dated 15/1/07

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You have left a empty void
curved a unsatisfiable desire
I yearn for the slightest of your touch
dreaming of experiencing unexpected meetings

false hopes of fate leaves me despair
naive imagination inflates the emptiness of space
my search for the unseen glory
leaves contempt and misery of foolish pleasures

thickens fogs that clogs reality
i "virtually" observed myself at the cornerstone
silent eclipses haunts in flashes
for time is often stolen from thine grip

Rebuking all logical hypothesis of this dimension
stubbornness drives a deluded frantic find
if doubt were man's greatest misery
it shall be the thorn that motivates me

Empower my feet and eyes, O' Lord
just for another day of normalities
for what can be a step towards you
could pervade my desires to meet you.

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Chameleon

dated 16/1/07

Turbulent surfaces instincts beneath
surges true nature forth
a time of change, metamorphosis has come
I am the Chameleon

constant anticipated switch flicks
haste to neurological responses
thy cranium matter breaming within
I am the Chameleon

the Lord blesses a mind of illogical possibilities
of Bombast, Spontaneous reactions to situations
which adds to the value of the very life i live
I am the Chameleon

To the Lord of creativity, I worship thee
for thine inspirations could only descend from above
Glorify thy name, O nameless one
Flood again the earth with your Splendor

See how the wind blow and trees sway
See how you give life as we decay
Oh Great one, our knees are bended for you
It is thy honor to be able to serve you

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Dated 17/1/07

Once again the flesh starves for a compassionate touch of love
Is it something so sacred? That one have to sell more than what is worth?
If there shall be the consequence,
I will Gladly forfeit
Alas' the great fortunes of soloman
cannot compare to the price that love quotes
For love has no price, Its free for all.
Yet its priceless, ironically...
The longing for joined hands, clasped tightly, with the opposite
forces is consuming me
If only I can focus away my pains, my frustrations.
All other bodily pleasures still cannot piece the gap that pulls my heart together
I do not deny.
On every girl have my eyes laid upon
every feminine eyes whose glance i steal
incubates a perverse sense of hope,
that the Mighty Lord will bestow to me the one
The one who i hope to defy the laws of maths
where a feeling of understanding in logic is ubsurd
to whom my heart will be free and unaccounted for.
This yearning has sapped strength, time, female friends,
my grades, family, financially, and ways that i never foresee would affect
I quietly and in solitude, suffer

( Written slightly later )

The emptiness, the void, whatever name you give it.
Where has the happiness that once filled this hardened heart,
Left? Gone?
I sit in tight debate, my emotions takes over,
in control, lost all motivation for anything else.
Instinct says i have companionship, I really beg to defer.
the notes , sprawled messily on the desk, staying stagnant of
ink scratches that i remember no more,
My will to complete my diploma depleted.
My wants override, and writing is the only thing that calms me,
Is it the lack of society? a listening ear, probably...
But Should I all these words to be seen?
Seems like the tradings of sympathy should anyone respond.
Strange this emptiness. Could it be physical?
The neurons react inversely. This emptiness...
Its so familiar.
Could it be another burnt out?
AGAIN!?
And here I thought i am enjoying the ministry in which I
passionately feed my strength, blood and time in.
Could it be that my relationship with God is not right?
Suddenly, I've felt my heart beating, a more familiar, homely beat.
Its the rhythm of the Lord's calling.
"Come, all who are weary, and I shall give you rest."
thank you Jesus.

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Ivan out.