Sorry guys for not updating... pretty busy nowadays, ya know exams and all (though not busy enough cos i am doing this entry now... hehehehe...)

Just wanna say a little something. I am staying with my grandmother. She is the most vulgar, insensitive lady you can meet in ya life ( I assure you, so far i have not met anyone as unreasonable and obnoxious as her ). She is the reason i hate going home, stopping the family from getting together, stopping my spiritual growth (in some ways only ar) and causing me to get high blood pressure and depression at such young age.

She drove away my family and now i and my mum struggle day by day to keep up with her orders. She is ultra control a freak and she expects the best and highest quality about everything. she cares only about herself and only wants attention to herself.

but then today when i got home ( she pissed me off to school this morning ) i saw a pitiful lady, yearning to be loved. At the dinner table when i was quietly eating away leftovers from her lunch, she kept saying :

" Sian ar, everything is so sian... "

Dear Lord, really wanna love her with all my might, but her attitude is killing me. All my life i have been with her. how i pray that you Lord would have mercy on her and let her return to you...

Sigh, emoing now cos of my grandma. quite guilty also cos i slammed around this past few days cos of exams and emotional stress.

I think i have successfully failed a few modules tis semester. Due to the hiccup from the beginning of the 2nd term, i was not able to catch up and lost alot of marks due to the fact i did not do a single project. I am actually preparing myself to stay back one semester now. talked to my mum about it. she told me that she was already anticipating something like this. Then I was thinking to myself, " IF YOU KNOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS WHY DIDNT YOU HELP ME? "

Then i realised that my mum really was letting me live my own life.

some part of me cannot handle this freedom. I need someone to help me out, but not at the expense of freedom. sigh...

Early this week, though in the heat of exams, i was just practicing the guitar then i just thought about practicing scales... Then i remembered a Micheal Angelo instructional vid talking about the tremelo. I went ahead, and PRESTO! i found my new addiction! SHREDDING!!!!!!

for a long time i never felt like this about my guitar playing! i was wacking the strings at a speed around 190 - 200 bpm! or maybe even faster! but i did not know what to play with the new found speed. So now i am practicing my scales, although i cannot skip strings so fast so i play like each note like 4 times, but keeping with the speed of 80 bpm. learn abit of tapping today, that too is a joy. And a bit of sweeping and I HAVE MEMORISED THE MAJOR SCALE!!!!!!! FREAKING WOOO!!!!!!!!!

okok, gotta go. found back my joy of guitar! SEEYA SOON!!!!!