the world. haha, I am gonna place a flag on every country national monument with the face of Jesus Christ. I am gonna flood every young innocent soul with the Gospel and Rock and Roll. I am gonna change everybodies eating habits and ban NAPHA or IPPT. I am gonna put a jamming studio and place " christian music only" posters all over it.

Yeah, thats wat i am gonna do if I am president of Singapore. Vote for me yeah? Nothing better than to have a God fearing guy in the parliament. I will lower GST, Ban gambling and smoking, raise welfare policies, provide better academic opportunites for the lower income groups, pump funds into the arts scene, L1 R5, L1 will be music and english and chinese will not matter. All national day songs will be head bang-able, and pop stars will be invested heavily.

okok, nonsense, but think about it, it might be a better place for you kids to grow up in. Rock, is the foundation for life. I cannot imagine a life where people did not realise that they can clap, or the word percussion did not exist... i rather have concussion.

stage 4 cancer... i heard from my nurse friend that its a matter of time before she leaves us... Life is so cruel... God I hope you really have something up your sleeves this time... You are gonna make alot of people very very sad....

But ultimately, its your will that will be done. We are truely insignificant to your cause... but have mercy dear Lord to those who serve you...

2008-04-01T14:13:00.003+08:00

Hi guys, thanks fer visiting

Today I just wanna ponder on this statement I found in a book in the self-help section

"life is suffering"

and it goes further on to discuss on the matter on how you should live your life.
The principle?

" accepting the basic principle that life is not a bed of roses, will open new horizons and you will live a better life "

when i read the statement, i felt a cold rush in the spine... Life is suffering... The cold hard truth, and yet i am living in denial... I've always seen hardwork and discipline a form of guaranteeing your success, but seeing this statement just makes me wonder...

Thinking about this, i should read the verse in Genesis where man is condemned because of sin

Genesis 1:17

17 To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which i commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,'

"Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.

18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
and you will eat the plains of the field.

19 By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return "

From this it seems that man was condemned to work til he dies. In modern perspective, this is ideal. Not only it delays senile dementia but it gives you more meaningful ways to live your last days. In my internship company, the head all wanna work til they die. Cliche but ironically true. Our church motto, coincidentally my secondary school motto revolves around being man worthy of God and man, and in modern terms, a man who is able to advance mankind one way or the other.

So in the end it all points down to work. Life is suffering. How does work fit in? almost everything. We study a quarter of our lives so we can happily rot the rest of it. Thats a pessimistic approach, but maybe heres a more optimistic one, Pastor gave a statement last night at a wake, " We are dying the moment we were born "

How true. I still cant handle this truth... I checked my study bible index and found this.

Ecclesiastes 3:17 - 23

" So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

I hated all the things i have toiled under the sun, because i must leave them to the one who comes after me

And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless

So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun.

For a man may do his work with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then he must leave all he owns to someone who has not worked for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune.

What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun?

All his days his work is pain and grief, even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless. "

I think you Christians out there find this verse all too familiar. Here lies King Solomon, old and dying reflecting about his life. I think he knows all too well, the terms "life is suffering". Sure he gained almost everything a man ever desired in the world, but ultimately did it fill the void that every person has in his heart?

The void. Its in everyone of us. Those who claim they do not have it, have not matured to the stage or are living in denial. Either way the harsh honesty that the world has for us will crush one day, sooner or later. We might go through dark ages and golden eras of our lives but its all like Solomon's favorite phrase, " Meaningless, everything is meaningless "

So now i think again. Why work if everything is meaningless? Lets debate slightly further on the 2 greatest commandments.

1st

" Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and all your might "

2nd

" Love your neighbor as yourself "

The 2nd is what Confucius also taught, " Do to others what you want others to do unto you".

So what has work got to do with this 2 verses? Basically its this. If we are to love God with everything we have we got to keep his commandments. Or rather his condemnations as well. Remember the verses in Genesis?

2nd verse is primarily on being a burden onto others. I found a verse in 2 Thessalonians which says

" Nor did we eat anyone's food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so tat we would not be a burden to any of you. We did this, not because we do not have the right to such help, but in order to make ourselves a model for you to follow. For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat." (2 Thessalonians 3:8-10)

Paul and his disciples chose not to accept free meals from the thessalonians even if they offered him. because he wants them to learn to earn their daily bread. Or rather he does not want to be a burden

modern context wise, "a man who accelerates the advance of man" = "a man who does not slow everybody down". Thats a awful lot of pressure dont you think? I mean, in singapore alone where your standing in society depends on the number of paper that claims how smart you are, or you ability to handle business...

You dont need to look far away. Just look at your families, friends, classmates, churchmates, the news. Your success and stature is determined by merits... We are all victims of "life is suffering"

The book where i obtained the quote from rambles on, that discipline and delayed gratification will allow you to excel in life. Solomon will agree to this then tear the books to atomic particles ( our church Solomon looks like he might have the strength to ) and proceed back to his grave. Then again, if he does that there wont be a "self help" or "self improvement" section in bookstores anymore...

More like we are worker ants. We are mostly working not for ourselves but for others. Thats why so many people want to become their own bosses. Not always for the reason of pride, and those who cannot make the climb will tumble back to status worker ant.

Ok, let me try to summarize what I have been talking about the past half an hour. "life is suffering", Its true cos Adam chose to disobey God. We have to obey his judgment and work til we die. Not because we wanna prolong life and suffering but because we do not want to be a burden to man, and we need to eat ( to suffer more ). But the principle of work is meaningless if we dedicate our life to only work. It will be more significant if we are going to do it for God.

Ok tell me wat you think, I am interested to hear. There is nothing wrong in trying to discover the purpose of life. So waiting for some news. See ya!

2008-03-22T22:31:00.002+08:00

Bought a microphone at the recent IT show (which my mum saw me caught on news =.=!

So heres some experiments with it! enjoy

2008-02-26T18:37:00.002+08:00

Hihi, been a while. doing this someone told me too, haha

A little update to my life now, finished my term and now is hols, have about 3 successful day of wasteful loathing and used the time to give my room a makeover, catch up with Bleach, Keikaishi, and Gundam 00, PLaying guitar, and getting the usual scolding and grumbling from the old lady next door.

Actually, I am pretty fine, just that sometimes i get to involved with other people's problems and then it affects me as well. Like actually i am pretty fine being single and all, but almost every male friend of mine somehow caught the wave of GF issues suddenly. I guess the irony is that when you are single you got to help those in battle. But Bros, dun give in, I mean GIVE UP! God have prepared the one for you and one day you will get that dodgy little lass!

Been talking to my music teacher lately, receiving advices like dun throw away your day job, get stable income, the moneys there, the stuck up musicians are there to help ( flinched ) and blah blah, cant help thinking ...

Is there a future for musicians in Singapore? Do you really have to have a certain status or a 5 digit fan base to secure a future? My teacher is one of the more reputable bassist in Singapore, and he's kinda struggling to pay his bills though he does not talk about it... The best Electric guitarist in Singapore, whom house i visited, does not reflect the glory he attained from the music scene.

So how does one secure his future? I asked. He answered " Teaching ". The passing on of knowledge in the hope of securing the future, not ours but to the future of Singapore. Who knows when there might be a blooming guitarist like Paul Gilbert, somewhere in our midst, lurking in some unsuspecting mother's womb?

Another bugging problem was that i keep regretting starting music late. Darn, Even Warren buffet bought his first share at 15. Thats nuts if you ask me, But I guess he had it coming. But i was youtubing to chk up on one of my favourite rock guitarist, slash of GNR and velvet revolver, and In one interview he said he started at 15. I guess anythings possible. I mean Beethoven started at 20, and he was rumored as not talented. but look where his hardwork brought him. I think he would not have guessed that even decades down the road, his legacy is still being played to lude the world in symphony and song.

Sigh, music is such a wondrous and mysterious being, Why being, cos its always evolving and when you think you have solved its prevailing mysteries and it will unexpectedly turn around, leave you again awestruck and then throw you back to square one again. Hurray to all musicians who think they have unraveled everything ya?

kk I gotta go. I hope that you guys work hard and do the best ya can. Who knows, 40 years down the road someone will be benefiting from your contribution that formed their history.

2008-01-28T00:34:00.000+08:00

miss doing this

~~~~~~~~~~BLOG GO GO GO GO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~

hahahahaha :)

I thank God that I could spend the past 2 days with my mum, did not realize i miss her so much... I was deprived of my mum as some of you know. oh well, good to see her anyway, I wanted to do something for her, so i cooked dinner for her. I cant remember the last time i cooked for someone, so i tried my best. The xiao bai cai in oyster sauce has a little too much oyster sauce, and the vege was abit overcooked, but other than that i think it was good, And i cooked bak kut teh. I bought a packet of herbs and then just dumped everything, basically follow instructions... haha, noob mah...

Today Pastor Soh gave the message, sounded like a farewell message to me. Cant believe i missed him too man, His great voice and he carried the message with grace and gusto. I was actually mesmerised by his message actually. He preached on "Who is the righteous?" based on Psalm 1.

Psalm 1

1 Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
whatever he does prospers.

4 Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away
5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

6 For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish "

Like rev. soh said, who can stand before the Lord? Who can fit this bill? Not me. I cannot... For a sinful person like me, I definitely do not think i can possibly righteous enough. But its by grace that God can make us righteous again.

Made me think a while. I have been reading a book, its titled " one minute millionaire" same author who brought you "who moved my cheese". Its a book on philosophies on how to be rich. But one thing i noticed in this book and its this.

" All it takes is just one minute, and it all began as a thought"

Seems nothing is impossible now. And just heard from somewhere, about doing something right for the next fifteen years could begin with 15 minutes a day on how you spend it.

okok, its not at all new, and its common sense. But when someone else comes and tell you something like that, i do not believe its coincidence.God must have a divine plan.

I guess God have been watching over me for the past few months even though i could not "feel" him. The church was advancing slowly although I could not "feel" him in church. It all points down to faith.

Yup i was losing it. but recently some testimonies just turned me around again. like prayer and praise. the testimonies of Chris and Aunt Anna. The concept of mere coincidence was shattered in my head, I mean come on, what was the odds of Chris testimony of God, helping him to get the exact sum of money for missions, happening to you?

Sigh, and all i ever wanted to do was be good in guitar... suddenly its my passion and desire. I miss jamming, I cant wait for exams to be over! Then I wanna jam as much as i want b4 the guys go army and before i start my new school term.

Got a very bad feeling of my results this time, but by God's grace i hope the damage is not that bad, cos i got good results for both final year project and industrial training program. So pray for me ya?

Oh yeah, trying my best to not upload anymore guitar vids. I must humble myself and acknowledge that i am still not good yet. Anyway, I really wanna keep my promise to someone whom i promised that before i leave SP, I would shred the school to pieces. lol. No joke. I still intend to keep my promise to edwin ( 7 more years to donating a fountain to church) and Joshua Chang ( 8 more years to play guitar for Hillsongs ).

My aim, to become a top electric guitar sessionist by 35 years old. Please support me! Pray for me K? okok, gotta slp, night night!

miss doing this

~~~~~~~~~~SIGNING OUTOUTOUTOUTOUTOUTOUTOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2008-01-22T10:17:00.000+08:00

Hi guys, How have you all been? School started recently for most of ya, hope you are coping well.

Last Friday was a disappointing day of worship practice for me. For the first time i had so much problems with my vocals... It was so frustrating, I really wanted to give my best since it might be the last time i am going to lead YF worship... especially the song, "tell the world". Boy i kept getting it wrong.... So I literally set my mp3 to repeat track mode and listened it till about 12.30...

Sat morning, I went to meet a sister (means female friend, think watever ya like...) for breakfast at doubhy. was like an hour late, felt so bad to make her wait, so i treat her to LJS breakfast. Haha, the display pic for the dishes is deceiving... We thought the sandwich would be small, but haha, man its big. Good thing is its not too expensive and i got to eat her share, yeah...

but that was not the main purpose of meeting her, we came to challenge each other in Dance Dance Revolution! Yup! I dance man! And yer dun need to guesss who was winning who. haha, but the victory did not matter as much, i had alot of fun.

Then was youth. Man, frustrating again. Still could not get "tell the world". But hey, Thank God Somehow i managed to pull something off, and i felt everything went quite smoothly, except some wrong notes and drummer going off tempo or style at crucial points but other than that it was ok.

Then we had a interesting way of cramming the whole gospel of John into our heads. We had to work in teams to memorise parts of the gospel and then close book quiz. Our group did quite well. Hannah contributed alot, but the most epic moment was when we had to depend on small matthew for an answer and we were skeptical till josiah said that it was correct! Matthew, yer the man.

Stayed over friends place again. did recording... haha, somehow i forgot how boring recordings are... i fell asleep during the thing...

nextday, aunty jennifer gave my mum a ride to church. I am very thankful to her for that, mobility is really a problem for her... and service was, as usual. Then Feng Nan showed me lyrics for a tune i came up with, supposed to be a collab between Him and moi to write a emo song. Anyway no comments on whatever he wrote, it was all for fun.

But the highlight of the day was after church i headed for Justin's place to jam. The Bassist was going to be late, so we had a DJ max, a music game in the PSP, battle. haha i improved again! out of 20 matches i beat him 5. Okok, it may not be alot, but it was better than the first time i played with him. like 27 matches only 1 win. and btw its only the 3rd time i played with him...

Anyway, the bassist took longer than expected, we headed to his com room where all his equipment is kept. Can you imagine a small room no bigger than 3x3m with a computer, tons of books, at least 5-7 electric guitars, 1 keyboard, a drum set, a 20 inch amp, a 15 inch amp, 1 bass amp, 2 small 10 inch amps, tons of cables and 3 chairs to cram the already crammed place. haha

so for starters we did not know what to play, so i remember one of practices at home, i came up with a riff, it was inspired by one of the Paul Gilbert performances, cant remember whats the title. so i taught justin the style of drum in envisioned the song to carry, and we jammed a bit. Thats when the bassist arrived. Stupid Siddik, scared the crap out of me, he opened the door partially and waited there right in front of my face.

We played a few warm up songs, but pretty boring cos we do not have a vocalist. so everything we played by memory. Then Justin suggested we play the new song we came up with, so i taught Sid the riff, and soon he got it. Thank God his musically inclined. I just wish that most musicians are like him. Anyway, we jammed the song, and we got hooked on it! It was the best original we came up with ever since "we suck at guitar" and "Life". Since we did not have a vocals so i cant be bothered to add a vocals part. and split the song into mini sections for all of us to solo over it. Pretty cool eh, everybody gets to show their stuff. haha and thanks to the drummer we had to take 8 takes of recording to get what you will see later.

Ok, so heres the end product of the recording. What you will see is me jamming over the audio recorded live from his place. I am still hook to the song.

hope you enjoyed it and have a good week, gotta study for my thursday paper!

2008-01-17T18:44:00.000+08:00

Heres a little something i came up today. Enjoy

Oh yeah, today my final year project group disbanded! YAHOO! And the judge was happy with my presentation. Thats good, all my effort paid off. Now to concentrate on this coming worship, and exams...

man i wish i can sing better....

2008-01-16T23:46:00.000+08:00

wow, seems like i never updated my blog for some time. Better do some domestic house keeping now. Let me explain why i do not update my blog. November has been a emotional strain for me, i do wish to explain. And december... oh wake me up when december ends... oh wait it ended already. Darn. It was the same as the other years when i was chairman. Preparing for camp and exam, projects, family, friend and what have you... And there was my school spinnovex. Dun ask me how my group got the silver award, i am amazed that we even got into the spinnovex.

Anyway, Its a new year, but things are pretty much the same. However i am not gonna waste this year. This is my chance to find my life. And while I am at it, I am gonna have as much fun as i can. Now i am not chairman and stuff, I do not have the responsibility of making sure everythings well. But I guess i need to have more faith in Josiah, our new Youth worker. Still pretty much involved in YF, since Mavis is kinda like a greenhorn at worship. I guess everyone needs experience. I need to step back a little. I hope that this coming saturday is the last time i lead youth worship. I pray that new Worship Leaders will rise.

Almost wanted to move out recently. My grandma went a little short circuit the past 2 months, shes disowning all her children like its the new in thing and she was giving me hell. But i guess the recent 4 member birthday gave her a little smile. until my 2nd uncle wife made a smug comment and now my grandma is suddenly nice to me again. Figures.

About my guitar, Picking it up again. I dun wanna waste my time, although my PSP which i won by accident, is eating much of my time. I think i pissed my new teacher Paul Danial off, I went for one lesson, but had no chance to go back to him cause of FYP and what have you... and i am still stuck at verve, dunno why but i am not learning much under him now...

anyway, today went to practice my guitar abit, and for fun I played the national Anthem. lol

And I made a song maybe about 3 weeks ago, its a guitar instrumental, but i just used chords only. enjoy. Feng nan found it mysterious, how about you?

back into song writing mode again. But exams round the corner... haiz, PSP or Pass? hard to decide. :)

anyway, I hope that this year the band can at least play consistent this year, I dun care much about fame or money... music is more than enough for me.

2007-11-02T21:26:00.000+08:00

I just gotta blog about this. You know of this blind man who plays the electric guitar, he normally busks in orchard, but he recently comes over to jurong point recently. And man i am so inspired by him.

Was at the station after returning from visiting my mum in hospital, saw him and he was playing "house of the rising sun" very nice rendition. I decided to stay since i had nothing better to do. No sooner after a minute of standing alone, some guy approached me and exclaimed loudly " this guy's good " I could only nod my head. Later song he played more than words, but i think he got bored of it very fast. actually me too, wassup with everyone learning the song anyway?

Then he turned on a backing track for led zeppelin's "stairways to heaven", It was as if he read my mind. I was secretly hoping he would do a little shredding. He playing the intro, that attracted one other guy to stand with me to watch him. then some guy interrupted him, must be the newspaper guy saying bye. then the blind guy recovered from where he was and boy, he read my mind.

He turned on the distortion effect and started shredding. I have seen shredding but this guy is blind man, WOAH. inspirational. After the song, the guy gave him 2 bucks, i gave 4.

but some how i walked away feeling slightly richer :)

2007-10-25T00:37:00.000+08:00

hi guys, thanks fer reading once again.

Been pretty busy lately, and all not about school work (lol) so today just gonna type in some experiences i have lately.

I believe that God has blessed us with the ability to do anything. Recently due to my schedule, i have body aches everyday and often left in fatigue. But I always wanted to try to test whether the brain is capable of activities that would alter bodily motions and systems. For example in the morning after i wake up and walk to school, i told my brain : "Begin wake up program, refresh body rate at 10% interval" Then i would concentrate on waking up my body ( take note i walk and do so ), the sensation is more like you are forcing your brain to wake up, it WILL send shivers down your spine. as in literally, so tat you know you are advancing. Keep doing so till you think you reach 100%. usually I have problems once i hit around 60-70%. but its possible to refresh your state of mind to more than 100%

Still not convinced? Here's a starter i invented to "feel" the sensation. I will do so in steps so that if you do not feel, go back to the previous step and start over.

1- close your eyes and take a deep breath
2- meditate, literally empty your thoughts and focus on the darkness
3- now envision your brain and imagine the excess fluids or strain in your head drain away down your spine
4- (this is the crucial point to me) concentrate on the brain section on the lower back part of your head, envision the brain juices spreading (you should feel it)

at first i thought i was delusional, but i tested the above test on someone, of course i was more detailed, and this self hypnotism is really helpful to get rid of stress, problem is i often have too much stress and have very little time sitting down...

Today was the first time i went wake boarding, and boy was it tough. i went under the school, and there was this girl who kept pestering all those who signed up to showed up... of course i had to go.

$40 for 30 min. 15 min then wait again for the next session of 15 min. I was late and watched how my friends fell again again and again. at first i was thinking this must look very tough... I began asking around for advice from the regulars, i do not want to waste my $40... The guys were somehow impressed by me, either by my enthusiasm, my curiosity or my sporty looking body ( my friends thought i attracted this junior who acted a bit funny towards guys... like me...) I earnestly learn the theory and finally my turn came.

But my attempt was no better than the other guys. None of us actually managed to stand up. My very first attempt left my left hand middle finger internal bleeding cos there was this awesome thug when the speed boat pulled the board. i think about 5 minutes of crash and waiting for the line passed then i finally told myself, Ivan dun be a impatient idiot. take your time and progress each step. Then i looked up to the sky and thanked God for letting me have this chance, and asked him to let me go a little further before falling. And I did. I managed to bend my knees up and the board almost stabilized. of course i came crashing again. But i had more faith, and asked God for more distance and he was faithful.

But when i almost got the hang of things, my first 15 minutes was over. next was justin yeo. back at the floating platform where we wait, we began asking around like how many sessions it took for the regulars to get the hang of things. They then began comparing locations and said that our location, kallang river , is a pretty bad place to start. most of them had a few sessions before stabilizing. i began to be nervous. I knew wake boarding is not easy, but i never thought it could be that tough... Then i saw justin yeo almost standing up, but crashed as usual. then the girl, Maggie, began asking who wants to go next. I asked her to show us what to do since she so enthu to teach, then she went. when she entered the water, the boat sped off, and in 2 seconds the board stabilized and off she went, almost like a pro. Back at the platforms, echoes of "ownage" filled the air.

Then justin yeo began telling me, actually its not that tough, although theory is important, you just need the feeling... I was like... what if i dun have the feeling? It was justin goh's turn. he managed to stabilize , probably inspired by Maggie, but he could only last like 5 seconds. I was like, justin goh was the only potential looking one since the first 15 minutes he managed to stabilized a bit, then in his second session he could stabilize more. I was demoralized since i did not stabilized at all the first 15 minutes.

then my turn came, I was determined but nervous. But my friends began telling me not to worry and try my best. Encouraged i went into the water, only to disappoint myself, i messed up and went smacked down into the water. Looking up and waiting for the boat to pick me up, i asked God, "God, just let me do this." 2nd try. I managed to stand up! I got the sensation but it was short lived. I too came crashing same like the others. But i was determined. I asked God again, and i went slightly further, this time i got the hang of things. The driver kept saying that i am good, now i would prove how good i really am. The next try i took my time, the feeling was right, I managed to synchronize the waves and the board, i kept my balance. And then I realised, I am wake boarding. I could not see the others cos i do not have my specs, but i know that the rest were staring in awe. I went the whole length of the kallang river and managed to make a turn, but the turn proved abit too challenging, I starting drifting away from the line of the boat. and the waves toppled me.

well todays a fun experience, i and the guys would probably wake board every fortnight cos its quite ex. And oh yeah, whole body aching cos of it. the meditation helps though. Ok if anybody wants to know more, just let me know yeah? see ya

2007-10-13T21:11:00.000+08:00

Well enough is enough man... this past week i encountered about 5 different deaths ( 4 persons and a dog ). And with the extremely tiring week, and a suffering "friendship", Its pretty stressful.

First was aunty. Uncle Chee mengs mum. Her passing was very unexpected cos we saw her the previous sunday... I am rather shock and sad to see her leave us...

Next was the unexpected death of a aeronautical student, whose bike fell skid and killed him instantly. I found out when i realised that i am the only person in a class and when i ask the lecturer where are the rest, he told me they all attended his funeral and postponed it

next was when i followed Jemie home when her dog was giving birth to a puppy. it was premature but showed signs of health and hope... I was actually fascinated by its coming into the world... but it died of something the next day...

then was Don's elder sis. She's so young and pretty, but her passing was sad. i am still sad, and amongst the deaths, hers disturbs me. My heart is with his family now.

Then this morning was rather shocking ( but not as bad cos i have seen so many people pass on recently ) was the passing of my great grand mother. she lived to a ripe old age of 102 years old. and now she have gone home to the Lord.

I am not sure about you guys, but i see life very fragile and uncontrollable. its like anytime God can just call you home. Its disturbing. but we have the assurance of salvation that makes a difference.

Because of Don's sis wake, I got into emotional trouble with her. With the added pressures of the late and tiring previous days and the worship session i have to prepare, there was unnecessary tension.

But it still does not change the fact that she always takes things for granted and irritatingly only panic when its like too late. How am i suppose to handle my feelings around someone like that, I ask you.

Glad that my groups project is progressing and that we are moving somewhere. but now the auditor pressuring us to go for the highlighted projects group where we will exhibit the project. pretty scared now. and not scared of the exhibit, but for my grades cos i did not put in as much effort as some of the guys. time to buck up.

had a great jamming session with Farhan before all the madness from yesterday. Was shredding session 101, pure soloing madness, very fulfilling, and i think i may have found my new jamming mate.

then today's worship was kinda good. it was dedicated to Don's sis. I feel that the team done a fairly good job today. there was dynamics and discussion of appropriate music level and understanding. And bernice had her wisdom tooth plucked out, but her chubby cheeks look made it look normal. we felt that she looks like Qoo. lol

Next week is gonna be another exhausting one... everyday got things on...

k guys talk to you again k? thanks girls for visiting my site.

PS: gonna cut my hair soon, I am open to cool suggestions :)

2007-10-08T11:36:00.000+08:00

hi guys, sorry for not updating so much. gotta rush this entry a bit.... just when i am prepared to write an entry, my mum for got something and i have to go somewhere inconvenient... oh well a son gotta do what a son gotta do :)

Anyway, This past week, it felt like God was emphasizing a message to me, and its like he is telling me to have faith. Started when my mum went to a healing service, and came back talking about how she can walk all better and that by faith her knee cap and ligament will grow. Sure i was pretty skeptical, but seeing her walking without the cane, and so full of faith, its as if her knee has already recovered.

Next was Saturday evening, when Josiah, Stanford, Don, Mavis and I had a conversation at the new LJS across the MRT station. I could see that we have mega plans and everything cos of Jo new found passion. I was pretty excited. I know that God is preparing us for another revival. But then yesterday in church after service when having small talk with Wen Xin, Matthew came in and said lots of stuff that encouraged wen xin's idea of the YF is dying. I must have faith, and persevere from all the negativeness that the youths themselves are having and help provide some kind of Hope. and i really believe that since this is God's ministry, This hope can only come from God himself. I will pray extra hard for the YF, and hopefully the rest will join me soon.

And there was the coincidental bumping into Uncle Kit on the way to the station, We had a conversation and he asked me What i think God is doing to the church. I was only excited to tell him what i think God is preparing the YF for something. Then somehow my made my self centred statement by telling me that there is something else in the church that will lead people to God. I said wen Xin? he said no, think again. The lift? Correct he said. I was thinking, "the LIFT?" then he began to tell me how he saw God working and brought about the lift and it almost began about a year ago. One fine day he was talking to the elderlies in church and they said " You know, we can walk very long distance and not feel tired. But when it is very very tiring to climb stairs." Then he saw how the Chinese ministry side elderlies struggling up the stairs. So he felt a deep conviction and decided to approach uncle David Soh, Property chairman at the time. Uncle David was captured by the conviction and began praying alot... cos its just too expensive for the church to settle. But one day as he almost gave up, he shared to one of his old friends and Voila, that friend donated a whole 10k . Uncle david was so excited that he straight away settled the finance for the lift. And then Uncle Kit turned to me, Ivan, the lift is going to serve not only the church elders but the elders of the neighborhood as well. wow.

finally was my conversation with someone last night. She told me that she only wanted to be friends and that we need more time. Yup we need more time, and I need more faith.

Pastor message is also about faith, That its not faith that we lack, but faithfulness.

Guys whoever is reading, I pray that we can have more faithfulness when it comes to the business of the Lord. Amen.

2007-09-17T14:43:00.000+08:00

Yesterday in church was kinda a slow moving day. The weather was too nice to do something crazy and the sluggishness from the CE race is still lingering. Reached late again, and the service was the usual. Pastor's message was on about preaching to the lost. he struck a chord when he shared about sharing to his mum back when he was younger, and that the mum at first abhor the testimonies he shared, but was later afraid to accept because she wants to be with the father after her death.

Which makes me think abit. Life after death? Many people i know disregard their lives, heck i am one of them. Sometimes i say things like, its better to die too. But then who are we to say such things? I fail to see that God is in control... no matter what? Don once said that everybody feels like their own problems seems bigger than others problem, I agree. I mean We are the ones going through it and suffering it. I mean who would really understand what I am going through.

Life seems so sad all the time, I watch the news, sad, I see my family, sad. Its so easy to ignore the grace of God that keeps us alive to laugh and play. Jemie told me that life is good, if you want it to be good, I agree, but thats closing your eyes. Ignorance is bliss but yields curses (i have to add in those words) therefore i conclude that do not be ignorant! watch the news, talk to people and pray about it!

I know that i tend to avoid people sometimes, especially those i know with problems, but i know that i am no different from them. Cant we all see that we are all sinners in small or big ways? no one is more "Holier" than the other, we are all one body in christ! Why cant we share and help out with watever little we have? just taking time to listen have more effect than a misguided counseling session i find, I have lots of problems you see and often unload them to the people around me. Believe me i feel very good, and would always want to return the favor.

No one can honestly say that they do not need friends or people. We need them as much as how we need air to breathe. God created society and allow people to communicate in intelligent ways for us to be one big happy family. darn, i cant help being negative sometimes?

I almost wanted to change my principles yesterday, the philosophy of DUN CARE. just dun care what people think, do or say. Just dun care! Then we got no problems in life. things would seem better, the quarrels will seem like something from your neighbors house, earthquakes will happen only on Mars instead. Just dun care.

But I cant help but care. As much as my grandma screams negative and vulgar comments on my mum, i listened every word. And believe me, its not that i want to hear those words, but i just cant help it. Jemie said i am too nice, I listen to everybodies problems, i mean the real problem is not that i care too much, but its that everyone else does not! Dun we see people with problems coming to church? there are so many kind of problems people bring to church eg.

- loniness
- addiction to a certain sin
- hanging out with wrong company
- false beliefs and bad principles of life
- BGR problems
- family problems
- ego and pride issues
- rejection from society
- etc etc

And I am so disappointed that we cannot really help in anyway! I mean the youths coming to church only get more depressed sometimes. The only ones that really stay are because they grew up there and coming to church is part of their life. I mean is GOD in the picture?

Sad to say i am viewing myself more like a fake christian. A true disciple of christ has discipline, thus the word disciple, and sad to say i lack it. I am as lazy as can get. I wish that i do not have to involve myself in anything that would deprive me of lazing around and doing things i wanna do. I just cant be bothered.

But then again, my life is short. I am 20 now, and have not done anything significant in my life. I was talking to the other youths and realised that i have the worst results in poly after norman... I mean everyone qualifies for uni, but me? sigh...

Loss of direction, and deprived of a stable family. Single mums have it tough. they are the unsung heroes that have to work to bring up the family and raise their children as well. I know many single child from broken families, they somehow share the same pain i have. And not to mention, its a disease that hinders us from becoming better people.

For me? not knowing my father is a issue, btw i was born fatherless, and i am not asking my mum because she would tell me when she wants to. It affects me sometimes, cause i look up to great men in history and the world today and i am sad when i see families with fathers who work hard and care about their children. Families that stay together and have godly disciplines bring up good children basically, their academic and life progress are tend to until they start work and have their own lives.

Single childs have to work out their lives earlier and have no choice but to be independent in some way. the family is in their hands and they have no choice but choose a stable career and life.

But i want to be different. I hate to admit that i fall in the same trap as many other single child where life suck. but i have many friends and family members that care. Its just that God have blessed me with a bad start in life so that one day i will become someone, maybe not to the world but at least for my mum.

Lord I pray that the youths of the world today learn to treasure their families and spread the warmth of your love to other youths around as well. Everyone needs to be loved, and i know that we can feel more of your love when we gather in trust, love and in your warmth of your embrace. Amen.

2007-09-15T20:29:00.000+08:00

Just got back from last night's CE amazing race, a overnight race in orchard road that lasted from 11pm to 6am. Although I was just a station master, I am pretty bushed. But it was all worth it. I am sure the youths enjoyed themselves and learnt a few things. well i learned a few things too.

Feng Nan was 2IC, or HQ. He taught us how to use the walkie talkies or "comset" or watever he calls it, and actually i am not sure to be amused when he keep trying to make things complicated by using military style radio communication. Maybe he thinks its cool? I dunno. But I guess it was kinda necessary. During the whole race, other people intercepted our channels and tried to play a fool with us. In the end i think i still communicated better on the HP :p

Don did well for this one. Although i am not used to his perfectionism, i guess its necessary for a successful event. I mean i found it weird that he needed like 2-3 reky and he did put in effort to make everyone's files and info. Kudos to you bro, guess i need to learn something from you.

Josiah did something weird in macs this morning, he claimed that he wanted to test whether the sms board on the tv was working... so he sent a message that says something like " Elena's bdae was yest, she's A prettiest squash princess" or something like that... I found it really weird. Somehow i can guess that he likes attention from elena and even steffi? oh well, he is a nice guy that does not chooses his friends, he can talk to anybody. I am actually glad that he is taking over the youth. I am very sure under his care, God would bless the ministry.

Sorry but the hangover from not sleeping well is causing me to emo abit. Actually more frustrated than emotional... I was thinking , why am i always caught between 2 camps? My mum and grandma had a fight over spiritual matters again. I have to agree with my grandma that my mum said things without consideration and without thinking really, but i had to disagree to her childishness in handling everything. And now they dun talk to each other even though they see each other all the time. This is dumb... But i know this will be over in about 2-3 weeks. but ultimately the best choice is to move out, away from my grandma. Its not about the responsibility to take care of her or anything, she can take care of herself, believe me. But staying with her is draining to me in all ways.

How I am caught between? Both of em are old and need someone to help. So today even though i am so dead tired, i have to switch attention to my mum and grandma. And if they got anything to tell each other, i will be the middleman. I mean come on! this really is childish...

come to think about it, i see this almost everywhere i go. Even during my 3 months industrial training program, 2 or 3 of my supervisors fought because of me. Its not that i am so good that they all want me, but they were using me to show each other boss. I feel a little used now i think about it...

Then there are times with friends too, have to decide which group of friends are more important... there is my sec school friends, poly friends, church friends, and the girl i am seeing now to balance... I think in the sense having too many close friends is not such a good thing. I feel like i am losing all of them the more i try to balance...

then there was church. Peng Soon was my advisor and spiritual father, really. He watched over me and fed me spiritually.( talking of which i got to meet him soon, i did promise to see him this break :) ) then came the incident when he was accused of molesting kids... then aunty julia came along, found it weird how she supported the investigations on peng soon and snap up the position of youth counselor the moment peng soon got kicked out... But dun get me wrong i am not saying that i accuse her of felony, I love them both, but i am very sad that they could not work together. I learnt from Julia that she was the youth counselor until PS came along, but clash of working style and presto, the rest you can figure out.

I feel somehow empty. not because of lost of direction, but i feel that there is indeed no such thing as love. And love like agape love is really a rare thing nowadays. Where is the love? yesterday i saw the youth treasure their pride and ego more than loving the BB boys... I am really sad really.

going to the youths is a sad reality of what the world is turning into. A world without hope and people just caring for themselves, and they are happy compared to people who actually cared to care. No one cares about each other. they dun ask personal questions but crack stupid jokes, people who care are seen as intruders, and the youths rather follow the vocal ones.

yes i am rather vocal myself, I feel like i have lost my identity for some time already... I am not really sure who i am anymore... I cant be myself infront of people, I am really actually am person who dun really like to crap, but just want to know people personally... Why is it so hard?

And seriously, I have issues. I cannot talk to a girl with pure intentions. the intentions may be pure at first but then i become afraid to talk to them. Seriously, most of my female friends become my GF in the end, and then i lose them. sounds like a loser ya?

And then there is the people who expect me to condone to their situation no matter what. Like my single bros are kinda disappointed i am seeing someone. I mean COME ON. I never react that way when they are seeing someone! I support them and wish them the best, what i got instead? " wah, you choose the girl instead of us, you good lah"

watever. this crappy world makes crappy people, and sadly i belong to the majority. I am afraid of rejection, i mean i dun really have other places to go to. Family? thinking about our situation is more depressing than my other problems already. People say that i will be stronger, they understand or i am making selfish comments, i mean come on, I know i can be a better person. but so many things are holding me down! ITs so unfair! I really want to be a better person really. really.

I want to make people smile and fellowship, i want to see people loving one another without conditions, but i guess all that is fantasy. just a mere dream...

God, If there is one thing you can do? is to show us what motivated you to the cross.

2007-09-12T00:18:00.000+08:00

hihihi welcome back folks, thanks fer those who visited, i am actually amazed sometimes who visit this site... always the most unexpected people... hahaha, ( yup talking about you eunice ) kk promise not to anyhow type swear words liao...

heres a little refreshing video on you noob guitarist inspiratist on how you have to tune the guitar. this is straight out of a instructional video from paul gilbert titled "terrifying guitar trip"

so my friends, i have just finished a 7 hour movie titled "the 10th Kingdom". Its kinda heartwarming, but amazingly cruel in some parts. Imagine ugly trolls in punk rock outfit chasing 2 ordinary new york citizens in a fantasy world where fairy tale princess eg. snow white, rule. pretty cheesy, but entertaining in the end

okok. heres a bit about my first electric guitar lesson. MY TEACHER DO NOT PLAY THE ELECTRIC GUITAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he is a bassist in some band and for some reason gives me the vibes like he does not really knows what he is doing. however we crash course music theory and talked quite abit about professional musicianship. he mentioned the LCM or london college of music, and said that i should be able to jump to grade 5... :) according to him the exams are easy. i am going to take his word for it.

okok, been learning how to sweep pick lately, the raking exercise is amazingly boring and puts me to sleep sometimes but heres a vid that would definitely help us newbies out there! HAPPY SHREDDING!

IVAN SIGNING OUT OUT OUT

2007-09-10T14:09:00.000+08:00

hey peeps and feebs, welcome back for another episode of who's blog is it anyway! oops i mean all new episode of the rare christian ivano!

here's my life update:

now is school break, i mean a months break before the new semester begins, but i am in school almost if not everyday. and WHY!? FREAKIN' FINAL YEAR PROJECT! its the curse of all final year students (or most that i know of) and i lost my break!!!!!!!! argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

screaming does help btw :)

anyway, here in school even though there is no project meeting today. :( WTH!!!!!!!

sigh, screaming really does help.

okok. so what ya guys wanna know? i today just wanna crap around and talk anything i want and ya all the helpless victims of my mindless bantering. MWA HAHAHAHA!!!

what kind of movies do you like to watch? I know that people are very very particular about the shows they watch nowadays. i mean my friends and i decide what movie to watch at cinemas or which to download and just watch when bored ( oops ). but non the less what kind of movies do you like?

I like action movies, i kinda like those typical stories when a nobody rise to somebody, very inspirational and always motivate me that its possible to become someone one day. but i do not like shows that seems like the hero is invincible or something. however i really like the Die Hard series, watching the invincible john mclane seems very amusing somehow.

Oh and i like watching slasher flicks and horror movies but i somehow never watch those good classics though.

some horror movies i wanna watch:
Ju-on series
the ring (jap ver.)
black night
i know what you did last summer series
urban legends 2 and if got 3 then also 3
house of wax
the original night of the living dead, dusk of the dead...
etc etc

okok, its not that i am sadistic. actually i am still abit afraid when watching this kind of movies, i can get paranoid if too real ( eg. blair witch project, poltergeist, the ring (US), It ( stephen King ), The Shining ( Also Stephen King ) etc etc.) and slasher flicks or sudden loud sounds still make me jump ( the scream series esp the 3rd one although its not scary, wes craven that stupid idiot just put alot of sudden sounds to scare his audience, freddy vs jason, or any friday the 13 or halloween movies) but the are some that i really enjoy ( the exorcist, double vision, nightmare on elmstreet series,scream series,final destination series,jason series,silent hill and resident evil, dawn of the dead (hot fav!!!), land of the dead (quite bad, but its the last from the zombie movie founder george A. romario) and more)

yup i like my horror movies, but i like sappy romantic stories too sometimes... like:
a walk to remember
lake house
3 iron
blah blah, cant rmb as well as the horror movies...

ah well. nowadays dun watch tv liao, but still watch the news to keep up to date with the world. but recently been watching alot of guitar vid here's one from one of my guitar heroes paul gilbert in the G3 tours, this one with joe satriani and john petrucci enjoy!

cool right. today kinda nervous too, first day in rockschool... so wish me the best. oh yeah, i will post more vids i like so just stay tune, will try to update my blog every monday, so do check once in a while. SEE YA AND GOD BLESS! stay off the drugs kids.

~~~~~~~~~~~~SIGNING OUT TOTOTOTOTOTO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2007-08-22T20:30:00.000+08:00

Sorry guys for not updating... pretty busy nowadays, ya know exams and all (though not busy enough cos i am doing this entry now... hehehehe...)

Just wanna say a little something. I am staying with my grandmother. She is the most vulgar, insensitive lady you can meet in ya life ( I assure you, so far i have not met anyone as unreasonable and obnoxious as her ). She is the reason i hate going home, stopping the family from getting together, stopping my spiritual growth (in some ways only ar) and causing me to get high blood pressure and depression at such young age.

She drove away my family and now i and my mum struggle day by day to keep up with her orders. She is ultra control a freak and she expects the best and highest quality about everything. she cares only about herself and only wants attention to herself.

but then today when i got home ( she pissed me off to school this morning ) i saw a pitiful lady, yearning to be loved. At the dinner table when i was quietly eating away leftovers from her lunch, she kept saying :

" Sian ar, everything is so sian... "

Dear Lord, really wanna love her with all my might, but her attitude is killing me. All my life i have been with her. how i pray that you Lord would have mercy on her and let her return to you...

Sigh, emoing now cos of my grandma. quite guilty also cos i slammed around this past few days cos of exams and emotional stress.

I think i have successfully failed a few modules tis semester. Due to the hiccup from the beginning of the 2nd term, i was not able to catch up and lost alot of marks due to the fact i did not do a single project. I am actually preparing myself to stay back one semester now. talked to my mum about it. she told me that she was already anticipating something like this. Then I was thinking to myself, " IF YOU KNOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS WHY DIDNT YOU HELP ME? "

Then i realised that my mum really was letting me live my own life.

some part of me cannot handle this freedom. I need someone to help me out, but not at the expense of freedom. sigh...

Early this week, though in the heat of exams, i was just practicing the guitar then i just thought about practicing scales... Then i remembered a Micheal Angelo instructional vid talking about the tremelo. I went ahead, and PRESTO! i found my new addiction! SHREDDING!!!!!!

for a long time i never felt like this about my guitar playing! i was wacking the strings at a speed around 190 - 200 bpm! or maybe even faster! but i did not know what to play with the new found speed. So now i am practicing my scales, although i cannot skip strings so fast so i play like each note like 4 times, but keeping with the speed of 80 bpm. learn abit of tapping today, that too is a joy. And a bit of sweeping and I HAVE MEMORISED THE MAJOR SCALE!!!!!!! FREAKING WOOO!!!!!!!!!

okok, gotta go. found back my joy of guitar! SEEYA SOON!!!!!

2007-07-17T22:34:00.000+08:00

Moving on... Finally I have come to terms with some of the issues i have. Here is the damage report since the last entry:

- countless emo days
- confused about the future
- unable to study therefore i took a extended 2 weeks break after the 2 weeks holidays, therefore missing alot in school and failed plenty of tests
- Come to terms with a girl i like, now we are friends, dun plan to skip the friendship part, have to come to terms with issues like companionships and priority
- have a more stable desire of musicianship, was chionging like a blind bull for the past month, now at least more stable but still frustrated over which instrument to specialise in or whether to become a vocalist...
- finally got back the desire to help coordinate the church worship ministry, partly due to the fact that now wen xin is the worship coordinator.
- dropped my keyboards and now playing the guitar when can afford to.
- want to serve God more.

Thats what i have to report for the past month. I apologise to those who read my blog and got disappointed. I pray that you will forgive me.

I guess i was impatient and my heart was not really right about performing, however i am still excited to display my musicianship true worship, To Glorify the almighty father above and to bring the people closer to him.

I had a long talk with her today, and it ended peacefully. She indeed is mature enough to see the need to take things slowly, and that helped me to see many things. I guess i always wanted a taste of stardom, but what makes me think i got what it takes to hit the mainstream industry?

After the talk , I asked her for a quiet time by myself, and after she left i sang to myself. At first I sang about the frustration of loving.

" God, Is it that wrong to love?
Such a painful pleasure, Such worthless gain?"

Then I began to wonder why it hurts to love

" God, Could it be my own selfish desires,
That have tainted and destroyed love?
What I thought was joy at open waters
Have become death and decay. "

Then a thought came to me

" Why cant people love one another without gain?
Why cant people love each other like Jesus would?"

Then a contemplation came...

" I realized that one reason is that i do not realize
how much i mean to you...

I have devalued myself to an undesirable extend
I realized that i do not love myself
I do not love me for who I am "

" But you loved me no matter how much i sinned...
Jesus, you are right when you gave the second commandment
" love each other as you would love yourself "
Indeed such wisdom, yet it comes with such great price..."

" Love is patient, it is kind and never wanting.
love requires sacrifice and devotion.
Only you God teach such great things... "

" Does it matter whose denomination is more right?
What matters is that you are the Head and the Holy Spirit be our guide "

" Oh God, How great thou art.
You are worthy of all praise "

" I want to share your heart with everyone,
Everyone needs to know about your love and the message that you came to bring"

" Jesus, I want to help prepare
prepare for what man was doomed to go through "

" We will not be able to save many,
But I pray that through us, some may "

" People need to care about others,
and put their selfish selves one side "

" And when people come to love one another,
Then can they experience the love you came to bring "

" Help me to bring that message of love "

Thats it, I decided that i am going to start another band. this one only for the Glory of Christ and the members whom i know already have a heart to serve. However i am afraid to approach all of them as i am not that close to them.

I am afraid but God give me strength, I am not looking for a committed band now but one where we can enjoy playing together and bring the message that you died to bring.

2007-05-24T19:25:00.000+08:00

Moshi Mosh Guys! I wanna try something new with this rickety no purpose site which sits amongst million of other sites that could be in the same state as this, to some use.

As a aspiring guitar player, I wanna share the world and discover the great world of music with you. Most of all, To share how God is in the big PICTURE!

I know its rather ridiculous, but i wanna play the guitar, I wanna rock a stage with a burning fretboard in my humble hands. Its something i really wanna do of late...

But I suck. I cant play properly. I hit chromatics the whole fretboard only at like 60 bpm... Thats slow. I cant shred, arpeggios, sweep, mode, scale... ar watever you name it, I probably cant play it.

Still a noob. But i wanna admit first of all that I am a noob. I am willing to learn and I personally feel that perseverance is the key to success (not that item you DOTA freaks!)

So here's a question for all of you to ponder.

" Whats music to you "

Okok, so those of you who are looking at this site now. Just leave a comment

gonna pound the guitar now. night

2007-05-20T01:22:00.000+08:00

20/5/87

the day i was born

20/5/07

Current Situation : Now Lying in bed, recovering from a cold flu i recieved a day before...

Not your ideal birthday situation isnt it.

Sure i wished i was better, go to church and Worship God while getting greetings from the others, I dun feel a bit deprived a little bit.

Though I do feel however that i should not have missed service yesterday and today... my mum said that the message was impactful. But due to unforeseen circumstances and what seemed more important, being there for someone in times of need.

Sure, excuses. but hey, someone was better and I thank God for that.

But yesterday was one pleasant surprise after another. Started out at youth yesterday.

I did not expect anything maybe because i thought they celebrating birthday only in june... then when i saw Don announcing that its my birthday, I was like "ah, saboh..." Then when i turn back, I saw that big cake with my name on it. then i went "wha..." I was shocked, flabbergasted. Stacy then brought the cake to me... I was too happy to say anything already...

Then my mum and I were late for dinner. Uncle He Meng, drove us there although out of the way. to the mandarin hotel, pine courts. My aunt wanted a celebration there as a birthday gift to me. thank God we reached on time. By that time, i was already confirmed sick...

Then the family came, wishing me one by one. Even my cousin's girlfriend who does not talk to anyone came up to wish me. and they passed me my presents. This year i have only 3 material presents. ( i did not expect anything though , now i am on cloud nine ) wait i have 4, the most important one to me, the one Don pass me. haha

We had a great dinner, had great conversations, and got to catch up with everybody. Boy did i miss them. then it was time for the birthday cake that the restaurant kept as a surprise. A medium sized brownie cake. FUUUUUUUU!

then when my family sang the birthday chorus, they noted to me the foreign couple that clapped for me too. I had to return formalities, i brought 2 cakes over for each of them, and the female companion returned with a friendly 2 way kiss. AH THAT WAS MY FIRST TIME WITH A FOREIGNER!

then the restuarant invited a 3 stringed instrument band to perform for me, although they were in a rush, they extended their heart felt wishes. More than enough for me. And danced with the couple, who were Greeks, although i danced badly and was sick, i hope to put up a good face for singaporeans ( so patriotic ar me ) and then took pictures with them and said our good byes!

then I took a spin in my aunt's new car, the latest series of the Toyota vios. I know, its not that great, But it has a killer sound system in it. Rocking!

then we went to macs, had some snacks ( you know how is it to eat in a posh restaurant, you will never be full ). then it was time to say our good byes.

Under the effects of panadol, i was knocked out throughout the ride home. reached home rather late, but then went online to check emails and stuff. Then I managed to suprise someone whom i admired for the past one year. ( not infactuation admire, but just admire ). whoopie doo doo!

Then When I woke up, to discover i felt too sick to leave for church. Whoopie poo poo. man...

But all those smses that wished me "get well soon" and "Happy Birthday"s empowered me to get well soon. I never felt so much love in such a short period of time...

God I am sorry i missed service today. But I promise you that i do not take lightly the divine worship that is to worship and to glorify your name in watever i do. You blessed me with breath 20 years ago, I exalt you oh God.

God indeed deserves all exaltations, let us do so whenever it comes to our birthdays!

Okok, i gotta go rest now... sweating like a pig...

JA NE!

2007-05-13T23:58:00.000+08:00

Moshi Moshi! Minna, Konbanwa!

Arigatou gozaimasu, hontou! kochi no kakkoi e omoshiroi rare christian ivan desu! rare no donoyouni? very the rare lah!

13/5/07

Mothers day, its the day that everybody remember the well earned efforts that our mothers put in to bring us into this world.

I am thankful for my mum, although she may be blur at times and often listens to everything i say, i will never take advantage of her and love her with all my might!

HONTOU DESU!

i dun wanna disappoint her as her child, so i will try my best to be the best son in the world k? bwahaha, but like you will ever read this entry mum, (i never told my mom about the blog though)

okok, this week was rather a mentally packed week for me, i was keeping myself mentally busy by constantly studying for around 15 hours a day. what i do, study in class, or while traveling, study flash, worship songs, or japanese. revise my keyboards, guitar... and trying to meditate upon God's word.

since monday, after you all sent your lovely replies, i was motivated to work hard, but i guess i did not work smart. friday, i got burnt out, did not attend a single class, reached school at 9, went straight to com lab, reading emails and studying my japanese...

then every night, i spend meaningless hours staring at the computer screen, playing games or chatting, to fill the emotional needs. sad, but it keeps me from thinking too much i guess.

sad, i have 3 friends who just broke up with their partners, and one struggling to keep one... its hard for i know, but i kinda feel sick to see relationships taken so lightly nowadays.

not many see the effort needed to maintain a relationship. it takes time, commitment, money and creativity to keep the flame going. its not just fulfilling each others emotional or physical needs. maybe the world's point of view about relationship is really that sad...

but i shant be bothered. i will try to comfort those who are going through the post breakup periods. and i think we should all to. Lets not judge them but tend to their needs first. nobody who went through commitment in their relationship wants a breakup, believe me.

On saturday, the last bs session i had with my group, i was filled with the knowledge and wisdom of the holy spirit. and i realised that i needed to do the following before that could happen.

- i came before God at the altar and grieved over the specifics sins that i have committed.
- i recognized God's wisdom and power
- I firmly stand by the gospel.
- i submit myself, subjected to allowing in the power of the Holy Spirit.
- I was in deep worship

and i realized that it takes alot of preparation just to make sure i could lead. but its not fully proven. i would clarify and see how this saturday will turn out.

The last session was a emotional one for me, at the end of the best session that i ever taught, i apologised for being such a terrible teacher and prayed for them.that they will be light of the world and salt of the earth

And I also realised the importance of pastoral care, by being a big brother to these people, i can show them the love that christ taught us. However that does not mean i have to be soft, I will show them appropriate actions for their own good.

I love the Youth i realised... they have become part of me. part of me wanna let go, part of me dun want to. Its a trap, and a stumbling block should God call me to serve elsewhere...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then there is school... I am trying very hard to study for each class, but i think i just started engines, and only learning the true way of paying attention and making full advantage of each class. Partly cos none of my close classmates from the former class are with me now, i can pay attention. but then its lonely and people see me as a outcast at times, maybe because of my hair?

About my hair, its not that i dun wanna cut, or i think i look good in it, its just that i dunno wat to do with it... i wanna look good, not that i am vain or anything... ( or maybe just a little... fufufufu ) i just wanna look ok, and keep a style cool enough for gig

i am over packing myself again. Kairos may be over, but i signed up for vocals and went back for campus crusade and had committed to go for bible study with them and join their life meetings, or service. time management is very important now, i still trying to slot a time to visit the hairdresser... haiz. oh wells.

I wonder whether i am IT savvy? my internet keeps getting spoiled and there are always missing system files.. man... i wanna be proficient in my IT skills as well. I kinda realised the importance of IT skills? it helped me in my attachment and at home. Basic networking and applications like ppt, words, or excel is soooooo impt.

i see the need for alot of skills. IT, mechanical, music, lifeskills, homeskills. the list is endless. but i guess God blessed me with the joy of learning i guess. Thanks be to God. Although i may not be smart , and quite slow at studies, but i still enjoy what i like to do.

so my friends who are reading this blog. Many things are permissible, but not everything is beneficial. learn as many things while you still can, there's always the chance you will need it. and believe me, integrate it with you life and you will find the power in the knowledge. May God bless you and keep you in His Grace.

Amen.

Ja ne!

2007-05-08T16:49:00.000+08:00

8 may 2007

Darn it guys, i did not expect so many people reading the last entry. When i wrote it, i did not have in mind people actually reading it, rather more like a personal entry. so embarassing. how to face you all now?

But i thank God, that you all shower your care and concerns through your replies. It assured me and have comforted me through the days since then.

I know i tend to keep things bottled up, my idea is that everybody has enough of their own problems, they do not need to bear mine as well. And here i thought i could be a hero by listening out other people's as well. I have learnt my lessons.

Sorry guys, i probably made you all concerned and worried for a while. I really do not expect this, and i do not want to make you all feel this way anymore. I will try to open up, but moderately ok? So that i wont sound so suicidal all the time. haha

Maybe i blog about how i was since i saw all those replies in the chat box? I wanted to make this entry before i make anyone else concerned last night. but reached home after keyboards, too tired to think. Rushed about 3 episodes of a jap drama, went to slp.

Last night was the first time i spoke to my keyboards lessons instructor, Daniel, about anything (although we already had 4-5 lessons...). Partly cos there is a old couple that came to learn and they really want to play well for their personal worship but they have no music background, so they passively were holding the rest of the class back. I just felt bad if i were to ask the instructor anything, cos that might demoralise the couple? I will feel rather guilty one...

But then last night, the couple could not make it, reducing the stress level and the class size to only 3 of us. Daniel was later commenting that he dun really have anything to teach us cos we learn rather fast (actually because i have a little keyboards background back in primary school, thats why) so he will just entertain any question. that was the best thing other than reading the replies of the chat box.

I asked moderately as much as i wanted, even of things unrelated or not covered in the course, and he entertained my every questions, even taking a little time after class to talk to me.

And this morning, although reaching class late again, i managed to pay attention for most of my lectures (except for the one where the lecturer is plain reading off the text) and talked to my classmates during the break, esp those not from my actual class! i made new friends, and could talk to them.

I learnt something, thats its important to have friends, and no matter how bad your times are, when they are around, and give you motivation, it will the strength that will drive you to persevere with whatever trouble you are going through.

DOUMO ARIGATO GOZAIMASU! thank you so very much for posting in the chat box! I never felt so assured to this level for a very long time now.

watashi wa daijoubu no desu! minna so yasashii, shitashimiyasui!

boku wa suki minna desu yo!

See you soon (got a campus crusade to attend to, haha)

2007-05-05T22:53:00.000+08:00

Konbanwa! Ivan no bloggo BANZAI no desu! Dozo yoroshiku!

Doumo arigato gozaimasu, welcome back for another episode of the rare christian Ivan no desu! Yahoo!

Wagarimasen, ninhongo nani dai yo? (wats with the jap!) anata wagarimasuka?

Anata ninhonjin nai... hai hai. Singapore' jin desu. shikashi, bouku wa raiku ninhongo desu ne...

kay kay, enough with the jap. on with the real stuff...

Actually, i kinda feel lonely at times, sometimes in school, sometimes in church, esp sometimes at home. I seem to have lost my social skills or something, i dun really like talking to people as much as before. wonder why am i thinking like this...

and not to mentioned, i really got sick of the getting into a relationship idea already... sometimes i grow especially exhausting to face a couple, loving or not...

I am just so tired of answering to anybody... i feel so weak and adequate, i cant stand up for my own judgement, i am always looking for people to pity me, to love me. i get what i want, but yet not what i really need. I do not feel so loved nowadays, i guess everybody around me is too busy to do so. maybe thats why i am keeping myself busy as well. My only joy now is learning, its the only accomplishment i can satisfy myself with now... I should tap into this great brain that God gave me...

My mum, she has her own problems... cant believe how happy the family can be when my grandma is not around... it felt so wrong... everything seems so wrong when everything seems to be getting better... i just see no end to misery...

this is so demoralising. i only know how to make people sad, angry, disturbed... i do not know how to bring a smile to people's faces, except by being a idiot. I hate being a idiot. but i guess its hard to get by by not being a idiot sometimes...

i use to see my cousin's everyday back then... i was so much happier... but now i hardly see them... And now i really worry when people talk to me, its always about business, about their own problems, whatever. there's like no freedom. no liberation from this silence i rather face everyday. All i get a temporal delights that can fade in a sec. i can go out for a movie with a friend, smiling away. go home and face a grandma, who is deem to spoil your day no matter what. or a phone call from a nuisance girl. The only few people that is willing to care now is Don, but i dun wanna rely on him. i dun like it that i have to rely on him every time i am down. cos he never really let me know when he is, cos he got a girlfriend.

thats one antidote for loniness, get a partner.

I used to be like that. Then i think about it, its going to make me more lonely in the future. I hate to be lonely. DAMN IT!!!!!!!

i just cant help it. i just cant help it... how i wished i have a brother or a sister whom i can bully or talk to... or just a friend that i can stick to with till the end...

I dont want to be anything anymore, i dun feel like being a chairman of anything anymore, its more like a burden. its not like i am doing anything significant anyway, the youth might be better off then have a moody lonely chairman...

i pray that i will feel better soon. somehow i keep getting these mood swings easily.

Sayonara , oyasuminasai.

Jesus, aishiteru.

2007-04-28T10:19:00.000+08:00

Today is 28th of april 2007. I shouldnt be doing this now, cos i am rushing to help my mum to do the goceries then rush off to church for worship practice. But I just thought of typing this down before I lose these memories.

Just completed a series titled, 14 sai no haha ( 14 year old mother ). It talks about the struggles of a 14 year old girl, who wants to give birth to her baby no matter the cost. Although its emotional and more suited for girls, i found myself hooked to every of the 11 episodes.

From the show, I learnt above how precious life can be. That we should treasure it with whatever the costs. Cos sometimes in life we make mistakes. And some time it comes down hard on us. But what matter the most is how we pick up ourselves and carry on the fight.

Life on earth is a fight. No one goes through a easy life. If you are going through easy now, its always at the expense of somebody. Life is harsh. But God gave us the ability to live through these, thats why we must fight the good fight.

Also the show taught me to decide for myself. Up till now i still am a yes-man, and a crowd pleaser. But i realised that thats what i like to do. I like to see people smiling and talking. I like to see people hugging one another, shaking hands, or even just nodding at one another. I just want to see when friends share deep emotions and strengthen innocent ties as brothers and sisters.

God I would do anything to see the YF to become the most enjoyable YF in the whole world. I want to see them happy. I want to smile and bring your joy into their hearts.

Although I myself suffer alot, due to stress, loniness, busyness, a family that cannot understand... I still want to enjoy every session of YF. I want to see people happy praying, worshipping, fellowshipping, learning God's word. God I would do anything.

Thats why I decided, that today onwards, i will put a smile on my face, no matter how bad the times are, no matter how lonely i am. I do not want to upset the people around me anymore. I just want to make them happy.

Thank God I watched the series, I benefitted from it. Haha, I bet some of you are gonna condemn me gay or sissy after this. But its ok. I will just have to accept the consequence and just press on.

Ivan out!

2007-04-17T23:25:00.000+08:00

Banging on the Casio Keyboard as if i just found a long lost friend. The Notes that fills the air, ring with such nostalgic resonance. Chord after chords, I came up with new tunes, reviving whatever memory of the sensations i had about 10 years ago.

I found my new partner in crime, my keyboard. I was playing the guitar, plucking away tunes from this book i recently bought, 50 easy classical guitar pieces, and then got hit by some inspiration, music transfered from my fingers into the too old keyboard. I hope to hit the right notes in due time, but i realised that i have only been playing everything by feel...

Thats dangerous, playing by feel. It limits your capabilities, makes you think that you have to maintain your style, stay original and dun be a cover. But how to learn if you dun play pieces brought together by famous people, like mozart and paul gilbert?

I met quite a few people who like to play by feel. I am one of them. They cant go far. Why? cos they like their own style too much to learn new ones. Kinda EGO thing? You play, it sounds good, you keep it, and you use it for that particular song all the way.

Anyway, I really missed playing on the keyboard. Its cool, simple to generate tunes, more organised, and less harder to improvise than the guitar. Less stuff to memorise as well. Guitar shredding is nuts, but on the piano is chicken feet.

Today school was soso, managed to get through class, distracted by a comic i borrowed from a recently made friend, and some bad and good jokes i made. Overall, I hope i did not miss much.

School is so routine man... We just got nothing to celebrate about after seeing each other after our attachment period. I hardly wanted to talk to anyone as well, just thinking about talking gives me headaches

Dun get me wrong, i love talking, its just that, i really got nothing to talk about, I mean, why is it that you must communicate to have companionship? I would just love to spend one day, sitting and doing stuff, with a friend, without much talking. but then again that kinda sucks, and should leave it for the romantic moments.

How i long for the day to sit side by side with the girl that God has prepared for me. We wont have to look at each other, we have fallen too deep in a sentimental state of mind. We would stare at the sea, feel the breeze of the ocean, admire the skies and the sand. We would be alone, just admiring the quietness, and beauty of everything around us. Our minds would be pure, our leaning on each other would not tempt, there will be no lust in my mind, just joy and gladness for my love.

The trees would shelter us, shadowing us when its too hot, shelter us when it drizzles. She would snug and cuddle up to me for warmth, i would gladly offer. It would be the most intimate, wonderful period of my life, a time i look forward everytime.

And now and then we would gaze into each other eyes, admiring the pupils, and looking deep into each other souls. entranced we would smile, for we have fallen deeply in love.my arm would be around her shoulder, she would look up to me for comfort and security. And i would give her what she asks for.

We would sit there, allowing the people around us to be ignored, like as if they were never there. The sun would rise, and set. We would doze off in each others arms, and never be afraid of each other, for we will always be there for each other.

How i long for that day. Sad to say not many girls i know nowadays like a guys who do nothing but sit and admire nature. They prefer shopping, clubbing, social activities, stuff like that. They like conversationalist, jokers and jerks. No more gentle, quiet guys.

Ya I know, I am not quiet. I can be super noisy and nonsensical. But really, thats my romantic side, I suck. I flirt as if i am super nice, bring you all out, but then actually i got nothing much installed.

I really cant seem to let it out of my head. How many times, I look at the streets, television shows, ads, families... And i just want to enjoy the same companionship that God created us for. What so wrong about that?

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

funny, no matter how i scream in cyber space, it will never be heard...
felt...
It would be seen like a joke.

Ivan's a joke, He going about life, but actually he got no life.
actually i do have a life, but...
But what? you cant handle your emotions, you suck...
You cant blame me, i am only human...
Humans have relationships, you cant even handle one...
Thats not true, i have friends...
then why are you complaining about no companionship?
I am talking about my life partn...
partner? Ivan, no girl would want a low life like you...
Thats not true, i know girls like me...
Then why do they never approach you?
Thats... I dunno...
Cos You are nothing but just a flirt!
I am not!
Admit, you enjoyed every moment of it...
I guess i do... but...
But what? Girls will never feel secure around you!
But why? as if they know...
Swallow your stinking pride and see that girls hate you.
But how can that be?
Look at your partner in attachment, see how she resents you...
it was a mistake...
You keep justifying yourself... you are the mistake!
NO! I am not a mistake... why are you always tormenting me?
Torment? More like enlightening you, you jack ass...
Who are you?
I am you...
ME?
A part of you that desires you to think right, do right, live right...
If you are part of me, then why am i so wrong?
cos it sucks to be right...
yes it does...
Nobody would want a goody two shoes...
Or a serving boy...
Or a pushover...
I can see who you are now...
I come and develop myself...
through the bible, i know.
now that you know who i am, listen to what i have to say...
Listen, why cant you act?
I cant, i cant force you... i can only advice you...
But why? Do i deserve anything?
You just need to stop thinking about these things...
but its so hard...
you just have to talk to people, and stop talking to me...
but i have no one to talk to...
then talk to me, but never lack friends.
I thought i never...
but you are not putting effort into maintaining friendships...
Why do i always have to be the one?!
Cos they wont do it you idiot.
i know God prepared a girl for me...
she wont be here...
Wh... WHY!?
cos in your sinfulness, God knows that you would taint her again.
Again? she has been desecrated?
like you have desecrated some...
But i know God forgave me...
And so have he cleanse the girl he wants to present to you...
but my hands are still dirty...
take them away...
my eyes flicker in mischief...
take them away...
my heart lusts...
take it away...
my brain corrupts...
take it away...
Lord, when will i ever see her?
Only in prayer, can you hold on to my words and persevere.
but why?
You are destined for things... there is no time for girls now...
destined?
Destined... for my glory.

2007-04-15T23:52:00.000+08:00

Yo welcome back again for another whole new episode of the life of the rare christian I.V.A.N.O. ( machiam i some kind of superstar like that ) haha

I got great aspirations, and my whole family ( mycousins ) will be involved! Imagine this!

My band's music--------Kellie's contacts
- -
- Great -
- Show! -
- -
- -
Lester's dance --------- Mel's Designs
crew

Eh! Together, we're entertainment! haha!

Anyway, School is starting tomorrow, always have that anxious feeling, guess i still aint cool enough to take anything coming my way. Got the timetable and stuff, kinda sucky cos there is this chance that the whole class has split, i wont be with the rest, its like starting all over again.

Attachment ended with us giving out ferrero roshe' out to everyone, saying our thanks and byes. Mr Lim the boss of the company sent us off with questions like...

Mr Lim: "So, Chinn Yi, ask him wat i asked you earlier?"

CY: " er... He asked us, how would you answer if a guy asks you something that you are not specialized in?"

Me: "erm, i will try to get back to him, go back and do a little research?"

Mr Lim: "Ok... You should say 'Because i am only trained to that level!'"

ok.... wth lah, wat a way to send us off. quite diao. Anyway. I met some of the guys later, and went to have seoul garden, where we were trying to kill each other with jealousy. then went to k box to sing through the night. Man, do they have lousy selection of english songs. All chinese. But hey! I learnt quite a bit. Sang with them quite a few jay chou songs, wei lan, sun yan ze, tank. I was like watching them sing like 80% of the 4 hours we spent there. Cos i was bored, i try to learn chinese while they were singing. But nothing to do, so i keep drinking. TIGER! ICE COLD. bwa haha. Then i did not go drunk but became extremely tired, because i slept only 5 hours the day b4. Then when i sing, i cant sing properly. My throat becomes quite bad when i drink. Then i help to clear my colleagues cup, man... So pai seh. Back at the company i was giving the impression that i can sing, cos sometimes i practice in the workshop, cos very noisy there, they shouldnt be able to hear me ( but thats one of the reason i am quite deaf )

Oh well, It seems like i am going to lose contacts with them. but i really like them alot, but i am really like on diff frequency with them leh, and they always speak chinese. Its really straining to be with them, cos i trying hard to hear what they say, cos they speak quite fast, and then interpret and understand. Then they always wonder why i so quiet, cos i dunno what to say, and when i respond, i sound weird.... darn it. I really want to learn chinese, but i dun really have people guiding me. I wanna sing chinese songs too...

Today, I couldnt go to church cos my body gave up after all that moving around. I just needed the morning to rest. And I really am touched. I dunno what my mum said to some of the youths, but they start smsing me to tell me to get well soon? Funny cos i was not really sick, just chao ta for a while. I getting sappy now, feeling too touched, i wanna cry.

Getting really tired of going to church nowadays, I wonder where are the good ol times where i can enjoy my times in church. Now i just go to church hitting upon assignments, and tasks. But i hold on to Aunty SH words, Its an honor to strive for the Lord. I will strive all the way for the YF if i need to. Now as chairman and worship coordinator, I am trying my best upon my busy lifestyle to study as much music and organising skills to improve how i run things.

Learnt alot from organising the big bang worship. I can see that the band wanna stick together. I am touched. Maybe i have decided to split into 3 bands. And that its a permanent one, cos of band chemistry and style adaptations.

I really am sad when i find it hard to work with Norman... Maybe he is too good for us? I just cant help it but crumble whenever i see the "professional" image hanging on him... Then he wonder why i cant control the situation... Then when i pull myself together and make a musical stand, he got his comments... I dunno... Then he got his problems of coming as and when he likes... And he keeps complaining how busy he is. Actually everyone is as busy, so am i. but he just makes me feel bad all the time... Like as if i really suck in the things i do. But he greatly influenced me to become something else, actually i began listening to classical music long before, because i saw him and Yang hui singing, i was jealous, and thought of becoming the one who will sing by her. Now i still want to sing with her, but not really because of relationships reasons now.

He also shown me that it is possible to make it out there in the entertainment industries. I always wanted to try and see how it is out there during my non white hair periods.

His singing style is also quite influencial. I sing high and used forcetos often to reach high notes, maybe thats the reason of my increasing range of notes. Cos i am naturally a bass but i wanna sing high, i increase my range when i train in singing both classical and modern songs.

Haha, and then there is hazel, thanks to her and lester, i wanna learn dancing as well. Lester always keeps me update with the modern dance world, while sometimes hazel teaches me some classical dance terms. I wanna learn more.

Keyboards, Its thanks to people like yanghui and bernice who influenced me. And I realised that if i pursue this area, my songwriting capabilities will improve. Cos its easier on the piano to bring out the melody, cos guitar you depend on chords and vocals, so you make something within your range, but with the piano, you can go further. Look forward to more of my songs friends.

some Songs i have written so far ( there are others, but these are the better ones) In Chronological order:

- Love display
- I wanna be like Jesus
- Sacred Place
- I need you
- Life (performed by VertiCross)

By the way, my band VertiCross is striving to do something while we still can to break into the music world with our lively and optimistic J ROCK!

About the 3 bands for the worship teams? maybe i should make Norman a leader? he is better sometimes doing control himself? or not yuki and steffi seperate? then it will be something like this

team 1 - Ivan, Don, justin/brandon, bernice
team 2 - Steffi, paul, eunice, andrew
team 3 - Yuki or Norman and dunno who is going to play the other instruments...

Argh! darn it, not enough people. And so many worships sessions to oversee. I should start recruiting guitarists liao!

Argh! why am i so noob! I hate it when i cant organise things! And with the limited level of music i have, i cannot bring the ministry far! I want to bring better and greater worship for God and for the people. but why why WHY!

Then there is my studies to compete with! I lost all interests in my studies already, but i need to complete it and try my best to do well to get my rice bowl.

Lord i really wanna do well in music, for you, for myself. I realised after a while that its not about the people anymore, its me... I still dream of shredding at insane speeds, releasing harmonious and angelic melodies, with high techniques and musical values, all of this in front of the altar. God why!?

Why are there so many things that hinder my way? And on top of that, my laziness. ARgh why?

And there is the Relationship gap in my heart to contend with. Why? Then the role as a responsible christian chairman, teacher, worshiper, counsellor, son, friend... Its so tiring... I hardly can satisfy myself... I am always looking for cheap and quick thrills to satisfy my heart. And then i also meditate upon the Lord, checking with the Holy Spirit that dwells in me, to cultivate myself...

I am not satisfied with so many things in my life... I am afraid that i will return to the Lord unsatisfied... very afraid...

2007-04-09T23:06:00.000+08:00

Alright to my long lost brothers and sister, cold turkeyed peeps and far away frenz! I will try to blog as much as possible from now on. sry if i had cause any form of inconvenience by depriving you of my nonsense, i pray you gain back your sanity as soon as you read finish this entry!

~~~~~BLOG GOG OOG GO! (anyhow type)~~~~

Argh it's been a while, since when i last entered blogger.com
Actually i have been trying to blog, then always too emo then never finish any entry. darn! haha.

Hmm, i getting quite used to my busy lifestyle already, its the only time in my life where i can invest everything i can into the things i wanna do! Here's my schedule like

Monday - Keyboards at Believer Music
Tuesday - chorale (if any) or not its going to be my jamming day liao :)
Wednesday - Kairos (highly recommended)
Thurday - BS in Church
Friday - Hopefully it can be our dedicated day for worship practice :)
Saturday - Church ( YF! )
Sunday - Morning service and Starting vocals ! FUUUUU!

haha, dunno why i so happy. although i have been a bit strained by a certain sister in christ now...

Nowadays i have a tendancy to pay too much attention to girls? Maybe because i have been single for quite a while? I realized that if i just be friendly to them, i tend to think lesser about relationships and prob emo lesser. I mean singleness is a great thing, cos i will prob spend the rest of my life with the special babe that God has in plan for me. My colleague, she tends to emo at times, intro me to this song, My prayer by Devotion it kinda go like this...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Devotion - My Prayer Lyrics

In a dream I hold you close
Embracing you with my hands
You gazed at me
With eyes full of love
And made me understand
That I was meant to share with you
My heart, my mind, my soul
Then I opened my eyes
And All I see
Reality shows I'm alone
But I know someday that you'll be by my side
Cuz i know God's just waiting till the time is right

Chorus:
God, would you keep me safe from the thunderstorm
When the day is cold
When you keep me warm
When darkness falls
Will you please shine her the way
God, will you let her know
That I love her so
And there's no one there
That she's not alone
Just close her eyes
And let her know
My heart is beating with hers

So I pray until that day
When our hearts will beat as one
I will wait so patiently
For that day to come
I know someday that you'll be by my side
Cuz I know God's just waiting till the time is right

(Repeat Chorus)

Its beating with hers
My heart is beating with hers
Its beating with hers

(Repeat Chorus)

Ohhh...
Its beating with hers...

Its beating with hers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pretty meaningful stuff ya? I was quite amazed at how the lyrics really describes how i feel right now. God i pray that you keep that Girl you have for me in your loving arms and bless her in her ministry and that she loves you as much as i do!

Girls aside ( gals, dun feel sad, i love (brotherly) you all the same, deep from the heart! ), I am pretty sad yet glad that attachment is coming to a end. Kinda worried to how i am going to do my report. Pretty stressed. But thanks to God i met many fun people in there.

Mr Yio - Thanks for inviting me to your hokkien service and allowed me to indirectly take my first step to reaching to my grandmother, and for teaching me Songs from Israel Alive, and hokkien songs as well.

Mr Fred Paul - for giving me advice on how to sing, and teaching me how to be a great mechanic and about body building! you were fun and taught me pretty lots of useful and useless stuff!

mr Woon - Who patiently taught me in the first few weeks, you showed me a insight on how to play pool and dismantle machines in ingenious ways, you also allowed me to do things my ways and tolerated my dozing off when tightening and releasing bolts...

Mr wilfredo - my supervisor who always smiles and talks personally to me, I thank God for you as my instructor, and pray tat your son will grow up as funny and "diligent" in life.

Mr Wang - who thought highly of me, and although you can be a pain to talk to since you can chatter non stop, i feel like i am very close to you, must be the incident when you and wilfredo fought over me... haha. Thanks for reintroducing me to Autocad and informing me about the PS3, and letting me get back in touch with my genre of music i almost lost : J rock.

Choi Leng - although i personally felt that you tend to flirt with me alot, ( felt weird cos i hear from everyone esp. from the attachment students that you can be vicious to them) I really enjoy seeing your smile.

Mrs Lim - The lady boss who overlooks my late coming and wasting of company resources, you always check to make sure i have all my salary claimed and somehow seems to always give hints to just take overtime pay... ( AH! cannot take advantage!)

Omar - Rock on you malay man! You sold me your prized effect kit and always offered to repair my elec guitar. Thanks man. And you always somehow make all of us laugh. stay rocked out dude til you die k?

Shuu Fee - Was shocked to hear that you were younger than me by 5 months, not sure i old or you young. haha. But hey try to love your boyfriend, although you always complain how boring he is. I aint worth chasing, believe me.

Mr Ong - You can be a real pain in the @S3 at times, but you always respond to me whenever i ask questions.... forgive you for now.

Wu guo and Han wei - You china dudes always making fun of my chinese. Thanks to god that i know enough to make sure that you arent making fun of me!Thanks for lending your bikes to me whenever i need them though.

Saha - thanks for introducing me to the world of friendly cyber hacking. i never really had a hacker friend like you before, cos Don is fixing stuff, you like to break into stuff. I will try to stay in contact with you via email. Lets learn crazy stuff together man!

Sahu - you really needed the break man, dun come back to singapore til you are satisfied, working in Hi Tech can be pretty stressful. but be thankful man, not many companies would take a electrician in nowadays.

Dr Zhang - you communicated to me in chinese! i feel so proud, i thought you will never use mother tongue to communicate with anyone, since my colleague says so. haha

Ah tay - who relied heavily on me to supply him fresh mp3 all the time. I feel so used.

Shree - Man, i pray you will stop satisfying your beastly desires and try to fit into humanity, you not scared to get AIDS ar you! darn it.

Soh - Got to know you for a short while, but you were great to work with! Haha, we mechanic 3! we dismantle and assemble at the speed of light! man put on some muscles lah, how you carry a hammer like that! just joking, you got better stamina than me... darn it...

Mokash - I am pretty jealous of you, since you have a cute boy face although you are 25, and always attract my female colleague's attention. How i wish she would pay more attention to me and maybe we can work faster...

Ah hock - darn it man, you always seem to backstab anyone. maybe you got nothing better to do? Increase your portfolio and stop slacking lah.

Ahsari - Thanks for teaching me music mr elvis, and for showing me how to talk abit. Although the rest may not like you as much, i still think you are cool. Stay cool man.

Mr Lim - Mr head honcho, i pray that you will grow up and make decisions on the spot and stop making us play guessing games about what you really want. Darn it lah, act boss can be quite a stressful thing ya? but please try to communicate with the workers more, we would appreciate it.

Okok, thats like to all my colleagues except for those from SP, will dedicate for you another time.

Talking about getting back with my genre, i cant wait for school to start! I will be jamming like mad to increase the bands songlist and I WILL BE LEARNING DRIVING! FUUUU! dun waste anymore time liao Ivan! lets drive and after that convince the family to allow you to take bike license and drive a sports bike! FUUUUUU!

Quite amazed that my curriculum includes all the instruments, i playing regularly keyboards, guitar, drums, and singing. Maybe one day i can start a band called "me myself and Ivan" haha

Girls girls girls. Cant live with em and cant live without them. Sometimes i attract them and sometimes repel them. That sucks, i really would want to be friends with you. I am learning to to anyhow think of you if you wear terrible little liao. haha,although singapore is hot, its not that hot, put on something decent please, like i dun have enough probs liao, i trying to control my mind ar!

Although i am trying to curb my sexual nature in check, its terrible, i getting drawback symptoms like that... but i must persevere with the help of the Holy Spirit!

OKOK i talk alot this time, forgive, rest well and Good nIGHTo!

Ivan out!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FUUUUUU~~~~~~~~~~~~~

haha

2007-03-26T16:25:00.000+08:00

To my pearl who yearns belonging.

Adoring is she as she seeks a recognition of favor and love,
She gives a faint smile and release delight in my eyes.
Worth the strains to obtain, worth the pains to withstand,
my pearl was a treasure obtained from the deepest depths of the ocean.

Slight pink its side, a radiant white that illuminates her curves,
my pearl is indeed the perfect jewel that existed.
She cries out slowly for yearning, for my touch,
and longs to be snugged safely back in my arms.

My pearl would love my company and accept my true nature,
she would reward my devotion with devotion.
Joy in my heart that she would smile in favor of my true nature,
for i accepted hers.

This pearl had gone through a molding process of turbulent times,
everybody dies to lay a hand on it.
But it became mine by divine manner,
I protect it with the deepest of hearts.

through the hands of many others, my pearl was contaminated,
And in my hands, i devoted my time to polish her with mine.

Soon she shall be the only thing in my life,
if only she would understand the true cause that God bestows.
This pearl remains unpolished,
and has went back into her very own protective case.

She slipped away one day in my carelessness,
My priorities adjusted against her care.
But all i wanted to be,
for keeping that pearl, i am willing to prepare.

To the pearl of the deepest ocean, who's voice entrance the sailors like a siren.

2007-03-09T00:28:00.000+08:00

The Workplace, the office. What ever you call it, its still the same place. Its a breeding grounds of egos, where man stand nobly firm on their selfish notions they call principles. There is no peace, no security, no tolerance , for error or for nonsense. They mature their childish behaviors by using stronger and harsher words like " manipulating"

Your colleagues hide their true identities and abilities, in fear of being challenged to go beyond the limitations of their comfort zone. They push the blame to another to save their hides, and try their best to outshine each other. Its a urban jungle where only the fittest and wittiest survives.

Grief covers faces of those who desires a mutuality between comrades of the same cause, to earn a living to continue running their miserable lives, they see no light in the things they do. They seek contentment in sustaining a daily chore that accumulates while they decay away.

And the boss, yes your typical average , oversized and pampered, obnoxious boss. He sits in his chair, thinking of ways to expand his already overstretched business, he rule with a iron hand, his words hold life to your career. Fear creeps and scourge the area he patrols and his associates "lick his boots". This butt kissers know that they are at this man's mercy, and just continue to miserably feel his ego.

also this colleague, whom i grew fond of, made me felt like i have been cheated some way, i thought wrongly of this colleague, freshness were the conversations that occurred. cheated. humiliated. whatever you call it.

the harsh reality of the working world. Ivan welcome to the real world.

2007-02-10T11:31:00.000+08:00

"Mortified"

Chapter 4: The Other Monster

"Urgh...." The floor, spotted with his coagulated blood, thicken with oxidized decayed blood cells... The darkness of the outside corridor and my dim bedroom lights amplified the zombie's image.
Mr. Lim, with a retarded raise, looked at me, with his blood thirsty and bloodshot eyes. As his line of sight fell on me, he intensified his invasion. Cold beads of perspiration cloaked me, the adrenaline glands pumping like mad. Shit... My legs do not need repeating.
I ran out of my room, jumping over some of my dumped school books and the blood smeared brick. I dashed in an ungracely manner towards the living room, naturally began flipping the door latch open, I got to get the heck out of here. Strange, my legs were excited, i could have ran the physical education 2.4 kilometers in less than five minutes... However the rest of my body parts made me feel like a freakin' hypocrite. I was already sweating like it was raining indoors, my brain exhausted from all the mind games, the fumbling fingers not getting a grip on the door latch...
Calm down Ivan... He's not going to get you if you just CALM down and open the door! "uuuhhhh...."
I stole a glance at spot of the origin. Mr Lim lumbering towards me. His huge figure made the doorway look small, intimidating me further. Click! Finally the latch is off! farewell Mr Lim, I pray that someone puts you out of your misery soon. I flung the door wide opened, and took a step towards the gate. My eyes were still fascinated with the fact that I am looking at a real life out of the movie monster, All sympathies for the old man is lost, I only wanted to see him as an interesting threat to my survival. Farewell Mr Lim, it was nice knowing you. Peeling my eyes off him, I synchronized my feet and hands to the gate. I spin for the quick getaway, only to stop shortly. I let a small yelp escape from my mouth,
However it was not enough to dodge the arms of those determined to rip you apart... Arms so desperate for a human flesh, Karen, Mr. Lim's young grand-daughter... Karen not you too...
Her slender hands, already showing some signs of decay, groped tightly on my arm. She gripped me with unspeakable strength, I never knew she possessed such monstrous brawns; it was unexpected from the slim and beautiful lady. I stared at her beautiful face, studying what fascinated me time and time again. If I were not a Christian, I may have done something unpardonable because of her. Her long jet black hair, tempting big eyes, tight pouting lips, and her perfectly chiseled face. Her body was flawless, making her the perfect goddess of Singaporean girls.
Now here she is, Still as beautiful as ever, just that she has a chunk of lower right jaw missing.
Mr. Lim must have got to her, how could he!? such cruelty, he definitely has no taste for true beauty... and Karen definitely do not show the right tastes to satisfy her appetite.
I shook the fantastical impressions I had for her out of my head. Mr. Lim already is about 4 meters away. I began to pull my captured arm with the same intensity that Karen is gripping my arm with.
3 meters, I could see that there is some form of unforeseen cooperation here. Karen let go of me! I kicked the gate with all my weight, the impact threw Karen off guard and she fell away into a pot of my mother's favorite herbs.
I side step in quick reflex, slipping under the lard filled arms of Mr. Lim. continuing the strife to the kitchen, that’s when I saw it. The gleaming beauty, my silver lining in this storm. The sharp kitchen knife laid on the stove side table, like the sword prepared for the king. I grabbed the handle and examined the blade. Despite the kitchen darkness and my vision fueled by the moonlight... The simple kitchen knife glowed in a simple radiance. The foot long knife looked like the weapon meant to kill, not to be insulted by facing daily chopping of vegetables or mishandled by using it for other purposes. That’s right, It’s a weapon, And now its my weapon that will grant me the freedom that I so long to have...
The opponent has arrived, I never felt so ready in my life to do something as significant as this... 2 monsters standing face to face, except that there is a possibility that the other may be immortal...
Welding the blade with my stronger right arm, I thrust into the monster's chest; I could feel the edge of the tool piercing into his flesh, passing meat, bones, organs... Yet, the same expression on his face, cept' for his sudden excitement for the fact that i am extremely within his reach. With a wide swing of his arms, he complacently attempted to grab me. This only gave me the chance to dive below the dining table, and in a quick succession, appeared behind him.Then with all my might, crowding the small handle with both my hands, I plunged the knife straight through the cranium, pushing in with all my body weight. Crack! I could hear loud splintering of bones, the smashing of organic matter, I know that i have hit home.
With the same effort i pulled the bloody blade out, and it made a sick slushy sound. Astonishingly, I realised that there wasnt much blood on the blade. I kinda expected blood to be all over the place... but this may be a blessing in disguise, i am still not sure how you will turn into one of them, it could be like the movies where if your blood is expose to their's you could get infected... I am not taking that risk...
Mr Lim stayed in the position for quite a while... I got no idea what is his condition like... I pray that he is finally put out of his misery. After all this, I am not really sure what to expect, I mean i never knew that zombies possesses any form of intelligence, but if I recalled correctly, Mr Lim did throw a brick to smash my bedroom window.
Out of curiousity, i took a step and stood near his front. Cold sweat from the adreline rush rolled down my arms, suspense made me gripped the knife harder. Peering at his face, I saw that his eyes were wide open and motionless, There wasnt much life in them in the first place. yet i could tell that he was more dead than he was just now. His lips curled into a snarl, as if something bad just happened to him. I wonder what went through his head just now. Haha, Hahahahaha, hahahaha... ha...I could not help it but laugh at my little joke. "Ughh" Mr Lim suddenly lunged at me, grabbing hold both my arms at the shoulder, I was petrified and could not respond. Isnt he suppose to stay still? I was suppose to win, what is going on? I was pretty sure he was dead!
Bearing teeth that had blacken from decay, he tried to take a bite at me, Crap they really do eat human!!!!!!!! He plunged his head towards my neck's left side, subconsciously I responded by pushing at his face. The force of Mr Lim's weight and thrust threw me to the ground. Landing hard to my back, I accidentally let out a small groan of pain...with all my might, and fueled by fear, i pushed like as if I were going to die, literally. I was nearing tears, yet continue to struggle to keep his head just distant from me, and the stench of rotting flesh is beginning to make me sick. Mr Lim, energised by some unknown force, pushing with uncoordinated, yet still as mighty, forward, trying to bite anything in his way, including the hands that placed around his neck. Crap, there's still so many things i wanna do in life, I do not want it to end here... God please I know i was complacent with myself just now, I really believe that i have things ahead that i have yet to accomplish, Lord save me.....
Suddenly there was a loud crash, sounds of metal crashing into the concrete ground. Mr Lim seemed to be too engrossed with trying to feed himself to notice. Struggling, I continued to push on with equal strength, somehow i do not think i could hold on forever... Then i heard it, a second one. Karen! she must have managed to push down the gates! that means no one is ever safe even in their house, who on earth can push down a door gate!? Yet Mr Lim still has not noticed his grand daughter, she stood upright next to him, as if she were here to greet him... This is bad, I got my hand full with one guy and she wants to join the party... This is getting from bad to worse...

End of Chapter 4

2007-02-02T22:44:00.000+08:00

"Mortified"

Chapter 3: The encounter Part 1

Bloody Hell! What the heck was that?
THUD! I could make vague judgments of the silhouette outside my opaque bedroom window. THUD! A sickening sound of something soft, squishy yet hard at the same time. THUD! Whatever it was its continuing its regime of tapping my window, i could sense its desires of intrusion. I leapt to my feet. I am starting to get numb from all this...
The sickening attacks on my window intensified. Bang! Bang! Bang! I fell , plying myself to the wall... my feet seems to have lost control. Cold perspiration rolled down my forehead. Then I heard it...
The groan of a zombie, there's no doubt about it. Its amazing how accurate all those movies are, the groans really do sound alike. The discovery however was not at all motivating...
I knelt and started to pray... ' Dear God, I really believe in you, whatever is your will, let it be done, but please help me , and all those whom i love to survive...' CRASH!!!
I opened my eyes, in front of me was fragments of acrylic form of glass, and specks of blood. My ears caught clear sounds this time. I reluctantly looked at the window. Zombie! In fact its my neighbor! Uncle Lim, Crap, they managed to get him? We stay on the fourteen story for crying out loud! Shit, poor uncle Lim.
But poor me, Here am I going to face the grim reaper himself. He managed to push his arm through the small whole he made on the window. He does not seem to mind the sharp edges of the whole slicing through his arm as he struggle to reach me, but in vain. My window is barricaded with a weak aluminum frame.
Poor me... And i have yet to tell my mum how much i really care for her... she might think i have turned into a juvenile deliquint since i do not talk much... Mum... I hope you are alright....
Standing in front of the struggling monster, i began to study it. His face were not decaying, but his skin color had turned to a dull grey, kinda like the color when you leave meat out in the air too long... his eyes however, were of extreme bloodshot. he do not seem to have abilities to move its mouth, or blink, however, i could tell its still breathing. Everytime it groaned, i could smell a slight putrid stench, like rotting flesh. Mr Lim, when i KNEW him, was rather frail for his size, for he is big, with a bulging stomach to match his pudgy arms. The Mr Lim i see now is nothing of his former self.
Suddenly he pulled his arm back out. I could tell from his groans that he is getting frustrated. For what? Do zombies really eat humans? Suddenly he began to drift away. I heaved a sigh of relief. I started to fall to the ground to rest from the intense encounter. Is it over for now?
CRASH!!!!!!!!! My eyes were wide open in wonder. A red brick flew past my face, just missing it by a few centimeters.As the destroyed window frame and fragments of my window seem to fall in slow motion, revealing Mr Lim, slumping forward from the throw, I picked myself up and ran to the living room. SHIT!!!!!! What on earth am I going to do now!? Stay at home, you will be most safe, YA RIGHT! thank you news casters. you just made my day worse.

2007-02-01T22:54:00.000+08:00

Alrighto, I finally got some life back... must be becos i see no hope liao in some of the things i do. Bwa hahaha... Ok, I am thrilled to know i already have ONE fan for "Mortified". I wonder how well my story can proceed. Lets go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

"Mortified"

Chapter 2: Reality Check

My spine shook, the grievous face of decay lay flat on the screen. A face of A middle aged lady, I could tell that she was beautiful once, not anymore. It has to be a sick joke, or a movie. I cannot take this anymore, how bad can this day be?
"...Scene in which you see, the dead are walking again...", The background shows a mass of people, walking in a sloppy manner, in the bright street lights of Woodlands Area, people screaming, there's total chaos. " The Police are trying what they can to stop them" The scene looks like its taken from a helicopter, the reporters must be wimping out too. Funny, This scene is so satirical, in all stories, the police never win...
I dashed to the door, bolted it and made sure every window was shut, I do not want a single one of them to notice my presence. The poor kid, I can only pray that it really was just a bad joke, that did not went wrong...
I blacked the house out, and shifted the tv to a more secluded part of the living room. There i continue to watch, out of fear, and out of panic.
"... to stay in your home, all citizens who are watching this program, are to remain calm and to stay in your home. Lock all doors and wait for the police presence..." Stay calm? How to stay Calm? This is a nightmare, Got to be a dream...
I firmly pressed the power button. A Queer sound of the screen fading out , made me realise that there was another distinct ringing... My Handphone!
" Ivan! you ok? Thank God! Where are you now?" "Teng Yao! Teng Yao right? I am at home! I cant believe this is happening man, whats going on" I could feel my hands trembling, yet my heart beat calmly after hearing a familiar voice.
" I also don't know what is going on lah, My area quite badly affected, got many zombies near the east coast area... I thought this would be cool... I guess those games really are just games..." "I know man, don't chicken out, you should be safe. You stay in a terrace home, you better go make sure all those doors and windows are shut tight." "Kay, you wait ar..." A heavy tone of a gently dropped phone vibrated through the earpiece. teng yao's house is pretty big, he better make sure he lock down the entire house...
Hmmm, a minute passed, still no reply. This is rather annoying, In this kind of situation, you would be dashing around like a fool.
Ring Ring!!!
What the... my handphone rang, someone is calling through the second line. What! Its Teng Yao!
"Ivan! Shit! Shit! They got through the back door! Shit! ( I could hear him choke at his breath, fear dominated his voice) They got my Dad and silvia, Shit! Ivan, cant really talk to you now... If we ever do meet again, shit what am i saying, FREAK! ugh, whatever it is, God bless you, pray for me, i will be heading for the marine parade neighborhood police post!"
Silence, a awkward silence. the ground showed droplets of moist, I did not realize the tears flowing. This has got to be a nightmare. This cant be real. This cant be happening. What the hell is going on!?
I knelt, and begin to crumble myself into a tight ball. I could feel the pain of my clenched fist, and the uneasiness building up in the stomach. All this is happening too fast, Everything seemed fine just ten minutes ago, And now my whole world seemed to turn upside down.
'Get a grip idiot! Why do you always crumble in difficult situations!?' I remembered a time, probably two years ago, I was still in secondary school. I was not the brightest of the lot, could tell by my class, it seemed we were all on par. No one could get along, and cliques were blood brotherhoods. There were at least three dominant cliques in the class, one could see a Bermuda triangle in the class...
Everyone would mind their own business, even the teachers could not care less about whether we graduate or not. Although we were a Express stream class, we were seen as the black sheep of the school...
Then there was this day, Lionel, tall but of mediocre built, began flicking bottle caps around in class after a bell rang. it was pretty normal, i wasnt bothered, i continued to talk to my close pal, mervin. while engrossed talking about the latest console game, a stray bottle cap flew between us, knocking the window pane with a loud noise. We naturally replied with annoyed faces, And continued talking. Then another one came. Now that pissed me off, i began to shift my chair, but halted sharp before i could get up. What was i thinking, Thats lionel, I dont have the guts to talk to him. I began to calm down and face mervin again, however, as soon as i turned my head, i could feel the impact of a tiny round shape item at the back of my head.
That was it... I could not stand it anymore... I really want to just beat the idiot up. My eyes was red in anger, I could have killed someone without conscience. But i could not... I am just too afraid. I looked at mervin. He was already standing up.
" Oi! Asshole, you wanna pick on my brother here? Pick on someone else lah! Like your size!" Lionel's face twisted with rage. He came charging, flinging aside the table that stood between mervin and him. The flying table crashed into the teachers table, simultaneous with the powerful shove i felt by my side. I fell to my right, my arm cushioning my fall. Lionel grabbed Mervin by the collar, " So now you think you are my size? Punk! You are nowhere near me!" He pounded mervin's face mercilessly, the class stood in shock... no one could respond. I cant blame them. It was a Bloody sight... then mervin looked over at my side... "Ivan... Help me..."
I would never forget how i ran away in fear that day. I was gutless... Mervin was hospitalised, and had a some damage in some area of the brain. Now he would have sudden spasm attacks, and he cant talk properly... He got transfered to a special school. As for Lionel, he got expelled... From that day on until we graduated, noone seriously confided in me. I was an outcast.
The tears flowed a agony, I curled myself up and lay on the floor. I suddenly lost all motivation to move.I would just lay here till help arrived...
Suddenly, A loud thud banged against my bedroom window.

End of chapter 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Woah, ok this time the story a little draggy , 2 chapters and its based on just fifteen minutes of activity. interesting... now i am pretty satisfied once again. Alright till next time. Night!

2007-01-31T12:17:00.000+08:00

hi guys, you are now victims if my new hobby... writing. I just thought of writing a paragraph from my 'imaginary' books, on random topics. Last night i could not sleep well, i was on the sofa, suppose to be watching news... dozed off around 1am... left the tv on though... i woke around 4am the tv still blasting away, so i flipped back to channel 8, cos my grandma only watches that channel, and only know how to press the power button '-_- and caught the last few minutes of a chinese zombie movie. pretty bad make up but still satisfying for this zombie movie fan.

"Mortified"

Chapter 1: Beginning.

Eerie, I could not grasp the situation.A late night and a empty corridor, that stretches end to end like a elastic band that is ready to snap anytime. The phobia lubricates the gears that drives my adrenaline glands. I took steps, some big one then even bigger ones. Soon i was at a jogging pace, trying not to look at the end, i focused on the etches of the gravel beneath my feet.
Sadly I have this phobia, one that i cannot look at extremely far objects, like long straight roads, train tracks, places that i know i must travel. the thought of the item so far away from me grips me at the throat, strangling me.
Not to mention, with the current crisis that the country is facing. Can you imagine? 5 people, all of different races, different backgrounds, went missing last night? This is Singapore, for crying out loud, shouldn't it be the safest place on earth? It had been the talk of the class the whole day, the campus seems alive with weird rumors of some biological breakthrough that Singapore had accomplish, and the missing cases...
Today the streets seems interestingly quiet. How i wish they were this quiet all the time, i can not stand noise. But why could this be? Could there be a interesting TV show that is going on that i know not of? Or could there be a parade? In this part of Jurong, There are hardly anything going on. Even the army seems to have ceased their activities in the small forest behind. weird.
The void deck, finally some signs of life, some malay kids kicking a small rubber ball around. My spirit heightened a bit as i approached the lift.
reached my floor, i looked down at my feet again. Why does my mom have to buy a unit at the end of the corridor? but this is familiar grounds. i walked in slightly stronger manner.
Suddenly i heard a scream, a small kids one coming from downstairs. A scream that pierced the night. I jumped a bit, and attempt to see whats going downstairs. bad view. A tree stood between the fourteen story corridor and the ground floor. but whatever it was, it had stopped. I prayed that it was just a nasty scare that friends like to give you some time. Assured, i pushed the key and opened the door.
"Mom? I'm home!". No response. Oh well, its not like i expect something. She could be out doing overtime again. i callously flipped the lights on, and sauntered to my room. The small boy or girl, cant tell, scream rang through my head. it gives me the creeps, wonder how he could be now, the scream that bad could mean that the boy is going to suffer some trauma for a while. Poor guy...
I walked to the kitchen to fetch a drink. Winter Melon, one of the remaining two small cartons. another sight that creep me out, from my kitchen window, i could see that the whole neighborhood, which was like two to three blocks, not a single light turned on! A blackout? that spanned all the blocks except mine? I went closer to see the void deck, weird... the lights are on. i could even see a person staggering by.
I need to call my mom to check how is she. I just got this bad feeling that i should be calling her now. I reached into my pocket to retrieve my handphone, drats, the batteries died on me the whole day, how could i forgotten? I brisked to the bedroom and plucked the charger in. As soon as the power turned on, the phone rang.
two calls one from my classmate Justin, and one from my mum. Argh, whats this? I hardly talk to anyone, and this is the first time i am feeling this. I switched the call to my mums. Fuzz thats all i hear, a lot of interference. I could only make out some sounds that sounds like my mum's. "Hello, Mum I cant hear you, too much interference! Call me again somewhere else k!" Its pretty normal to me, Every time she calls me from the office, thats all i hear. I dialed justin's name into the directory and pressed the call button. No network. What the heck. Thats new. I took up the house phone. ah, the clear tone. I dialed his number, only to be returned with the busy message. Thats it, I have enough of the suspense. I jumped onto the sofa and turned on the tv. As soon as the tv turned on, I jumped in shock.

end of chapter 1.

Bwa haha. thats pretty satisfying. I wanna see how would the story turn out in the end. So stay tune to find out more in "Mortified".

Ivan out.

2007-01-30T18:30:00.000+08:00

Hey guys, welcome back, thanks fer reading this, if there is anyone reading this. haha...

hey let me ask you one question, do you feel just... weird? I dunno about you, but nowadays, i feel like i have doing things, going about with life, just doing enough to get by... feeling tired, feeling tired of society, do you ever feel... alone? I just cant figure it out, do you ever feel like you just want to talk to somebody, you know, pour out your sorrows and such, but when the time comes? you just dun feel like? Do you know how a puppet feels like? sometimes i feel manipulated, by many things... I dunno... what do you think?

Maybe i have not talked to anyone recently. exams, then attachment, just thinking of it makes me feel tired... worship. its like a drug to me, i need it. Its one of the only form of my expressions to God. its might be the only one. Redundant, meaningless. depressing yes i know, just cant help it. I feel like a cloth, over wringed , so tightly hardly any substance left to sustain.

Bumming, thats what i feel like now. God, Is there no one else, that i may feast my ears upon, to seek inspiration to visit you? I hardly have no reason... except to say grace sometimes... i have outcasted myself from my classmates and the campus crusades... i just dun really wanna hang out with them... no reason too... i somehow dun connect... hard to be a nice guy ya know... constantly wearing a mask... smiling away goofily so you wont ruin another person's day...

Church, thats where i feel compelled to go, yet hope to meet God, to experience him again.... Where has my optimism gone to? here lies a rag doll, decomposing with the remote control... I just had 2 packets of instant noodles. I cant remember when was the last time i deliberately had to cook that waxed long wheat to feed myself. I cant remember when was the last situp i did.

Feel like writing a story... A story where we can all relate to the protaganist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Its another day, that same old day, where you head about you daily chore, up about making ends needs. You look up to the sky , and daze at how the invisible forces tug those cotton candies go. sun's setting, the skies dim in a mushy purple backdrop, ideal for a date.
However here am I, flipping through a thick book worthy to be a chopping board. scouring through remnents of what seems to be endless thick pages, where information, Overflows.
As the more oustanding clouds disappear from sight, A quick reminisce of folly rubs salt in my battered wounds. Tsk, Looks like i have to face the demons with my pen again. One question,already my biological attention span gave the halfway mark. Lack of discipline drives the sluggish brain.
The classical guitar glistens with mischief in the corner, with a sigh, I dump my papers and proceeded towards the instrument. Should i play for ten minutes or so? If so what songs shall i play? Routine check tuning and simple plucks to warm up.
What seems like only a songs, stole 20 minutes away. Drats. There goes another chance to use time wisely...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

right... gotta go back to reality now. talk to you guys soon.

2007-01-23T01:22:00.000+08:00

dated 15/1/07

Search
-----------------

You have left a empty void
curved a unsatisfiable desire
I yearn for the slightest of your touch
dreaming of experiencing unexpected meetings

false hopes of fate leaves me despair
naive imagination inflates the emptiness of space
my search for the unseen glory
leaves contempt and misery of foolish pleasures

thickens fogs that clogs reality
i "virtually" observed myself at the cornerstone
silent eclipses haunts in flashes
for time is often stolen from thine grip

Rebuking all logical hypothesis of this dimension
stubbornness drives a deluded frantic find
if doubt were man's greatest misery
it shall be the thorn that motivates me

Empower my feet and eyes, O' Lord
just for another day of normalities
for what can be a step towards you
could pervade my desires to meet you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chameleon

dated 16/1/07

Turbulent surfaces instincts beneath
surges true nature forth
a time of change, metamorphosis has come
I am the Chameleon

constant anticipated switch flicks
haste to neurological responses
thy cranium matter breaming within
I am the Chameleon

the Lord blesses a mind of illogical possibilities
of Bombast, Spontaneous reactions to situations
which adds to the value of the very life i live
I am the Chameleon

To the Lord of creativity, I worship thee
for thine inspirations could only descend from above
Glorify thy name, O nameless one
Flood again the earth with your Splendor

See how the wind blow and trees sway
See how you give life as we decay
Oh Great one, our knees are bended for you
It is thy honor to be able to serve you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dated 17/1/07

Once again the flesh starves for a compassionate touch of love
Is it something so sacred? That one have to sell more than what is worth?
If there shall be the consequence,
I will Gladly forfeit
Alas' the great fortunes of soloman
cannot compare to the price that love quotes
For love has no price, Its free for all.
Yet its priceless, ironically...
The longing for joined hands, clasped tightly, with the opposite
forces is consuming me
If only I can focus away my pains, my frustrations.
All other bodily pleasures still cannot piece the gap that pulls my heart together
I do not deny.
On every girl have my eyes laid upon
every feminine eyes whose glance i steal
incubates a perverse sense of hope,
that the Mighty Lord will bestow to me the one
The one who i hope to defy the laws of maths
where a feeling of understanding in logic is ubsurd
to whom my heart will be free and unaccounted for.
This yearning has sapped strength, time, female friends,
my grades, family, financially, and ways that i never foresee would affect
I quietly and in solitude, suffer

( Written slightly later )

The emptiness, the void, whatever name you give it.
Where has the happiness that once filled this hardened heart,
Left? Gone?
I sit in tight debate, my emotions takes over,
in control, lost all motivation for anything else.
Instinct says i have companionship, I really beg to defer.
the notes , sprawled messily on the desk, staying stagnant of
ink scratches that i remember no more,
My will to complete my diploma depleted.
My wants override, and writing is the only thing that calms me,
Is it the lack of society? a listening ear, probably...
But Should I all these words to be seen?
Seems like the tradings of sympathy should anyone respond.
Strange this emptiness. Could it be physical?
The neurons react inversely. This emptiness...
Its so familiar.
Could it be another burnt out?
AGAIN!?
And here I thought i am enjoying the ministry in which I
passionately feed my strength, blood and time in.
Could it be that my relationship with God is not right?
Suddenly, I've felt my heart beating, a more familiar, homely beat.
Its the rhythm of the Lord's calling.
"Come, all who are weary, and I shall give you rest."
thank you Jesus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Ivan out.

2007-01-16T23:25:00.000+08:00

Well hello there... yeah you, ar you, sitting on your chair watching the screen. Scratching dunno where, listening to your favourite tunes on itunes... Yup, come closer to the screen, and watch as i bring you to a whole new dimension.

You are in a room, its squarish in nature, with walls thats bright white, and luminous from the flow of light from the round, turqoise ceiling lamp. On one wall you see a huge leaning mattress, don with a simple garment of checkered blue and spotted white. Then there are the over-sized cabinets, whom contents are shared within the inhabitants of the premise. followed are 2 humble, simply joined wooden shelves, which frailty is evident at the slightest force applied to it. On it holds many many words, that can cause insanity if dealt with immediately. Finally there is the table, black and comparatively small, in reference to other objects described before. yet it carries the burden in which holds the box that allow this blog to be written.

Got it yet? ITS my Room!

~~~~~~~~~Blogogogogo!~~~~~~~~~~~

Alright alright, i am being crappy again. but hey? you did read it all (i hope). Let the mysterious gift bring you some of the crappiest moments of the rare christian ivan's life.

Exams...

Right its the time of the year again. I am having withdrawal symptoms after having a great holiday. I have a great un changeable urge to, NOt Study. right, its the pressure, too much makes me worry and i just dun wanna study. You got that right. Whats the chairman of youth, and worship coordinator, a respectable and charming guy like him slacking away? Yup, he is going to deny all threats, or encouragement. he is going to...

ooops ok, times up. wanted to keep you guys in the pessimistic mood for fun! Just messing around. You ar, i told you i really cannot write a long entry right? I will once i have time k?

Bwahahahaha

I.V.A.N
.O.U.T.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2007-01-14T00:39:00.000+08:00

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

once again welcome back to another episode in the rare Christian ivan's life! today he was requested by someone to blog about his past relationships... hmmm i hope this person can be satisfied...

~~~~~~~~BLOG GO GO GO~~~~~~~~~

Wont be talking about all the relationships i had been through... ( I only had 3 serious relationships so far... I am NOt a playboy K! ) ( at least not yet... haha just joking). and just highlight some of the funny events that happened in one of them.

I will not mention names here, so pls if you know pls keep it to yourself and if you wanna know, sry cant tell. ok!? lets go!

I remember during the day XX of Month XX of year XXXX, i was at my uncle's place. She was there and i guess i was interested in her. It was my first major crushes... ( actually... i get infatuated rather easy )and i wanted to do something to catch her attention. I went to the Super Soaker. Those big ones, yeah the BIG ONES! BWA HA. filled it with soap, shampoo and every foam producing agent and mixed water. Then i chose my victim, my young cousin Lester and blasted him all over the house. haha. i can still remember that day clearly... my hands itching for a SUPER SOAKER NOW...

Then theres that night... i was in bed... smsing her. thats how we got together, through sms.... the irony is that we broke up through sms as well.... oh well. :)

Ivan out
~~~~~~~~SINGING OUTOTOTOTOTOTOTOTTO~~~~~~~~~~~

2007-01-11T13:09:00.000+08:00

My friends, i was struck by an article , talking about "the worship wars". I have think i have found the answer to having a contemporary worship and yet keep our cherished lithurgy! I am so excited.

I am too excited that i just had to post this entry. I know, I know, its just that i got the sudden passion, enthusiasm cos of the dramatic change in the YF worship leading and that i am the new worship coordinator. But i firmly believe that God desires a dynamic and passionate Youth Ministry.

I aim for a Bigger congregation, a pure Lutheran Youth, where we can be proudly call ourselves lutheran, and learn the doctrines led by luteran ministers. I also aim for a hyped and dynamic youth worship team, where we can play and lead all styles of worship, both contemporary and conservative.

In my ideal worship team, there shall be no prima donnas, no stars. Everyone is seen equal. And everyone is equivilently accountable to each other and the success of the worship.

Indeed True worship is walking right daily with the Lord. Thats why i will require a team thats walking right with the Lord. Or a team that desires to walk with the Lord. Then can we assure that God will bless the ministry.

Please do not misunderstand if i ask you to wait until the next intake. I have a huge weakness and that is i fear opposition. I hate to say No to anyone. I foolishly took in a huge number of musicians, ranging from experienced to completely new.

I will look through the worship team structure again. I am currently working on a handbook that the youth worship leaders can use in time to come. I know i have no training what so ever, but i have one thing that i feel many people lack, and thats passion.

I know , you guys dun wanna read this, i found my blog a great way to remind myself of the things i need to do. I encourage all to blog, not because you want others to read but that when you read back all your past entries, you can see how much you have progress or decline in your life. You will be amazed how much you went through.

I really fear one thing now... I have no more desire to continue the studies that i am in... I really cant take studying mathematical formulaes day and night, calculating everything... I have this sudden urge to quit school and join a seminary and take up full time ministry...

But believe me, thats what i truely want to do now... But i know its illogical. But then again, Faith always contradict logic... But then again, i dun wanna be a stumbling block to my family and even you Yfers. I shall try my best to struggle within my remaining Poly year to complete my diploma and get out of here.

I will then plan to pursue my studies in a language. I should have went to JC, and take up arts... thats still my passion. Something that i inherited from my mum, a burning desire for understanding.

But i guess i will try to take up a part time degree in a arts course... i know , i know... some of you will say no future... to me if i can get 2-3k a month, i am rather happy liao. and i see that any job that you excel in you should get around that amount... Ar, again you ask. In singapore, job security is severly hap- hazard, its alternating all the time. So i suppose that i fall back on someone again. I have to live by Faith.

I fear my family objections, but the gospel writes that unless we hate our family, we cannot follow him. Its not that i hate my family, i love them alot, esp my cousins, and esp. my Mum. but if they are going to obstruct me from following my desires to serve the Living Lord, i guess i have no choice but to leave them.

They hate me, i dunno. My future is uncertain. But i walk in blind faith, I believe solely that my life is meant for something greater, a greater reason to leave than to excel in life, more than a reason to have a loving and prosperous family, and its to serve God. I believe that i have one father, and thats God. I never had a father my whole life, i never saw him once in my life. To me my physical father is long dead. But then there's God. To me this invisible Father who lives in everything and through the words of a book, the bible, is the only respectable person.

I will follow him til the end.

Argh okok, i know my entry today a little dramatic. I just putting down my thoughts only, pls dun get so emotional when you read this entry.

~~~~signing out~~~~~~~~~

2007-01-08T21:49:00.000+08:00

Ok... seems like my die hard fans are dying hard that i blog ASAP. How can i disappoint you lovely readers? (cough... swallow puke)

~~~~~~~WAHHAHA BLOGOGOGOGO!!!~~~~~~~~~~

Alright, seems that you may want to know wats going on? Why is this Ivan so different now? Why suddenly he attract so much attention? K.P.O news gets the latest.

(long queue to somewhere)
Reporter: Excuse me, what are you queueing for?
Girl: Dun you know, its the great know him festival, and we are here to know Ivan, the latest craze in town... and he is trying to break world record for shaking the most number of hands!
Reporter: Hmmmm, ok wats so great about him? Wat makes him so special? Wat about him that makes him so unique that everyone here is dying to meet him? WHY I ASK YOU WHY!!!!!!!!!
Girl: hmmm, i dunno... i think its because its just him?

K.P.O. news bringing you the latest news, after the commercials, The rat who sang like Frank Sinatra....

Hmmm, ok not trying to be ego, just thought it might be a little juicy for you. Who doesn't like juicy news? hahaha

School started today, I know i know, I made everyone think that school is not that bad, but its really not that bad, I mean, you get to meet your classmates again. and thats all. does not mean you will enjoy their company or anything.

Suddenly i am a outcast in the group... I just dunno wat to say when i was with them for lunch. I just read my mum's christmas present for me, pocket music theory, while they were talking. Maybe because i was not interested in making unwholesome conversation?

Wow, YF... I mean Wow. God is so good. How great is our God. Give thanks! I was going through my past posts and saw how much of my desires of being a worship leader being in progress. Wow. Haha if i really keep this up, i should be playing for hillsongs or City Harvest Church in no time! wahahaha. Passion overwhelming.

It seems that my reader base is expanding. I mean, i dun want a international fan base, just you trusted brothers and sisters in christ can liao. Thanks for reading this blog, its encouraging for me.

I am currently studying Hillsongs songs and some basic music theory, to improve YF's worship. As worship coordinator i hope to bring the best of worship to God and to the congregation. I strongly believe in effective worship. Yes i know, now its just loud music, but give me just one month. I will finalise the worship structure, something i know the church will use for a very long time.

I enjoy the fact that i am pioneering something that the youth can benefit from. I believe strongly that the lutheran doctrines, contemporary praise and our church lithurgy can ensure a satisfying worship and strong input of God's word.

So ya, Musicians please give your best. I plan to develope this area first then try to improve other aspects. Its time for the church to move on, break through the stigma of remaining in conservative mindset. We all fear change. No doubt that i have struggles bringing new ideas to the leaders but pastor and auntie seok hoon is giving me support.

Ole' team Alpha and team Omega. God is faithful , to his word. Indeed when we prayed for musicians, he provided. I prayed to take on this ministry, partly out of passion, partly because i believe the youths deserve the best. And i know that this passion is seriously contagious. Argh, i am getting excited again...

Many rising musicians in the youth, i think God is really supporting my prayers? Maybe its really his will that i go full time, to be a worship coordinator for church? And nowadays, many pple dun think badly of my decisions... God are you really calling me for full time?

And now i have a good problem. I have too many musicians. And too little opportunity for them to serve. meaning they will only serve like at most once a month, or maybe once every 2 months. but i see in every musicians eyes, a burning desire to play. Thanks be to God for starting a fire that I know i cannot tame. It shows his magnificance and Glory.

I will be going through the musicians again, hopefully to work out a plan that is not too hard to follow, and yet can solve the current situation.

OKOK. haha, going to get late for school ... i gotta leave now.

~~~~~~~~Signing OUTOTOTOTOTOTO!!!!!!!~~~~~~

oh yeah

FUUUUUUUUUUU~~~~~~~~

Ivan out!~~~

2006-12-07T00:54:00.000+08:00

right guys, thought of blogging a little so that i can sleep better tonight... know you guys miss me, yeah. no fret. I try not to break your hearts again. (just made another empty promise... man)

~~~~~~BLogGo Time.e.e~~~~~

Right, currently been making the church like mi 2nd home like that, everyday got stuff, practicing both worship and dance. YEAH YOU GOT THAT RIGHT! I'm dancin man, Oh! Jiggin with the dancing king, uh, feel that beat, oooh yeah, feelin... nvm...

Want to see that Hazel succeed in this, partly cos this is the first time i see her put in much effort, and i am kinda hooked to feelin those beats. Eh, no prob, I still jam, if i have the time, I even in the midst of recording our first single " Life" A undercover christian song. It will talk on basic emotions about how christians feel and the last verse is based on the book of revelations. Cool eh.

I feel so encouraged to see so many people involved in this camp. The Lord truely provides, i have been astounded time after time again at his providence. Hallelujah man, The big G up there rocks! I love you!

Its so easy to get burnt out in these period, but somehow, when i just divert all my energy to this, its seems enjoyable. I really see full time ministry as fulfilling as can be. I wanna lead dynamic youths to serve the living God. Amen, lets go forth to serve man. Radical.

I made a mistake recently, i organised a event, last minute, asking the youths to attend service on another day instead. I heard that pastor agreed, so happened the day of confirmation, i went to church. Had a hour talk with pastor. Its seemed that he was ok with it, telling me that its some of the congregation's wrong concept of worship, for worship is not confined within sundays only, but everyday... Then later, Jasper, who just returned from vacation, called to ask me what am i doing...
Then just to please him, and parents who may object i allow the youths to lose sometime.

Then today, jasper told me this, that pastor strongly disagree with my decisions, and was against me. That what we were doing was wrong example to display and stuff like that... i asked when he knew this, said that his dad had a lunch with him TODAY. I talked to him like 2 days ago liao... wah, somehow i feel backstabbed, by the pastor this time.

But nevermind, i take the blame if i have to, be the scapegoat this time. I want the YF to bond, to foster a relationship never done before, and i see the chance this christmas. with the stronger influence youths slowly disappearing, the less vocal have a chance to speak, and can see the energy and willingness flowing out from there.

I am very touched by some of the following youths.
- Eunice: put in efforts and does things without complaining
- Christopher: initiative and creative
- Hazel: energy and dance
- Sino and Matthew: Highly reliable, although sino always busy...
- Don: Sensetive and supportive. He truely can connect and go deep within a person.
- Yuki: availability and willingness, although he behaves like a kid at times
- gordon, shawn and jimmy: enthusiasm and willingness to learn
- auntie seok hoon: for bearing my presense everyday and investing so much energy into the youth
- christine: Her high focus and foresight into group activity and spiritual walk, wish i can invest as much time as her though. she made me open my bible again, just read 5 bible books in a week, and still reading.
- many more

I really think the youths can start a revolution, a breakthrough of strongholds. One day the church must acknowledge us as a independent ministry, not a training ground for future church leaders only. Whats the point if you keep losing your members.

Guys who are reading the blog. Pray for the youths that we will have a breakthrough in our walk to make YF a happening place.

Amen, may the Lord bless you and keep you in his grace

~~~~~~~~Signing out~~~~~~~~~~~

2006-11-19T01:19:00.000+08:00

Hi welcome back, its been quite a while and i am suppose to be slping now, but had such a great day today, so i thought better write down ( or type down ) today's experience while its still fresh ( from the oven ).

~~~~~BLOG time, LETS guuuuuuuoooooooooo!~~

Alright, todays' Melvin's Birthday, have not seen for about more than 3-5 years? Dunno, btw she's the son of my Aunt Avon's Co-partner's Director's Wife (who is a close friend of my aunt). He's 20 today, gonna talk a little about him today.

He's slow. He's in a private Secondary School, and still cannot pass his N levels. He dances para para, and plays many computer games. He is ultra delayed response and blur. But one thing. He's nice. And he has many friends. ( and he is loaded )

Went there, a straight away while munching away on food for guest ( Calamari, satay, otah, chicken wing, fries, siew mai, aunt jenny's fried beehoon (melvin's mum) and many packet drinks.) made aquaintence with a local ( although we highly doubt ) (we as in Kellie, Lester and Me), whose name is Gamini. He seriously looks like he came ( air-flown ) from India. but, anyway. He's 24 and just graduated from ITE, now looking for a job.

Saw some of his friends and seriously have no idea where most of them came from or how they are related to Melvin. A guy from St Patricks, former squash C division player (when i was still captain) seems to really care for him? Lester and I were chatting away at the front porch of the Semi-Bungalow, when he suddenly came in from the front gate, telling us about he defending Melvin from a local gang named, "Chaos". Lester and my response were like "Ookay..."

Played alot with the gigantic Carps, each weighing around 6-10 kg, in this 2m deep and 2x1m wide pond that Melvin's father built at the side of the house. They suck! literally as in vacuum power level sucking! they suck so hard that when i placed my hand about 10 cm away, they can suck my hands to their lips. Ticklish but funny, I played with the carps and the mealworms that they were suppose to eat.

Here's a video of me feeding the fishes... can be quite a hand therapy!

And here's a vid of uncle alans redtail catfish! MEOW!

They stay in a big and luxurious home (semi-b). Its worth about 1.5m and furnished for a king. the facade is decorated with nature, vines, and many sitting bars and park benches. the porch and the carpark has a swing and some natured themed benches. Each family member has their own room (about 6, including maid) in a 8 room house. Each of the bedroom is like a house of its own, each with the owner's personality and preference of furnishing in mind.

Really living like kings... and the friends he has, starts to worry cos some of them sincere and some, not sure there for the money? anyway, benefit of the doubt lah.

There was this girl there, Janice. pretty looking and the most outstanding of all the girls there (the other would be Kellie, cos she going clubbing later...). Leon, my youngest cousin, showed off to them that i dare to touch the fishes... I was happily going to munch on a oreo bar when he draggged me back to the pond to make me put my finger into the water to let the fish suck on it. Then had a very little conversation with her, then she asked me to join her to play the Xbox in Melvins private gaming room, before i could respond, she said "you dun look like you were interested, bye (runs off)" haha, what a weird experience. Maybe i too old for young energetic girls?

But quite weird, dun tell me i look boring or not interested in anything? argh does not matter but its bugging me...

then there was the dance "competition" it started when lester was doing a dance routine at the request of aunty Avon for aunty Jenny to see, then it was a mass cha cha session in which i partnered my aunt ( i think i just finished a Tiger ), then it was the showdown of the PARA PARA competitors!

First up we have Melvin, with the song, eurobeat, dance moves are the original para para moves.

Next up is Gamini, same song, i think, free style?

2006-11-12T22:22:00.000+08:00

Hey welcome back. Again i was faced with another day of agonising glory watching my week go by without studying... SHOCK! what the... wat have i been doing the past week? Its E learning week and the most slack one ever come across and i still can never do my work.. I am hopeless i tell you, hopeless.... oh well. Might as well type the best entry with watever days i have left...

~~~~~~~~BLOG GOGOGOGOGOGO!~~~~~~~~~~~

Alright!, its been a while, since you last saw me... not really ? 2 hours may be eternity you know. Just had a great time jamming with my cousins just now. I mean, my ultimate agenda is just to learn more songs, so i really treid my best ya?

The First song, Here without you, I really wanted to play the song much, but always playing my own interpretation of the song, which is because i never really listened to the song, pity. But it took me ten minutes practice with the tabs and here's the outcome. ENJOY!

btw, my cousin Lester, man he's taller than me now, joker as he is, he's a real cool dancer. i will try and upload his school's vid next time. He can be quitee fluid.

Alright next song that they forced me to play ( which i took the burden gladly ) was Iris, now you may be quite familiar with the Goo Goo doll's version. Kellie chanced upon the Avril Lavigne's rendition but played with the goo goo dolls themselves, now here is Kellie and Ivan (simple strumming) 's version of the song!

Alright. so there you have it. The teos jamming like the neighbours never complained before. Aight, I have decided to do basic engineering in the future, get a day job then excel for stardom. When i reach 30, i think i will do that "Sacred music" and "Divinity" studies in a Bible college.

By then i can afford that fountain i really want to put in the church, and make the Youth Ministry a independent and blooming ministry. so I have 10 years to make it big somehow. no worries. Apparently, I should reach paul gilbert's guitar level in one years time with the effort i need to put in ( way much more than i am doing now )

Anyway, Justin says i cant sing, haha, who am i lying to i guess. I never was proud of my singing skills, my vocals were never good. I think my head kept swelling in the youth ministry when people kept telling me that i sounded nice, good singing, watever... haha... then i was demoralised. my morale for many things shattered. so exaggerated i guess. but guess what. Its my new motivation. after my 2 days phobia of attempting to squeek a note, i know i need vocal training. next year after my ITP , by then i pray i already have my next chairman for YF, I will join choir and find a vocal trainer.

Mean while I plan to start piano in dec/jan. then i can play some organ for VertiCross, they plaing some Coldplay songs. quite cool, but will sound better with some piano. Apparently Bobby, one of the guitarist, says he knows a pianist, who is quite ok... maybe grade 5 around there? asks whether can intro her, at first we said anything, then he started to talk further on about someone posted her pictures in SGgirls.com, i think you should know our answers lah.

HAHA really ar, got a good looking female vocals really will bring you places... anyway, just to let you know, We made it thru the next round of Band Edge, i mean you know why? stupid reason, cos we are the only band with a female vocals. ARGH! what kind of reason is that? next time i bring a dog to sing then they also let us in cos we have a dog as a vocals lah. sian man...

Got really touched by the two messages today, one by rev strauss and steven of Doulos. Strauss managed to drive to me a conviction of serving the youth ministry full time in the future. I really want to see QLC YF flourish, i want to accomplish what Kenny and the rest of the YF hope to see, Where both chinese and English congregation, united, worshipping as a independent worship ministry, in dynamic and proactiveness!

Steven drove across the God divine nature of his calling for others to serve, in one way or the other. I cannot help but tear abit as i let them lead worship, out of pure intent, of service to God.

Then played pool with Feng nan, lost to him 5-3, i played badly, but he managed to get quite a few good shots. HAHA i managed to master the back ball technique... but i still cannot drive the ball straight... argh!

then later went to the arcade with him, cos someone rigged Drummania to allow 4 stages, where a double song still counts as a stage, (meaning you can be stuck there for about 1/2 and hour drumming, good money) then pump a credit along with the already 2 credits pumped by the other players... then the long wait began. We watched 2 guys, professionally blasting dinosaurs in Jurassic Park 2 the shooter, until i think from start until almost 2nd last stage, went over to see noobish girls dancing in Dance Dance Revolution... ( btw i go up to 7 steps and 8 steps for some songs.... but i getting old liao...sobs) then finally went back to see the other drummers finish. Then my turn came. Played a warm up song, level 54 song, quite rapid rolls but simple song, got an A. Then i think got alot of people behind me. ( i feeling preetty good. but remembered that FN has to go back ASAP.) but something made me do something dumb. so many people, i went to chose a level 60 song. ( I mean its no kick lah, i can easily drum a level 70 song,) but i never play before, then i struggle to survive... then i guess i cannot really be bothered to play after seeing my life so bad already, with a shake of my head i allowed myself to lose the round. A 30 minute game turned into 10. but doesnt matter, i mean i waited for my turn so long, watched them play so much till i really dun feel like playing already i guess...

argh, man. I told FN not to talk to me about girls. about relationships. its getting upon my nerves. I know i should not take out my anger upon couples but i just cant help it. Something is biting into me, making "not like" the girls i know who are attached. argh. I want yet i despise what i truely want. its getting bitter. but does not matter, i have God to live on. My guitar and my passions. I guess i dun not need anything else. To me, what i truely want i cannot keep, i cannot treasure, I really am hopeless when it comes to my social life now. I want to stop wearing that mask that everybody wants to see. A smiling and understanding ivan. Sometimes its true, but sometimes its just plain tolerance. I am praying for me to change my ways. Believe me i do not want to be like this. but God help me, my passion is already eating me i guess.

But i guess i am embracing my destiny, i was born in a system of no real freedom in the things i do, why i thought of entering the seminary when i am 30 only is the fact that my family really do not want to see me there. I realise that i have many jealous relatives about my disciplined life, guitar learning, school work, social life, argh.

painful. i lead a spiteful life of tolerance of society and disgust myself with the sinful nature of many people. I am more disgusted at myself. If anything can reflect what is in my heart, you will see, dirtiness, grime that is so black that it can eat light, odours so pungent that will make every atom in your body never wanting to get near me. You will shun me the moment i reveal my heart to you. Its a painful and lonely heart. a heart that yearns. a heart that bleeds.

You know, joycelyn shared about her joys with couples fighting... somehow, i need to walk away from that stage. she's childish, her mindset, are just twisted in someways. then again, it could be a gender thing... man. I can just type on andd on and on... Girls, you be nice to them, they think you up to something, then you dun talk to them, they think we avoiding them. CAN YOU STOP THINKING FOR ONCE! argh, i wish God took them out of our heads so they can have more brains, or think in our shoes for once....

I have nothing against you girls, i really like you, but i guess i am stepping on loose soil when i think about you. I tend to fall to sin easily and my principles, smitten. What am I, somekind of homicidal maniac?

Music , the only thing, like a remedy to a dying soul. diminished by society of today. Lord can I depend on you for the strength i seek? Lord How i wish i can see you, touch you, kiss you, walk beside you, pray beside you, wash your feet. I really want to serve you, yet you ask me to serve your people, why Lord why Lord? You love your people too much, some of them obviously you do not need to bother, but instead you send us to do your will. Lord... deepen my convictions, please.... I really want to serve you, but the flesh is so so so so weak... Do you see beyond the wretchedness that lies beneath? Lord you take upon my sins, so i can be free... Lord, what have i done to deserve this? Lord, what have i done to deserve this life you have given me, I SENT YOU TO THE CROSS. Lord, i sent you to the cross, you took the nails that i should rightfully take. Lord... why?

Why Lord, now i am forever indebted to you... and i see your family your church, in dire need for you. Lord, i can never be a good example. i hurt more than i influence right. My mind is so corrupted that i cannot look into someone in the eyes. I am beyond hope Lord, i so desire that new body that you promised. but like paul, i guess i must deny thyself. then take upon my cross...

Oh Lord deepen my convictions... smite my stubborn heart so that to others i am never worth comparing. So that lord, my pride can be replaced by faith... my heart lord, consume it with that purifying fire that we all sing about. A heart that will stand the test of flames. then you will see, remnants of the former self, sliding away like oil from that divine heart that you will install in me...

Lord, hold my hands... please... i beg you....

2006-11-07T20:53:00.000+08:00

ERhz, life's pretty mundane nows that its E-learning week for SP ( or Slack week or Self-proclaim holiday or watever you name it...) so here i am typing the latest entry, cos there aint any good games to play out there anymore... ( nuuuu.... ) But here's my last resort to entertain myself... and thats to entertain yuuuuuu!

~~~~~~~ BLog GOGOGOGOGO~~~~~~~~

Right! Time to get things right. Audition is this thursday, nervous cos its bigger than the other competition... and the fights between hard core rockers ( ROCK ON !..! ) and those poor EMO singers... ( argh, i dun like emo, makes me feel down everytime i hear one, nice tune but sad lyrics, one way to kill me...). Thanks to Doctor Sid, the bassist, He Zeng-ed the song to a more "VertiCross" style. makes me feel better to own a song rather than playing covers...

Haha, i cant wait till i play like...
-Micheal Angelo Batio
-Yngwie Malmstien
-Steve Vai
-Stevie Ray Vaughn
-Hyde of X japan
-Angus Yung
-Paul Gilbert
-Peter Chan Kum Soon
- many more...

Argh, the world of guitar! seh man, I really want to play like them... But first things first i want to settle something thats preventing me from doing so and i really want to settle it first.

1) Finding a new YF chairman : Wonder how come we still have not settle this yet? Cant pick any Tom Dick Harry to do this, or like Hazel told me "The Youth will collapse" in a sense i cannot agree more. A chairman's job is not very pressurising and demanding, but it requires you to make proper decisions. How to make? Lead a God fearing life, in constant prayer. Its God's ministry not mans. So still praying hard for the candidate to appear

2) My diploma : I already decided that aeronautical is not my field, i am just not interest enough to advance to that stage. However, not to let my mother down, I will study hard to at least get a masters in Mechanical engineering. Maybe over seas... but see what the Lord wills.

3) Guitar skills ( like a baby learning to walk ) : Its seems that i still have a long way to go with the guitar. Very inspired by Don who is so motivated to play guitar for worship. His talented i guess. I know i am not really. But I picked up a line in Naruto and thats " I am a genius of hard work ". Someone once told me that i am a fighter, i fight hard with watever little skills i have. I really wish to agree. How ever i really lack motivation.

Apparently, being single is really getting to me. Me being single child, most of the time alone by myself, wanting companionship. its draining to see couples happy together. I mean, really happy. they dun often get into fights... and they always do things together... I see that in Justin's relationship sometimes... although he is a little abusive of authority. The secret? Submission and understanding from the GF.

Haha... Submissive GFs... ironically, although guys always display higher authority and girls always want the guys in charge, you just cant seem to find a girl who is understanding enough to let the guy lead the way... Couples beware if your relationships are one sided.

Here's a check list based on my experience to break ups.:

1) You are always giving in : Its true that if you want a balanced relationships, sometimes you gotta learn how to say no. If you are tired, and she wants you to send her home, just explain the situation and head straight home.

2) You tend to lie to your GF: I tell you, girls got 6th sense. They can easily tell ( not all the times though ) whether you made a detour to a friends outing or a LAN outing when you said you are not free to meet her... Rather then avoiding some guilt trip or nagging from her (which you are not suppose to have), just throw the truth in front of her, and watch how she react.

3) You take constant advantage of the girl : If you engage in anything not good. like watever, abuse her or often scold her, prepare to lose her man.

4) You often do not have time : I should say that this is the no.1 killer of relationships. They take time to grow. Chasing Girls once, you know you will invest all the time in the world just to get her ( all you money as well... sobs...).Then when things settle down, you find out that there's more to be down, the world does not revolve around just the two of you, then you get involved in other things. then you do not have time for her. Slowly, she will fade away from your heart.

5) You tend to flirt easily : Not that i am a flirt, but when my self esteem was built up, i realised my wanting to look good. And when flaunting watever assets you have eg. good looks, good voice, big muscles... etc etc... It can be quite tempting to flirt, to show off to girls whos boss. There will always be girls who are prettier than your girlfriends out there, and sometimes you being friendly to them is really not helping...

6) Your eyes wander easily : Like I said you know that there girls prettier out there. I know why you tend to have this problem even though your relationship maybe settled and thats because you chased your current girlfriends with good look factors. Its may be so for some of you, so my only solution is to accept her and appreciate how she is.

7) You complain about your GF more than you praise her : Not saying that you say things with no base, just that you got nothing nice to say about her thats all. And why? maybe you should analyse why, sometimes a breakup may be the only solution for this.

8) You cannot let her go : I think sometimes you just dun see the right reason to break up. When the time comes for it, pray and then let go. Its not the end, and people wont say things about you. Rather people talk bad about me than i have a sour relationship.

So there you have it, some of my indicators to breakups. I mean, not that i often experience them, its just that i dun want to see others going through what i did.

And if you. Yes you, try to see that i am not trying to exploit you in anyway.

I really want to be single, now my substitute is the guitar. Till i find one who is willing to love me for who i am, i will not enter one.

There still are other stuff that the YF needs to do, and i will update further next time.

Your truely, whos mouth has unlimited ammunition, the rare christian IVan signing out.

~~~~SINGING (YEEEEEAHHH) OUT!~~~~~~~~~~~

2006-11-03T00:39:00.000+08:00

WOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHOOOOOOO!!!! KAY KAY KAY! Time for .....

~~~~~~BLogogogogogogo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Time to keep the intros short... and the content more satisfying... (to my own standards) Kinda realise i have a urge to satisfy everybody needs, whether stupidly or out of the way... Must be a gift ( could be seen as a curse at times ) anyway...

Shocker! in School! In Singapore Polytechnic, In mY Class! FUU!

Its the new and improved Ivan! He Does not wake up late anymore, does his homework, pay attentions in class, and looks more ah beng than ever ( sobx... :( )

His latest systems updates will be :

- Money Management
- Time Management
- Realistic Goal Settings
- Reading God's Word consistently
- Keeping Mouth shut to prevent saying stupid stuff
- Trying to wear contacts ( for performance sake )
- and many more

SOOOOOOOOO! WHILE STOCKS LAST!!!! THE FINAL PIECE LEFT FYI!
So Girls! grab him while he is still HOT, no point waiting to get him when his cheaper, cos his value is growing exponentially! HAHAHAHA

But you came back to my dreams... I keep seeing you and i realised that i desire for you, but my sinfulness will be my motivation to respect you as a good friend, whom i care for. I dare not be with you for i still cannot conquer my body... forgive me.

Anyway, promised i will update on my guitar regimes ( want some competition by year 2008) :

Nov 2006 - Jan 2007 ------------ Scales mastery and application
Alternate picking
more and more songs!!!!!

So ya, you wanna compete! Come along and let me know, I will gladly give you the materials and learn with you... ( actually just want to jam whenever ... play alone quite boring at times.... haha )

So not to boast or anything... I remember i made 2 promises and i plan to keep them

- To Edwin : To remove that dying christmas tree from the church and replace it with a fountain in 9 years time.

- To Joshua : To play the guitar for Hillsongs and City Harvest Church.

Dun plan to disappoint them... Anyway, starting to make up my mind about not pursueing aeronautical, but general mechanics for future studies, then i will pursue music all the way with a masters in engineering (any one...) So planning to keep my day job then pursue stardom for the Lord!

Applied for electric guitar course, and hope to see Kum Soon soon... ( no pun intended :)) He seemed quite excited when i was talking to him about it... Argh, I also so excited... And not to mention i am going to pick up piano to furnish my music creativity and theory! FUUUU! master musician in the house...

ARGH SO EXCITING!!!!!! CANT wait to play till i bleed! sweat or vomit! i just want more time for myself to practice my guitar!!!!!!! ARGH! i never really have the luxury... I want a new GUITAR!!!!! daryl told me about gibson SG... AND NOW I AM OBSESSED! STUPID AMERICAN GUITAR GOT ME HYPNOTISED!!!!! ARGH!

anyway, since i am learning to save money now, i plan to get the prized guitar in 1 year time, plus that ps3 next... but if i win some band competition or something like that lah... GO VERTICROSS! play your best!

Seems like they want to go heavy jap rock, like Alicenine... so unedifying, yet so addictive to the ears...

Ok better stay true to my words! better sleep now! NIGHTO!

~~~~~~~~~OUTOUTOUTOUTOUTOUTOUTOUTOUTOUT(COUGH)OUTOUTOUT~~~~~~~~~~

2006-10-23T21:17:00.000+08:00

ERHZ!!!!!!! SUP MY lovely PEEPS! wa ha ha ha. I miss typing for this blog of mine, gotta keep up the habit, or all my lovely would not get written down! FUUU! alright, lets get this "party" startin'!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~BlogGoGoGOGOG0G0~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alright, as you all know, i want to be proficient in my guitar, so from now on i will be adding my guitar training regime! Some of you may wonder, "why is he such a idiot, let everybody know what is he doing..." Let me tell you, I want everybody to be good in guitar, Its good for everybody and for me, so i have a lot of rivals to compete with! Exciting man!

I am so happy when i see Don, Chris, FengNan... all becoming better at the guitar! I mean, its like seeing your children growing up... so proud to be their teacher... But Ah hah, this is where i will grow stronger as well, my theory will improve when i teach others, and because i dun wanna lose out i will learn more songs and train harder as well, not to mention i will learn more songs as they request me to teach them songs! So guys continue to Pump me with questions KAY! mwa hahahhahhaa.

Future Pro worship guitarist in the house... Actually Kum Soon is such a influence, my teacher i mean, I mean he is not cool or anything, He will let his guitar do the talking, instead of we yapping away about how good we are, Kum soon let his guitar speak for itself! I can just imagine him, ripping away with spanish licks and rolls...

Ya My dream is to help out in my church as a proficient guitarist to train future youth guitarist to play and lead worship, I also want to establish the church as a Song producing church, kinda like City Harvest Church. I mean we got so many talents lah, look at Norman and Jasper, and not to mention all the guys and gals who are picking up instruments, there shall be equality, nobody guitar better than the other, so no one can boast.

However, I want to gain credibility, thats why i joined VertiCross, I will go all the way for them! As guitarist, i learn many techniques through the many songs that we play, Yahoo! music paradise, not to mention, its getting more and more fun with the song list piling up!

Ahaha, you think i let this take over God? No, the further i go, the more i depend on his strength to sustain me, and his will for me for i know its perfect. I will expand his Kingdom through music! And i want everybody to join in the journey! LEts start a crusade, rocking away for the Lord!

VertiCross is entering another SP band competition, Band Edge, YES ITS ANOTHER COMPETITION!!!! audition is this friday, so gotta chiong. Anyway, you guys probably wondering about how the finals went.

~~~~~~FLASH BACK!~~~~~~~~~~

The Finals began, and Kurage(the band name then) was fidgeting as Harlequin was finishing their song "Sweetness". We began setting up behind the closed curtains, and could hear the crowd (which sounds pretty hard to please) echoing away. We set up based on the rehearsals we had earlier, praying for the equipment to go well... Then Mike (male emcee) called Rita for a short interview about our group and song choice, The reaction from the crowd when they heard a japanese name was nerve wrecking... Soon the curtains rolled... Song began...

Weird thing is that you cant see the crowd as the turn off the lights on them to focus on us, Worse is that i cannot really see my guitar as well, i began playing by fill and ear... The guys seems quite nervous, although they were cooly playing away... Cameras from the school photography club flashing away, was distracting, and makes you wanna act more cool cos you dun wanna look like a idiot out there, very pressurizing cos if you dun act cool and give something for the people to admire, the crowd will be disappointed, So i know all those entertainers why they have to act cool.

We tried out best but i guess our nervousness got the better of us, we did not played as well as we practiced... As we though we won fourth place, out of the four finalist... Means last. But i was not disappointed, I was excited, cos i know there is a long way to go! means theres alot more to experience!

Haha we won a miserable $50 ... prob to cover future jamming cost... I was happy that we even won something for the not so good effort given.

Anyway, story might be too long for you guys, Kudos for reading all the way.. And guys, as much as my appearance change, i am still the same.

The rare christian ivan Signing out

~~~~~FUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~

2006-10-16T22:35:00.000+08:00

Welcome back my dedicated lovely readers (enough suck up yet?, nvm >.< ) Anyway, sorry band kurage if i have offended you in anyway yesterday in my blog, its just that its very pressurising to play something you not used to...

~~~~~~~BLoG GO go GO~~~~~~~``

Alright!, heard that Band-X is a gig, not a competition, so not much of a pressure there, playing the song Summer Days from the band Do As Infinity, such a pity that they disbanded already... just when i am appreciating their songs... But hey lots of other Jpop and rock band to listen to. So gonna rock every Jrock song that we like, already having like 2 others songs in queue after the whole thing, "Kimi to iu Hana" and "Rewrite" from Akanji, or Asian Kungfu Generation.! Cool!

Got my self a 3day per lesson plan to improve my guitar skills, and going to learn piano starting december! FUUUUU! music paradise!

So guys, Stay dedicated to the things that you like to do! You may never know, something worth chasing may just be out there, of course, as long as its not against God's will! haha, SEe you guys!

~~~~~~~~~~Signning OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!~~~~~~~~

2006-10-01T08:18:00.000+08:00

Gyah! Welcome back for another wacky day with the rare christian ivan! WOOHOO! OKay ay ay, lets get this party movin' ! Ready! set! ACTIIIIOOOONNNN!!!!

~~~~~~~~BLOG GO GO GO GO~~~~~~~~~

Today i bring to you the first hand experience of Hagane Kurage's audition for the band competition. Its in narrative, so bear with me k? here we GOOOOOOOO!!!! FUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

28 sept 2006, Its around 5.20 pm, I called the bassist, Siddik, who said that he and Justin, the drummer, and Bobby, the lead guitarist, was waiting in the nearest foodcourt which is FC 4, haha, and boy when we met, we could not say a single thing cause we were so nervous man... It did not help when Rita brought her friends along... As the lead singer, she should be more nervous than the rest but here she was, smiling brightly...

After a little touch up from Bobby, also our hair-stylist, We headed to the audition room. Got a little lost but eventually found it in the middle of a dark alley. Haha, a dark alley in Singapore Poly... Scary ar... Anyway, I went in and first person i noticed already there, was Daryl, sitting on the pianist seat. Daryl, lead guitarist and back up vocals of St Patricks birthed band, TealFault, which reached the finals of a local band competition called "School of Rock". He's one of the reasons why i picked up the electric guitar, and he being my classmate constantly influence me as well... Well, now we are rivals. This time he is not playing the guitar, he got the percussions for his band.

Hagane Kurage sat at the corner of the audition room, I picked a comfortable spot near the audition platform with the guys, and began observing my competition. Many of them i knew, Some from another band whom i am playing the bass, and my classmates whom daryl is in the band, and from the buddy classes... Before the actual thing began the competition seemed to be already heating up... However, I prayed a slight prayer under my breath "God, clam my nervous heart, give me strength, and grant me love so i would not treat these people with biasness and selfishness."

As soon as i opened my eyes, Siddik came back with the results of our performance queue, which is the second one... ARGH! at first i thought it would be better to go last, but haha anything lah orh? >.< We sat back down and began checking our equipment, and the first band began setting up. They looked quite amatuerish, but who am i to judge? We are worse... 5 minutes passed they began playing. They played some song from this band, named the vines... One of those punk hard rock... not bad, but then Siddik began telling me how lousy they are... I mean come on, i though they were good...

Finally its our turn... I began setting up the equipment, Siddik gave one suggestion that the bass will help to set the tempo, then the drummer give the cue, then i start the song as usual. Sounded good, so i said ok. setting up infront of everybody is nerve wrecking... All those eyes, observing how you set up, already having some first impression on how "pro" you are... man... I was already shaking and palm sweating... argh! After some minor complications, finally we are ready to rock and roll.

Siddik began the timing when i nodded my head to show that i was ready, however the drum cue was a shocker cos it came in so sudden. Yikes! First second of the the song and we showed how nervous we were... I could not look up... I began to play.... Palm mute strumming... it went quite well. Then Rita sang, it sounded a little off pitch... ARGH!! and the lead guitarist part was although slightly softer than mine, the clariness of his sound drowned my muffled overdrive rhythms... yikes i began to panicked a little, but soon it was ok... A minute passed... The intro and first verse went quite well, very rockish. Then suddenly in one of the drum fills, we heard empty rolls, argh! Bobby and I turned back and saw to our horror, Justin struggling with one collapse floor tom and crash cymbals! ARGH!!! How bad can it turn out!? wat the!!!!! but we continued. Its our responsibility to rock out the rest of the song with one of our comrades down. I began to increase strumming difficulty to make up for the lost sounds, and began string scratching whenever i see an opportunity to increase funkiness. Bobby began to play better as well, it seemed that we got our cool together and we rocked till we dropped... ....

An hour passed, the auditions came to the end, only Siddik and me remained to see the other bands, and boy were some of them good. We came to the conclusion that we would not make it to the finals, i was upset at first but then it came to me, whether we get in or not, we accomplished something. I was happy and told this to Sid. Both of us brightened went back day looking forward for the nest opportunity to shine as a J rock band...

News got to Sid that my friend, Daryl's band, got into the finals, I mean i was not suprised, the lead singer was good, clear and can pull of some nice pitch, I went to leak the news when i saw them in class and congratulated them. In my heart i was dampened to see their happy replies. But then i was not despaired, when they asked me whether we got in, i told them it does not matter, we will try our best the next year... i knew i have to improve myself...

Today, 2 october, Got news from Siddik, WE ARE IN THE FINALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot believe my ears at first! ARGH!!!!! so overjoyed till it hurts! wahahahahaha! man...

So this is my experience! Thanks for reading, remember that i said i want to become a pastor? I really do hope that one day i can be one... I mean fuse what i am doing now and my dream? I WILL BECOME A ROCKING PASTOR !!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUU!

wahaha, okok, gonna rock my joy with DOTA! NIGHT!

~~~~~~~~~~~IVAN OUT TO TO TO TO!~~~~~~~~~~

2006-09-24T23:00:00.000+08:00

Okay hey hey! Without furth-Ur ADuuu, I bring you! [... Mecha voiced...]

~~~~~~~ Blog-ge-ge-ge ent-t-t-trieeee ge-o-o-o!~~~~~~~~~~

Wassup my long lost brothers and sisters! Hope you find the right place cos this place can be HEAVEN or the burning lake of crap for you! ESP> in the documentary of the rare christian IVAN! DE ONE and DA only! Muah ha ha>... >.<

Must emphasize on the word "rare" today. Rare would bring me to a few points today.So sit-to back and embrace yourselves, the ride is just about to begin....

(zzzzt) (interference in da airways) DaBomb: ... zzzt... is this on? wh... ok... (knock knock) on air in 3... 2... 1... and ...

Welcome to the all new radio show, I-have-DaBomb! a show dedicated to people who are constantly logging in to themysteriousgift.com.

Kay, so today the one and only rare christian Ivan asked me to explain on the word, "rare"... hmmmm alright, kinda hard, but i will try my best.

When you say rare, I say... food. Yesterday, Ivan was at the Christianity explored outing at Labrador park, the team that he was with for treasure hunt won, as usual really... , haha, and ah huh, he lost terribly to a aunty though in fishing. I bring you directly to the scene then.

Scenario: Ivan , zhen wei, gordon and Ivan's mom slacking at the jetty.

DaBomb: So Ivan how is it going here for the past 2 hours?

DaBomb: Ok... i think i kinda know....

LAter... >>>>>>

Soloman: And the best fisher goes to aunty Min!!!!!!!!
everyone cheers...

DaBomb: wow! well done Min, but Ivan you tried your best too, dun be too hard on your self too k?

DaBomb: ok...

DaBomb: back to the show, obviously Ivan wished he did better, i mean its rare that he catches no fish. And there you have it, The first rare. But how is this related to food? Ah hah, here are some RARE insights in the food ivan loves

DaBomb: Ivan loves his chocolate fountain. This is when he indulges in every womans desire, to dip ones into a pool, full of C-H-O-Co-La_t3. extra sinful, Ivan was seen locked up in self control room for about 6 hours next day, poor happy man... haha

Dabomb: Ivan loves his Ice peach. its a artificial peach, peached in vanilla ice cream, guranteed to melt the coldest of hearts. of vice versa ( in this case happened to Ivan ... haha).

Dabomb: Ivan also loves his dogs. I mean come on... when you see these cuddly creatures dun you feel like hugging them, kissing them... biting them...

mmmmmmm hmmmmmmmm....
yum yum yum.... less fur means more skin...

fighting among them selves... save Ivan from the dirty work...

DaBomb: But Ivan definitely prefer his beef over his dogs. He likes it preferbly rare! yup or rather medium - rare, cos anymore, its biscuit to him. Ivan loves his beef as much as him called a beef cake, beefed up.... beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef

DaBomb: k, for now, thats the part 1 of rare. stay tuned for more further updates on ~~~~~~~I-HAVE-DaBomb!~~~~~~ ( police "Drop the Bomb now!")

(zzzt) off the radio. So thats a little on rare for today, i hope to catch you soon! Good night!

~~~~~~Ivan OUT TO TO TO!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

2006-09-21T01:00:00.000+08:00

WAZZZUP! alright today i bring you a short episode of the documentary of the rare christian ivan.

So i guess its.....................

~~~~~~~BLOGO GO GO GO!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Schedule: month of Sep

7-9 : Campus Crusade Survivor Camp ( made plenty of friends there ... hee!)
11 : Jamming session one, can view the vid ( cover 2 ). our new singer singing!
14-16: Think Big 06, what makes me think i am going to heaven? hmmm. I shall talk about that another time... and not so "happy" memories... haha, not really, i did enjoy doing it, its jus you know... embarrassing?
18 : Jamming session 2, bobby said vid was too near amps. jammed at this place in clark quey...
19 : A good friend's birthday
20 : Argh... need to go school make time table.... (btw, i am repeating a module... i definitely feel motivated to study now!)
21 : jamming session 3, pray that i can get a good vid this time so i can show you guys! :)
22 : Leaders retreat final evaluation... (better be) and final lesson of Friday BS... (sobs... I want minor prophets study)
23 : CE outing, justins and hon wei's birthday and Eleana's BD party at sentosa... hmmm (wonder how am i going to do all 3?)
25 : Start of school term...

wow... did you see the word slack in my schedule? what happened to my daily work out of munching and playing com games all day-and-night-(till day) days? haiz. But i know i cannot be a slacker! I promised my QT partner that i will do qt every night and sms her my lesson! but she so faithful, making me look like a Peter... NO! I want to do QT every night! I want to conquer my body as well! ARGH!

My band, currently nameless, seems to be heading somewhere... we enjoy J-rock and hope to spread the joy of listening to j-rock and punk. As leader of the band, or not really leader, but founder, I really am tempted to bring the band to new heights.
We are all aspiring artist, trying out new styles and play methods all the time...

Ah, a fellow classmate told me, "we musicians must have pride in our skills" I totally agree. But i also know when to humble myself so that i can improve. Argh!... Kum Soon, suddenly i miss you already... You know, I have been playing the guitar like 3 years now, but i feel like i have been going now where... God please guide me, Sent me a person to take over as chairman, and i shall go over to worship and dwell in my interest of service.

About my chairmanship? hmmm, really feel responsible for the loss of members in the YF. I have one weakness, i cannot be stern in anything i do, i melt easily (esp. if i work with girls... I pray i do not always work with them...) Speaking of girls... hmmm, i will get to that in the next paragraph ( relax ar guys, machiam despos like that) I really pray that someone can take over me as chairman. I really want someone mature to take on responsibilities, to go through any form of trouble. Of course that person wont be alone. I will back him up until I leave the youth, that will be abt 5-7 years time? dunno. but one day i will out grow right?

Ok about girls. Nothing arousing here guys, if you are looking for things like tat, i recommend that you pray that you know your salvation well. haha. Recently i have been reading this book, " I kissed dating goodbye " by joshua harris. The title totally turned me off, and when charlse gave me the book as a birthday present, which was like 3 days after my break up, i never ever wanted to see that book near me in anyway possible... but times passes, now i confidently can let go of the relationship, and read the book. and now i realized i should have read the book earlier...

It talks about the beauty of relationships, between a man and a woman. And about serious and God fearing aspects of it. I thank God that Charles passed me the book. I really owe you one now...

1 month before the performance, better sleep for tomorrows session, NIGHT!

~~~~~~~~~~IVAN OUT TO TO TO!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2006-09-03T01:42:00.000+08:00

KAY KAY KAY!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOO~~~~~~!

EIZ zZzZZzAA!~~` BLOG go GO go Go go FUUUU~~~~!!!!

to all dedicated die hard fans, WAZZUP-P! long time no see, ah... can sense that my ratings dropped a little... BUT ITS OKAY! Who can resist coming to the site of the rare christian Ivan FUU! eh, now its not the time to resist. WA haha! ALRIGHTO-to-to-to!

Time to make up for lost time! Sorry no time machine fer you guys for you to sit in, but if yer like the guy from the movie "Butterfly Effect", ehz za! KUDOS TO YOU!

kay kay kay, without further a-do! .....

~~~~~~~~BLOGGO TIME-MO_HO-ho!~~~~~~~~~

Alright-ta! Welcome back for another round of the steady moving, but fast crapping Ivan (crowds cheers) YAY! sei wah, many ask me... " Ivan, you like real life quiet calm and cool, You online machiam weird weird one." hey, Both sides are the real deal. Its just that i rather remain the cool dude you see in the streets, so can save strength to type for you all mah. C how much i love you guys <3<3<3~!

K k. Today i will show you the best way to burn the whole morning away if yer having the blues...

start of the journey: "Eh, what you all wanna do ar... cinema close liao, no chance to catch snakes in the plane..." "Dunno"

"Heh, tell you all what lah, I know what to do ( strikes pose )..."
Current time: 10:21 pm
Current location: Plaza Singapura

The great singaporean tour 06!
Time: 2:47
Location: outside Raffles place shopping centre
Starring ( from left ): Tan Teng Yao, Justin Yeo Wei Ming, Ivan Teo (no need cheena name lah hor)

location: outside British Club
Scenario: Seize the chance to sleep on the road!

time: 2:55 am
Scenario: Car accident? (Er... hope this never happens to me...)(ya lah, its me on the ground, all for the sake of art!)

Location: Next to benjamin shears bridge
scenario: "Eh, Ivan, you choose where to go next..." "er, anywhere lah... feeling a little hungry liao... , Lets head to lau pa sat lah!" "Set arhz..."

Time: 3:09 am
Location: Fullerton place
Scenario: Erm, still figuring out... But hey look beyond and you will notice something more worth looking! haha

Time: 3:15 am (approx)
Scenario: "should be near lau pa sat liao... i think"

Time: 3:25
Location: Unknown
Scenario: "Aw crap, did we take the wrong turn?" "beats me" "Argh, beat you lah."

Time: 3:26 am
Location: heaven
Scenario: "cheh i thought lost sia, you take wrong turn..." "so hungry it makes me go like... like that guy next to me!" "haha, me too!" "thats the sign board lah you idiots"

Scenario: "Nothing beats supper like ba chor mee, mai te gua! (literally)"

Time: from now on unchecked cause all the rest from hp
Scenario:" Wah, that was a good meal. plus drinking hot coffee through straw keeps us energetic and running! (cos its so darn #@$^%& HOT!), hmmm, where should we go to enjoy ourselves"

"hey check that 2 bar-tenders-in-training out... cool moves... also smart to train like 4 am, since no one will watch you..."

"haha, thats entertaining... so where next?
"Come, I bring you play gao gao"

"you call this fun? Clark Quey still close lah..."
"neh, macdonalds still open ma-"
"We just ate lah, siao!"
"ar nvm, lets head back to esplanade..."

"Wth! this place machiam red light district ar..."
"hey walk faster, police looking at us..."
"scared wat, we not say underaged-"
" (barhostess)(looks like a tranvestite barhostess btw) -Boys, come join us-"
(running like no tomorrow)

"phew, that was close... eh, where are we now?" "dunno why dun we ask the-"

"-parliament?" "you drink too much coffee is it? now 4.30, you think they in meh?"

"wow, funan. we're back in City Hall again... looks like people open shop liao"
"all good starts end with a good ending, lets go back to douhby"

"hey isnt that the old MPH, gone liao sia...""the national museum soon also lah..." "eh, what the... the siren inside went off! cao ar!"

"hmmm, isnt SMU a little early? woah, cool watermelon like ceiling..."

" I've got to to go to the Y-M-C-A, need to go to the Y-M-C-A, ay "

"back where we started... time to sleee-"
" oi! no slping! eh , we go orchard walk walk lah! now we can own the road ar!"
"can lah... we go taka ba..."

"Orchard road liao... quite fast... centerpoint... weird how these shopping centers with no cinemas and gaming can survive ar..."
"Not everybody got life mah... these shopping centres are girls healing sanctuary... trust me i know.."
"oooooh..."

"haha, destination reached..." "lets go to that spot. I need to slp, later got 10 hour workshop in school..." "haha, k... tomorrow SP will have one zombie liao-"
"- ar, just keep quiet la..."

Thats about the end of the journey. I had a half an hour rest, went to school, half dead actually... MRT open liao. Campus Crusade has this workshop to train on CE , haha, our church got Christianity Explored, Campus Crusade got Christianity Explained... Breach of copyright? haha i leave it to the higher authorities. I was asked to lead worship there, and that was my first time leading worship, with a small group of about 40 plus people, abt YF size liao...

It was frightening yet a great experience, makes me wanna lead more worships in the future. I hit it off with a "we're together again" YF walk around greet pple style. Then I continued with a 6 Hymn medley which i played in contemporary style, and i sang my heart out! I totally Left the whole worship into God's hands, and he pulled out something more from me. I was afraid that i might zao sia in front of everybody, but i did not, in fact i think i sang marvelously! Thank you God, I want to sing more praises for you!

God indeed watched me all the way, I need to focus more on him more than ever if i want to work in his ministry. God's ministry focus on God's guidance is God's will.

AMEN! wow, what a long entry, longest yet! ( wait for more latest news from me k?)
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

~~~~~~~IVAN OUT TO TO TO!~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2006-08-21T17:31:00.000+08:00

Hey hey hey, exams ending soon... but not yet finish yet! haha, but here i am writing for you dedicated fans of themysteriousgift.blogspot.com! continue to support this site with your prayers and constant thoughts of the rare christian ivan! wahahaha! FUUUUUUUUUUU!

Anyway i finally complete the sentence for " how rare? medium rare." the additional is for God to say "well done" wow! i really look forward to that day! hahaha.

Anyway, i might be making a game for fun, using C# to make the logic blah blah blah... So phebe here's the new pic of the protaganist of the game!

Hero "Stiege"

And here's the Rocker Princess that i created that day, just touched up on her a bit...

Rocker Princess Rita!

The game will be something like Final fantasy like that, or you could say that it is a clone. BTW, check it out Final Fantasy 7 : Dirge of the Cerberus is out! All Final Fantasy fans who played ff7 and watched Advent Children and Before Crisis, go get it now!

haha going to get it once i lay my hands on a ps3.

PS3 is going to be released like next september, by then i will wait for a year for the price to drop then i will purchase it with FF12 and FF13! FUUUUUU!

PS3, controllers not actual.

We had BS last friday and had a little debate about whether its ok to purchase little pleasures, things that we enjoy that cannot be used to glorify God. And i gave them my answer: All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial. If what you get hinders you from getting close to God, remove it. Like the verse thats say if your hand cause you to sin, cut it. Its better to enter the kingdom of heaven maimed then enter hell. We can get what ever we want, however discern the motive behind the purchase. God despise pride, for people who buy things and boast about them. so ya, discern, and reflect if that thing is going to cut you away from God.

So ya, careful wat you buy k? esp girls who cannot control your money spendings... dun point fingers guys... girls you know who you are... hahaha!

kk better go back and study liao... dun be sad k? once my com up and running i will upload all my videos! and by then i will get my Video cam back! yay!

~~~~~~~~~IVAN OUT TO TO TO!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

2006-08-18T18:28:00.000+08:00

Hey Hey HEy, slacking during the exams period. Not really but am here to show evidence that i really do study!

Haha, Dennis , Zerong, Damien and me at our final attempt to master engineering maths 2. Not easy man... haha but i pulled through... i think...

Hmmm, kinda look back at it... i really wished i had put in more effort...

THATS WHY I CANNOT SLACK LIAO! I promise i will blog more once i finsh exams! I promise.

Ivan out! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!

2006-08-12T15:51:00.000+08:00

Hey guys! i will be updating my blog much lesser than usual... ( aw... ) hahaha.erm, partly due to the exams? haha, i wish that i was more hardworking... However i will be adding many videos i took with my trusty Sony Ericsson K700i. Note that the quality isnt that great, but i love taking videos. When i get back my old sony camera, i will be taking more proper videos. Haha, looks like i am going more media based than word based liao. Better for you to share my experience than let you read more nonsense all the time. FUUUUUUUUU!

but before i leave there's more urgent things to attend to and thats...

~~~~~~~~~~BLOG GO GO GO!~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ERHZ! sup guys! the past few days i realized one thing, its expensive to go for all the activities you wanna go... haha, think about all the food you need to eat! I just went to the fireworks festival yesterday ( not bad New Celedonia, however a tree was obstructing my view... ) and i had to eat something... and i spend a total of $15 bucks total on food for the whole day. Partly is due to the fact that i and my friend chiong pizza hut and KFC for lunch... (first time i cried while eating KFC, Because i was that close to exploding...) haha, guys watch what you eat k? You are truely wat you eat.

I truely see the danger of burning out, and staying away from the people who gave you the burnt out... There's a high tendency that you might backslide, cause you are enjoying what you might call freedom. Its feel so good to do what you wanna do, unlike doing stuff that you might feel obligated to do... So why burn yourself out? Let me tell you from my experience why i got burnt out.

There's the dead line. You enjoy what you are doing until you recieved the deadline. Thats when everythings dead. I enjoy doing doing things however, time limit restraints the joy of serving. However, i know that this is my mistake, i do not have discipline and time management. Guys, what we do know is being programmed into the future us, the attitude we have for our jobs and stuff like that. We might suffer a repercussion.. it might intensify... lets do our best to discipline ourselves. Just like paul said that he beat his body to listen to him, He has total power over his body! Sloth is indeed a deadly sin, so lets buck up k?

Another factor is failure to accomplish what you hope to accomplish. The session i had with you all, i was already in burnt out mode. however, i used whats remaining of my spiritual discipline to bring forward my message. However, it was not wat i hope it turned out to be. I did not let God take control of the picture, I was a games show host more than a preacher... I was inadequete. Thats because i did not think about something about myself... my limits! I thought i can do everything. I thought i can really do everything through him who gives me strength! How naive i truely was... If i can do everything then wouldn't i be better in everything i do? I can everything? I expected too much of myself. And now i find myself running away from the source of failure, my motivation. I brainwashed myself into thinking i was some kind of Superman... haha, superman on kryptonite more like...

Right now you all may be wondering why i may be fading a little in the YF... i do not want to be noticed... I hope to lead the quiet life once more, more time for myself,so i can grow on my own. Its not that i do not want fellowship, but i want just more space for myself... i just feel like i want to be alone for the while K? so pls dun be so worried when you read this, i truely understand the situation i am in. I am doing something about this.

Haha... during this time, i will exploring the world of music for the while. i truely want to see the world. I want to. So you keep updated with my life through my videos, i will upload the crucial moments in my life k? I promise!

And oh yeah... I may want to stay single for quite a while... i realised that i still cannot control certain parts of my emotions and desires... haha you know what i mean lah... plus God have not really shown me who i should approach... The loniness is gripping me at time, but hey, his grace is sufficient for me. There are times when i break down in repentance, crying my heart out like a baby in front of the Lord, crying for hope, crying for someone to embrace me. I come to church to worship the Lord with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. But I can truely worship him, just me and my trusty guitar, strumming tunes like amazing grace, or the songs i wrote... The tears that flow, express enough how much i truely yearn to see the Lord, How much i do not want to live in this world where i must go through all the emotional and physical strains...

sure i may sound depressed, but hey, The joy of the Lord is my strength. I know that the Lord expects my return, like the prodigal son, on top of that, i realised that i am pretty bold when it comes to battling with the spiritual realm, i want more exposure. I truely want to see casting out of demons, evil spirits, hauntings... Dunno why... But i sense the sovereignity of the Lord more in times of Darkness rather than in comfort zone. I want to be like Peter who stepped out of the boat to approach Jesus at sea. There's more to this, I know! I cannot stay enclosed in this secular world, where everyday life is just about sustaining and upgrading your diminishing physical life. I need to explore the world!

Ah hah, but what is my priority? Sure its study, family, church, my band, silkroadonline account... but my greatest want is to explore everything the Lord has created! The beauty! the horrors! oh i am so excited at the thought of going to see the world! argh! so excited it hurts...

But now all these are just dreams... reality is that i got to work for everything... I cannot fail my mother in studies now... I want to excel in my guitar so i can bless the youth... I want to master the guitar first then come and help the youth!

With me and my guitar, I am going to sign out now! CYA!

~~~~~IVAN OUT TO TO TO!~~~~~~

2006-08-07T19:10:00.000+08:00

Yo! welcome back for an all new adventure of the rare christian Ivan! The date is 7th of august 2006 and the time is 7.07 pm. perfect timing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~BLOG TIME GO!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ERHZ~! Long time no see guys. I hope you did not go for counselling sessions just because i had take a short leave.Any ways guys, time for an update-te! I am still hahaha, happy cause i have to. No rather i say i got to be happy for this period of time, for who knows what lies ahead. Can you ever foresee the dire consequences of forsaking thy destiny? " To be or not to be, that is the question..." - (no link). ARGH!, the very thought of it brings shivers down your spine, hairballs atuck in your throat, bad hair days, your best friends cooking, armegeddon, the end of reality. Yes my friends, there's no escaping from the horrific beast that appears every halfth of thy year. He raises you or crush your whats-left-of-your-brain to smitterins. You probably got it right, Its the exams.

You still can say cheh, you really buay bah ar. Skin so thick i go to war need AP to scratch you? You study yet? Not yet? Still reading this blog ar! SI GI NA(hokkien)!Chee Du Su LAH(Singapore chinese)! eh, where you all going? Blog entry still not finish lah.

Recently, life was rather interesting for the while. God was faithful and allowed many things to occupy my time in times of spiritual dryness. I look forward to serving the Lord with a Dua heart and a Dua smile! :)

Have you been to the NDP this year? AH hah, sry lah. i know its not time yet. However, i truely recommend this years for the fire works. truely a work of art and timing precision. And if you got the chance , go catch the fireworks festival this 3 days. Its really something that you can look forward too, cos singapore got too much money liao. So they got to burn it, by burning fireworks in the sky. Dun you just love this spoiled nation?

And yeah, attended the preview show with my cousin, Lester. Was probably enjoyable cos i never attended a NDP for years. However this year is special, cos its gonna be the last in the Kallang Stadium.

And yeah, those who attended the Festival of Praise ( FOP ) held in the indoor stadium during the 4,5,6 of august, hope you were edified by the messages and praise sessions. I do enjoy the praise ( note i did not say worship, cause the noise and lyrics make it hard to ... Worship ) and the message based on the passage of Gideon the mighty warrior. I AM A MIGHTY WARRIOR! FUUUUUUUU! haha. thank God for the message.

haha, i also attended the SUPERBAND DA JUE SAI! WOAH! steady ar singaporeans! Go forward in the music scene ba! I would like to congratulate MILO Bing! I will start drinking milo bing until you become faded like poor taulfik, who is currently working as a staff in 7-11, so when you see him say hi k?

Ar!The band J3lli-F1$H is going to record its first song, titled "I suck at guitar". So when my band record finish it liao, support support k? haha, Norman dun hate it cos its a little simple plannish.

KK. SP students, watch out for MM day, I have a probability of performing, of course not alone lah. later i steal the show how? haha. Will most likely be playing a nickelback song. Happy guessing.

ARgh! really need to study and practice on the guitar, must not lose out to you guys at church. esp. people like norman, jasper and yangkai. I hope to catch up with you guys soon.

Now that Charles is Hainan on a business stint, Don and I ( russell peter's hong kong joke) will be overlooking over the Christian education sector of the Yf ministry. So pls guys, We need more people to enter the ministry.

I will be bringing up Yuki as the future leader of the Yf in one way or the another cause i want to help him grow in Leadership.

Ok ok., i got to go, my cousin dragging me to go to the pasar malam downstairs. so see ya k!?

IVAN OUT_TO_TO_TO!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-08-02T22:47:00.000+08:00

Hey welcome back guys. Thanks for praying for me and reading about the mysterious gift. I want to acknowledge the people that see me through prayers. Thank you whoever out there.

Now seven month. Hungry Ghost festival... BOO! haha, hope i did not scare you there. However, now i want to share a little about the paranormal and it can be a little not too comfortable to read... since you can still smell the incense from the burnt offering... ...

I used to be very intrigued and curious about things i can never really understand. Some of the things are:
- God
- Extra terrestrials
- prophecies
- occult
- girls

and one of them to top the list is... you guessed it, GHOSTS! I never really encountered the paranormal before, however, I heard many stories about them. I hope that next time someone ask you whether you ever encountered, pls lah, dun have means dun have, dun come make some story k? All those stories of complete apparitions of humans have a high possibility of being fake.

Let me tell you what i firmly believe before you come and tell me that i talking or believe in nonsense or not obedient to God's word. First of all, I want you to know, you not believing does not means its not there. Same with God. Its also the same with lost souls and evil spirits. I believe in learning about everything so you wont be too shocked when something happens. IVAN OF ALL TRADES STRIKES AGAIN!

Here is what i know. Spirits are clumbs of electrical entities. They cause distortion in the atmosphere, magnetic field and can cut off current in a circuit or short circuit items. Upon which, they react with the surrounding atmosphere, or particles in the air, causing a possibility of forming some kind of image. However if you all realize, you cannot see electric currents. Therefore you need specialised equipments or apparatus to see them or listen to them. However i do not want to cover that as it is another story by itself.

There are many category of spiritual encounters, ranging from your average orbs to a real angry poltergeist. They cause damage from shocking you to death, to tearing your house apart. They can be anywhere, everywhere. You might feel them at times, they distort your sensory systems at times, thats the reason why sometimes, you get too shocked to move when you see one, since your system is not listening to you anymore. Here are some of the things you might feel:
- Chills at your back
- aching back
- bad feeling of something
- headaches
- numbness
- weird feelings in your body
- many others

However scary or powerful the entity is, let us remember that we have a God who saves. He protects and in the authority given to us by Jesus, evil spirits cannot harm us. The truth shall set you free. There is only one spirit in us and thats the Holy Spirit. Keep faith that the Lord will protect and shelter. Believe in the spiritual realm, the realm where God reigns and angels and demons battle. In this realm, a parallel dimension, is very real. I read about 2 american scientist who tried to time travel, using nuclear technology , using speed to light quantam physics to propell particles across dimensions, returned from a place where they saw things too scary to describe and went mad. Dunno the story true or not, but there is still the possiblity, like i mean, can you imagine invisible people? The US already have cloaking what, nothing new.

Whether you want to find this useful, up to you. You read it already what, haha i accomplished something. So wisen up and learn what you read but discern. Ask about what you read and comment on this entry if you all can about your encounters and explanations. I am sure others want to know to.

May the Lord bless those who seek his knowledge and face.

Ivan out!

2006-07-28T15:45:00.000+08:00

Argh, the strain in the brain, Ivan is here again, so lets gets straight to business. ( workers take leave to read my entries...)

~~~~~~~~~~ BLOG TIIIIIIIIIIIMME-MOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!~~~~~

Haiz, I am such an idiot. I realised that after my blog kinda offended a few girls... i shall not name who. Argh, forgive me k? From now on i try to leave people related to me out of the picture. I know my mistake already k? Ha, but best you do not stay cooped up in that little world of yours... we all need friends. But i went too far i guess, we need our privacy. So if i offended you in any way possible, sorry k? ( I rather take a head butt of zidane now...)

OK! I shall not include girls into my entries from now. I respect your decision to the heart. SOOM PAH! haha. wah... starting to regret taking engineering as my course of studies liao... maths everyday man... no one else in church or my friends are taking the kind of course of study i am taking? Am i smart or dumb? not sure already... argh the strain in the head. Decided to do this entry even though i have a C# programming test after this.

Guys, lets be frank with ourselves. Are we doing the things we really want? I reflect and reflect and actually the real reason i entered this course is because i thought its rather prestigious and high class. You can imagine things like this when you are in my course...

A: " Wow long time no see now, what are you studying?"
Me: "Aeronautical engineering"
A: (If the person is smart enough) "Wow... thats tough! you must be really smart!"
Me: "Not really... I am one of the lousiest in the class..."
A: "Ok... whats your GPA ( Grade point average )?"
Me: "er... only around 2.8..."
A: "wah seh, so smart ar..."

And it can go on and on and on ( on to the power of a million) About how good i am or something like that... then they all think i am some kind of superman then dun care how i feel.

I honestly find it very tiring to do the task people entrust into my hands. I like the authority, but the power comes with a price. I need to be mature, EVERY WHERE I GO! i need to show the level of respect for my superiors and stuff like that... I dun really like the Hierachy system.

What happened to speaking in love to one another? I find my brothers telling me things that put me down. You think i think slow to shoot back at you because i am slow to respond? More like you all practice shooting so much that your mouths naturally feed your ego. I despise you people. However through the love of Christ, I learn to love you people as well.

I apologise to people who offend me or been offended by me in any way.Guys, Sorry if my mouth have been rough or thinking of making myself look good, saving my pride. Girls, sorry for my insensivity. I know i am a boring and lousy guy to talk to. From now on, expect lesser nonsense to come from my finger tips and mouth. And i will put more focus into my studies, quit my extra module and focus in my ministry work.

On top of that, I want to learn how to put girls out of my life. I am rather tired of playing catching with you girls out there. It strains me emotionally, financially, physically, spiritually and others ways.

I really want to get a girl friend, believe me i do. However i am not made for the chase of the girls i truely desire. I desire girls who are good looking, modest, and just care for me no matter what i say or do... However, i realised that i have been treating everything like one big joke...

My studies are going down the drain... i feel spiritually dry... i feel extremely lonely... i grow bored in the people i meet, the things i do... I am just tired of everything... tired of not being myself... I want to feel welcome... but i feel like people rather i welcome others than i feel at home. They expect me to act as a mature adult, but honestly i do not want to. in 2 years time, i will entering NS... please let me have a sense of freedom before i start working in the secular world... I do not want to have a deprived teenage life...

I know i sound immature, hey i dun blame you man. Try being somebody you are not for the next 2 years, let me know how you feel. Right now, all i really want to accomplish is to straighten out my life, create more breathing space and recreation time for myself, and enhance my skills or areas that i should touch on.

so please my friends, sometimes when you truely want to see the beauty of something, sometimes its best to see it truely free.

Ivan out

2006-07-25T07:53:00.000+08:00

AL--- RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGhT~! bloggo bloggo bloggo ENTRY GO GO GOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Touched with the passion the Pah- sion! OF LOVE!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!

kk, thanks to all to those who enjoy my session and brought home something , be it the lesson, the fun, the whackiness, the less than a dollar pencil ( ooops... HAHAHA ) or purely great time of fellowship and worship to the Lord almighty, who reigns over the heavens and the earth!

Ehz, Like to ask you something. Isnt singapore being small great? First of all, its possible to go around singapore in a day. Next, you keep bumping into all your friends. Ya i know, sometimes you dun wan, but they . ~WHISTLE~ ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE!! ~ WHISTLE~~ WHOOOOOO! steady ar, thank you MR Carlsberg, i promise i will drink you from now on. WAH HAHAHAHA! ( no lah... i dun drink... unless depress then different story, where i mix beer for water. oops )

Oh yeah, Happy Birthday to Singapore, Jermyn, and CHRIS! good job guys for staying well for so long, please continue to survive and strive fer the Lord man. Do us proud by getting at least 50+ marks for every subjects and A+ for CCAs. WAY TO GO!

Finally ended my guitar course, however going to miss Kum soon fer the while... NOT! gonna crash that old man's guitar shop this friday and give him a heart attack about me damaging justin's father's $3500 ++ Gibson Les Paul.yikes! no lah, I just taking a friend to patronize the place lah.

hmmm, Thank you Lord for laying down paths that are smooth sailing and turbulent at the same time. Now i am talking to my ex again. Seems like eternity since we spoke to each other. Actually i have not met her for 3 years, ever since we broke up... I asked her to join me at the St Patricks Rock concert charity, event name called "SPROUT ROTI" or "St Patricks Reaching OUT to India". Actually i went to support my class mate daryl's band, Tealfault, but Ronin was there too. HAHA, that Albino lead singer is weird man, he always look as if he is on drugs... Not bad ar daryl, remember the rare christian ivan when you become famous OK! or i promise you a eternal spam of chain mails... bwa ha ha ha....

Oh yeah, back to my ex, haha, never seen her 3 years, how she have grown. She is much prettier now, and much mature... hmmm... However i do not want to rush things, although we now talking alot, and i kind of BHB to her... but i never talk dirty to her OK! I am not flirting and i dun go for flings k!We are just friends! unlike you JUSTIN! HAHA! FORGIVE ME! hahaha

Currently i find myself engulfed with girls... Recently read a whole comic series titled " Ichigo 100% " . The story is about a guy, who gets involved with a lot of pretty anime babes in high school, and has to break their hearts because he cannot decide among them. ARGH! I HATE THE ENDING. The ending is that he did not end up with the girl he is suppose to be with, but another girl because he does not want to hurt her.

Fine, I professed to the Lord that i am very very tempted to jump into a relationship with any of the girls i know now... However, i want the Lord to guide me. Cos you give me a chance... i dunno man... i might FUUUUUUUUU!!! #CENSORED# #CENSORED# ( wat you thinkin man... :) )

Today ( 25 june 2006 ) i met Esther of Campus crusade during our CLM today. Turns out she is from my church as well! Cos i saw a picture of her husband, MING JET! wooo ... ( tune starts ) ( its a small world after all, its a- AH SHUT UP! BANG! (shotgun lowered)) hahaha! She will be doing BGR talk for the YF on october... and she confessed something about the offer to do the talk infront of SPCCC, not knowing that i was the chairman of my youth... heh heh heh. can black mail pple liao... ( WT! am i thinking... Arent i truely a follower of Jesus? Why thy evil desires beckons reasoning! Argh! Down you lackey of the gratified nature!"

heh, to You who truely wants to read a poem purely written by me, Angela, here we GO!

The Spectacle

Behold the grandior of whirling mass
A spark held by consuming strains
Crash and snaps of new terrain
Yet new life was bane but soon to wane

The first of man lay the domain
from lush pastures to the vast plains
The Maker judge an eternal toil
who ever who eats of this soil

Towers rose and Kingdoms fall
uprisings and a quick winter guide
many a fallen, taken in haste
meets the One that sets them in place

The Lord creates and the Lord takes
A new creation and destruction wakes
There will come the time when the serpent falls
the pillars that follows, follows suit.

Argh... poem not that good lah... what you expect, i never really written for yearss liao. But good attempt, i will catch up with my english soon! And i gonna pick Jap as well. well at least i say a famous qoute from a very distinct individual of the Japanese society. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!

k, gotta sleep now

IVAN OUT- TO! ( guys remember, dun eat extra bitter chocolates, they do things man...)

2006-07-20T23:23:00.000+08:00

Sorry about yesterday... I had no control of my FINGERS!!!!! They had a life on their own for 30 minutes! FUUUUU! haha, temperamental me have gone away. Its the time of the month lah, you should know. HAHA AL RIGHT TY! LETS GO- su!

~~~~~~~ BLOGGO ENTRYO GO! GO! GO!~~~~~~~~~

Oiz! Bet you all wondering why i went berserk on the devil yesterday. I just felt that he really pissed me off! Ah, My sinful nature overwhelms me. But in Him who gives me strength and victory, I will over come everything!

OH KAY! SUP SUP SUP, you probably miss me. I think i had ruin the long anticipation with the feud i have with the evil one, But hey its gonna happen when it happens! But oi! you are very dedicated in the documentary of the rare christian IVAN! Today i will be talking about.. guess who... ME LAH!

Years ago, I was named "Fighter". Probably for everything I did. Dun get the name wrong, I did not fight! In fact i was quite cowardly. But I earned my title through my hard work, I never gived up. Heres one story.

I just joined the bowling team, i was one of the pioneering members. PLus i am the only guy with no bowling background, it was always seen as a leisure sport until i joined the unofficial school ( or rather aspiring ) cca. I bought a new ball, new shoes and learned how to play straight. HAHA guess what. When i joined the inter school was about a months away! I had only a few training sessions! I knew i had to do something, plus i knew i had no time to play hook! I then desperately had to master something, accuracy and timing. I was a complete NOOB! I observed people and watched their techniques, but i could not mimic any! So i had to go down to my only strength, guess what? its my strength, literally la!

I mastered the bullet technique in a few weeks! Its a hyper risky, low accuracy , but high strike rate skill! However my coach was not always pleased at my discovery.
He said that the technique would dampen my hooking abilities! I said that i would do my best at the inter schools even if it cost me longer training to hook the ball. He never said anything, but continued to train me on accuracy.

The technique made me quite well known in the east bowling world for a while. I was known as the " heart attack!" or " Thunder" .partly due to the extremely loud crash that i made every throw! But then the reason why i was known as fighter came during the tournament.

I was at my second game of three games of the competition. I was completely nervous for its the first big game i ever played. The nervousness cost me dearly and in my frenzy, i accidentally cut my fourth finger. Al though the bleeding was not that bad, it hurts everytime i picked up the ball. I listened to every advice of the coach and pushed my self to the limits for the second game. I used as much strength and concentration in every shot, However, it did not win me a high score.

That day we lost pretty badly, partly distracted most of the ways cause we were the only guys playing in that section of tournament ( FORGIVE ME LA , the rest all girls cos we submit our entry too late). However, i won the respect of the coach as the only player that put all my soul into the game. I did not realize it, but i was looked like as if i could not take it anymore, and wanted to collapse, but hey, something gave me strength, its passion man!

OK maybe some of you may not think its inspiring, but it was to me. I strived my way through, and learned almost every technique and information. Haha, again Ivan the jaack of all trades strikes again.

To know everything is good, to know nothing, ignorance, is not bliss! You think you dun care that does not mean it goes away. You might need to know a little of everything. Its really helpful, plus you get to meet a lot of people along the way! I know all the big names in the bowling world! haha, you can meet all the big names, inspired by them, inpsire others. You influencing someone, believe me it feels good. What greater influence if we can show how great is our GOD?

SAY SAY SAY! you all better come to youth this sunday! COS I AM GONNA TEACH!FUUUUUUUU!!!!!!! Its gonna be on LURVE>>> whistle whistle! YUP! LURVE! all you lurvy doveys out there! wake up and come on down to QLC this sunday! And i will teach you what truely is the emothion we all wanna give, you know it man, its LURVE! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!

Love is in the air guys, if you do not notice, in the busy world of singaporean students, the guys a pretty busy doing something else. Chasing their future wives! FUUUU! you dun need a PHD to know that, you guys ar, Hormones come out only chase girls liao! NO SHAME AR! haha, not say i dunno what you all are doing, cos theres a time in st pats, I WAS DOCTOR LOVER! FUUU! haha, that one joke lah. I cannot love for nuts. All my relationships were not picture perfect and now no time to even settle down and start a plantation of kids. WHAT AM I THINKING! must be the chocolate i just ate, extra bitter! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!! WOAH WOAH WOAH! haha, getting mad liao.

Let me say a spell when you come to this blog. NONSENSICO ABSORBO! now you can listen to my crap! WAH HEY! Love love love! haha... how i long for one... I really wait for the day i can get a companion.

But hey, love and dun make war, you get what i mean you cheeky guys out there, POWER TO THE PEOPLE MAN! Dun Zidane everyone you see k? WAHha!

haha, GIRLS dun be too shy to pick up the application form k?
Ivan OUT!

2006-07-19T21:39:00.000+08:00

First of all. you all should know this tone by now... I cannot make a fun entry today. However the vindicated self will aspire to dissappear soon as the haze dies down. Hold on your yearnings for i shall soon return

But in this entry, I want to do a few things

After so long of what i think was chasing God is a stumbling block for me. Its not because i have too many ministries to attend to, but its because the idiotic immature self that stills wants to feed its self worthiness. I feel so selfish! I know i cannot do so many things, yet i knew that no one would do them, but i have not seeked those who might do a better job? Am I not a stumbling block to you if I deliver something not well done? Surely you would want to be out of range of where i would go! I do not want to curse anyone, But i do wanna say this to those associated with the evil one named Satan or Lucifer the fallen.

You may run triumphant in the fall of man, But in the death of His Son, You shall eat the dust of the earth once again. You of pure evil and hatred for the Lord, The meek shall reign over the legions where you lay domain over. From the beginning of man, to the end, you stayed to watch man kill themselves. You have brought us the age of decline and degeneration, And you prosper in the suffering of all. You who do not submit to the love and authority of the Father, You shall eat your words when you have to bow before the father over the damage you have done! You plague the earth, and you corrupt the hearts! I will not forgive those who seek deniel of the truth, those who prosper in the shadows of the blackened wings. The fallen stands on high grounds, stands on the head of men. He laughs and scorns those who try to oppose him. Yet Victory is ours! He have no longer a hold on those who claim the blood of the lamb! My friends! Jesus died to save you! And to prove that he can reign triumph over death, that he has already won over the gates of hell, He rose from hell to heaven! You can defeat the evil one! How ignorant are those who think that evil co exist. The balance of good and evil was brought to man in free will! Our sinful nature is what free will brings, Death! Why do you all justify yourrselves, make your self feel better? Why do you bargain with the Lord? I am a hypocrite, I done a good deed hoping that my sincerity will win the love and embrace of the Lord. How immature i truely am! I detest the flesh yet savour pleasure from it! Am i truely not a hypocrite? You who think you can sympathise, I truely want you to feel the Holy Spirit, who is grieved over the damage we have done. Are we not sensetive enough? Are we blatantly ignoring his will for us? The time will come when man will be against each other, brother against brother. Christians against Christians. Those who fight for what they believe will fight one another. The decline and the reign of the evil one. All will come to pass, so that the prophesies might be fulfilled. All for the Glory of Him, who seeks the return of those who want to return to him.

Ivan out.

2006-07-12T00:19:00.000+08:00

eh, let me clear things up first! I am not Desperately trying to get a girl friend!!!!!!!!! SO GET THAT CLEAR! and I am not asking that you have to have all the above qualities, just letting you know wat are some of the things i do so DUN ANYHOW SAY OK!!!!!!!

alright now that i got things pretty clear its......

~~~~~~~~~BLOG TIM3-MU~~~~~~~~~~

OH-KAY! Wassup wassup!? My brothers and sisters, to whom i know desperately seek a new entry every now and then, WILL FEEL HAPPY TODAY! cos why? eh, COS I GONNA DO SOMETHING! ITS D.O.C.U.M.E.N.T.O TIME!

today, managed to complete my project at pretty quick speed. How? I kept thinking that everyone thought i was slacking, so i thought i shock them if i do my work! WAHHAHAHAHA! bet you did not foresee my unpredictability in doing work eh! take that you hard working students, Ivan is on the way to TOP 10% woohoO!!!!!!!

heh, but then wat i really had fun was jamming with my gang today. I did not name the band yet, yes I am the leader... ( How come i sense some of you laughing already.... betta not let me know who are you.... ), wanted to give it a name like, "jellyfish" in jap! Why jellyfish? Dun you find those squirmy little creatures a little creepy? AH HAH! thats why! If you know whats jellyfish in jap let me know! cos i cant seem to find it!

Ah hah, some of you think that i demand too much from you girls! the truth is that, I REALLY DEMAND ONLY ONE THING! Is that you love the Lord as much as i do! And in fact you dun have to consider becoming my applicant in waiting to love my Lord, you should start now! AH hah, then later who knows, he might just place the right guy into your lives. ( maybe the one typing this blog now? eh heh)

You say i too demanding, let me say more about myself then.
- I do not like maths, but love science and literature, said already right?
- I was put in many leadership positions my whole life, some are:
- primary school
-prefect
-class moniter
-traffic moniter
-band leader
-secondary school
-peer leader
-cca ( squash ) captain
-cca ( Bowling ) vice-captain
-many more forgotten ones liao.

i know that you think i very hao lian. I ask you first, i actually trying to humble myself ok! I am who i am today because i went through all those! I train myself as much as opportunity provides, I know my Lord matures me in a very different way than you people out there, who talk very fast but hesitate to act!

K lah, I dun want you pple to think i very good or wat... I jus wanna say i sometimes think that i not competent enough out there. Want to know why? Cos it does not require me to do so. If i keep building up this ego of mine, one day, when someone telss me something o critical nature, my bloat-headedness will cause my downfall one day. Thats why pride is seen as one of the most hately sin in the eyes of the Lord. When David sent to get a concensus of of his army, instead of his people, The Lord sent the archangel Gabriel and destroyed everything he had!

Eh, so you still want to hao lian? Dun lah pls, later some guy name gabriel appear you better start apologising.

I am very happy to know that now and then pple like you do come by and visit my blog, very motivating! THANKS GUYS! If i ever make it big someday? ( most likely never, wat happened to being humble?) I will buy you a great big house and give you the time of your life! Like swimming in chocolate, or diving into a deep pool of ginger beer! haha, ouch that might hurt!

HAHA, when i learned that Zidane won the golden ball, i was somehow relieved... i mean, ok lah he did the ridiculous stunt, but come on man... he is going off liao eh! Learn to b merciful mah, ad one day Zidane will be merciful with you too. Wat ever you say dun call him a "terrori-" BANGG!! he will head butt you so hard, that when you jump for joy, she got stuck. Haha, just dun offend anyone in anyway lah.

really want to excel in studies, church activites and guitar. include sleep and eat and watching tv with family about 1 hour a day, thats like no time ah... plus i wanna meet all my brothers and sisters, Ai yoh! I might as well make this email ar: " toomuchfreetime@hotmail.com " or " see_eh_sian_arhz@hotmail.com ". haha!

Hmm, i know you all want the pastor sermon, eh i never see anyone reply about it one ar, must be you all either skip and read only nice nice one or just dun understand. ( Or maybe my english supe see eh powderful liao ). Either one, please got anything ask can? Just dun ask the following:

- What is your favourite color
- wats your prefered brand of clothing, zara or tiffanies? ( if you ask this i going to hantam you!)
- wat do you like to eat? (dun ask this question lah, guys can eat almost anything if it is tasty...)
- wat is your fav movie? ( too many liao, dun make me waste brain cells over questions like this )
- why is the sky so blue? ( ... same as the above... )
- why is it that you make other people look not as good? ( OI! i trying to humble... Ivan must Humble! tahan tahan... argh...)
- Is there anyone else you think lose to you in looks? ( wat sia, you trying to kill me ar!?)(of course not you lah, all you fans of this blog!All of you are beautiful in my eyes... #eye glitters# "shing!")
- ever think being so multi talented makes you special? ( er... i not sure how to answer leh...)

Anyway, phew, some of the questions you definitely cannot ask me. I sure stun for a while, stare at you, until people think you said something so lame i cannot activate my braincells again cos my brain cannot process your lameness, then all frequencies lost in my head then i cannot move. you get the picture.

haha, tomorrow got test, a little last minute study should do the work! Work hard friends, dun slack ok? ( COS THE ROCK SAYS ) ( A little outdated there ) ;)

OKay, anything just call me k? And i know many of you are concerned about me... i really dunno how to repay you people... i feel so crappy now... see lah, you all jus wanna make me cry only is it... wat sia! I AM A MAN! MAN DUN CRY! MAN NEVER CRY! WAHHHH..... why man cannot cry one! SOBZ ( my tears over runneth )

OK lah, enough of the sissy stuff, let me save some integrity by saying:

~~~~~~IVAN OUT~~~~~~~~