Hey there, just wanna update on what i am doing nowadays. For those who dunno, i am in CMPB awaiting to become a pilot trainee. Chances are, i think i will fail the first few trials. Cos i know i am not Pilot calibre, but i will give my best so dun feel sad for me :)

Well, life seems pretty boring for me right now, like nothing to look forward to? My faith is failing and my friends are getting busy. No girl to talk to, the only people i talk to also are going through hard times. Life seems pretty bad at this point of time. I no longer get free food and have to pay for transport, food and recreation and that is blowing a hole in my pocket. SIGH.

Maybe thats growing up? learning to live with lesser. I dunno...

OH, i know, i will start a new topic that i can talk about online. I shall name it...

.........The Cube : Perspectives from a single...........

Hmmm, why a cube. Here's why, sometimes we are like squares, we see things in straight logic, and even if we try hard to escape the system of life, we end back to square one. Pretty Square eh...

Well, hopefully my 3D ponderings can help me unravel the mysteries of life that bugs me so. Lets see, what shall we talk about today?

" should students get hitched? "

Hmmmm, well lets get one things straight. Its natural for all to "fall in love" when we start hitting puberty, when our PPs develop and bodies start maturing. But should students start dating?

For me, I have started dating girls since i was in primary school. My first girl was my buddy, we hit along well, and weirdly she would follow me everywhere i go. er... i think i will stop there.

Thinking about restraints when dating as students... firstly is time. Time might not really be on our side. But when both parties are in school with similar lifestyles, it is actually not a bad thing. But like when i entered Poly, irregular timings make dating slightly more complex.

Next is monetary capability. As students we still live off our parents, unless you actually bother to work, we do not have the ability to bring our dates to great expensive places most of the time. Well, lucky you if you and your partner have cheap similar hobbies that you both dun mind doing everytime you meet... And going dutch for a date, coming up with the most "romantic" date all the time is seriously draining...

another factor i feel that might pose as a danger for students is ... SEXUAL CURIOSITY.. yeah the big S word that every body knows. With the media nowadays, maybe even kindergarden kids will know how to have sex. and it brainwashes us into the wrong mindset of relationships. And i tell you, once you engage even once, prepare to be part of a downward spiral. Only morals and strong determination can save you in this area. We should learn to respect the opposite sex, and try to lay off those itchy hands.

Another factor is mindset, honestly in secondary school when we grow up slightly faster, we think we are matured and can handle bigger things. Well, sorry kids, even adults screw up big time. You think you know "love"? sadly, sometimes we have to go through like 3-4 breakups to know slightly what we want from our partners.

Yeah, so i feel like students can date, in fact you should. But I suggest that all students stay in the dating mode till they are older then get abit more serious. Believe me, you will not regret it.

Always keep your options open too, the person you are dating may not be the one for you. Maybe you were attracted to the person for some reasons, but keep it open. You will really know if the person is meant for you.

And if you wanna get very serious, date at least a year. Get to know the person inside out. You will need to reflect lots.

Anyway, I do not regret all the relationships i have been in...

Sigh and if you break up, its not the end of the world. The Sea is very very big, there are alot of fishes. So do not fret!

( oh yeah, a lady told me that if a girl wants to break up with you, usually its because they most likely fell for someone else. So keep the open mindset! it will save you ! )

if you are a student and you do not have someone, take the time to study hard and invest in yourself. Cos in the end life is like a business, you dun wanna check the balance sheet and shake your head when you see the times wasted away on someone not of worth.

In the end, learn to love yourself more. Loving yourself is the first step to freedom. Loving others is how you live your life, but you do not hold yourself accountable to others, you hold yourself accountable to yourself. You lose if you do not give it your all.

K enough on this, gotta get some rest. Good night folks :)

Ah the dreaded 22nd i will receive my posting, and whether i make it to OCS is entirely a matter i do not wish to deliberate upon in my head now. one week more and back to a line in a army song...

" Here we go again...
same old shit again... "

Haha. Enjoy singing while marching. COUGAR PRIDE!

Oh well. i do enjoy shooting and blowing things up, all the explosions seems worthwhile.

So how have i've been spending my time? hmmm good question.

Sat I went to teach Sab guitar, she seems to grasp the concepts pretty fast, but i got bored and slept while teaching her halfway. LOL. Her mum stuffed me with her leftovers. haha. Somehow i cant eat as much as when i am in tekong, seems to burn more there, thats why.

Then i went to attend a so called service, or rather i would call it, a meeting. Its called "PROFIT" or ....

" PROfessionals Fellowship of Indian Talents "

Its purely a indian community based meeting organised by GEMS to hunt Indian Talents to spread the gospel. The speaker hardly used the word of God in his message, I can still remember the reference he made, ACTS chap 16, regarding Apollos and Aquilis, tentmakers. Sigh, It was held in 7 days adventist church. And oh yeah, they are very well equipped for a tiny church, but the indian worship team sucks, no offense guys, you were anyhow whacking, the youths in my church can take you on anytime.

I wanted to leave almost 30 mins into the meeting, cos the worship was giving me a headache, try imagining a SUPER SUPER enthu worship leader, leading worship enthusiastically, but completely oblivious to the noise and disorganization of the band. Terrible. I had to worship in struggle. but then my mum asked me to stay so i stayed to hear the message if there were any...

NONE, just a marketing event. How earthly can this people sound.

Somehow i took my leave, met up with the rest of my family and went to Pulai Springs for a overnight stay in a executive suite. It was bigger than the suites i remember from the retreat or thats what i think...

Learned to play mahjong and a new game using poker cards, that 3 cards in order makes tens then see how many cards you have left. I did not know mahjong was so fun! I played about 6 to 7 rounds, haha i won 3. I always snatch my God mum's chance of winning. haha.

Then slept around 5 am, woke up at 9.30 for a terrible breakfast, I bet some of you guys from QLC can remember how bad the food is at the hotel. Went swimming, made some small friends, And had a massage! YAY MY FIRST FULL BACK MASSAGE! wasnt shiok but i felt great after doing it. After that i went to the spoilt jacuzzi soaked awhile and then bunked the sauna with lester for a session of detox. Shagged. Then played basketball, challenged lester, leon and their dad. Ragingly shagging.

Then had a lunch, a long one, then it was a long drive back home, went to my cousin's place, was bored, played guitar and sang for about an hour, came up with cool ideas for songs, and came back here, chiong all my facebook games and now typing this entry.

Ah long day, but thank God that its this way. I dun wanna waste my leaves.

Sigh, My spiritual life is no longer exciting me, GOD PLS KICK ME IN THE ASS TO GET ME BACK INTO MOTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol. it works ya know.

Oh well, God knows best la hor, I am leaving some decision making to him. Like my life partner, what am i to do with my life, my goals, blah.

Oh yeah went IT show also, this year one was good. I managed to get a cheap printer. and bought myself some "high quality" earphones to listen to my crap. haha.

Restringed my guitar too, no using D'addario's EXP coating strings, gauge 11, for my acoustic, went to Davis to fix the neck too. now it sounds like a maestro. haha, I think paul and darren's guitar still sounds the best lah. Learning ways to play solos too, esp in the key of G, I messed around with the E minor scales all over the neck, tried variations like pentatonic and melodics, got some pretty cool riffs, stuck with one now, hopefully it can be a signature in my solos in the future.

Singing for me is on off, I have a bad cough this few days man, but no better. I would choke when i laugh ( which is alot ) and cough out phlegm thats like yellow custard. Yeah its very very thick. I think its the weather man, its messing with my body. Guess I am still very weak la. so easy cannot adapt...

might be going overseas for the sake of going overseas... so please Lord, let it be a nice place.

KK going to chill now.

Ivan out!

Hi all, as you all know, i am currently doing my National Service. As the details of my training is sensitive information, i shall not dwell further into it. But I can say that I am beginning to adapt to Army life, and may sign up to become a pilot if i have the chance.

Do not get me wrong, I still want to pursue music. However, I still need a day job to sustain me. And now that i think i have more ability to control my life than ever. This financial freedom which i seek, would hopefully assist my mum and me to lead a happy life.

By which i understand that there is alot of hardship along the way. But which comfort is of no cost? I just want to live a life where i have my own roof over my own head, without having to account to more than 1 person. I seek freedom, and I am prepared to work for it.

I have to stop dreaming, Singapore is not the place where most dreams come true. For the shortcomings of dreamers are only too harsh here for artists. Music for me will suffice only if God deem so.

My stay in army allows me to drift from God, for its a place where ungodliness festers. But its where darkness do light truly shines its brightest. I struggle day after day in tekong, trying to hold on to my faith. And i seek no reward, but just that i can live to see what i need to see.

Drastic as my language is, I depress myself over certain truths that mankind have fallen to. We are victims of our sinful nature. And the true dangers lies in the people who think they are saved.

They are the more vulnerable ones, they pride over the fact that their sins are forgiven and look at others with pity. I pity those fools who think that they are truly saved through only one genuine confession. Please my friends, Is a righteous man who reads God's word once a month or once a year, less "Holy" than a "holy" man who studies the word everyday? No. He is not.

Cos under the judgment of God, we are one and the same, we are the descendants of a fallen humanity, and by mercy, saved through the blood of the Risen Son, the Christ.

I am not justifying myself, but i bring myself condemnation. Day by day i become the typical " I am not worthy " guy who wants to have no association with the place which reminds him of how low he is.

God has restraint from me what i long now. the warmth of a woman whom i can call my lover. For I have not met one who can say she truly loves me. I sour at the sight of happy couples, and i lull my reasoning with "logic". I know that I am not ready for a real lasting relationship. For God is still clouding me. But I know through the darkness, I can reach out, and faintly feel those fingers, which belongs to the one whom i long for.

Love is a poisonous drink that corrupts my profession. My emotions hinder me. Every book out, I wander empty. Not having a single clue what truly makes me happy. I feel so rejected by society the moment i shaved off the last old hair of mine. I have converted myself, and gave myself for disposal to the SAF. This new phase of life, I have grown to love, where only pain and hardship exists. But its through this pain, I see more than ever. I have lived a life of waste.

22 years of my life is gone now, I can never get it back. I cannot remember a time which i bled for anything. I was too complacent.

3 months of Army, and how i wished i had studied a bit harder, learn to abstain from relationships better. I have made mistakes which could have been easily avoided. This is the devil's victories. But I know God will still be victorious. For I know His glory shines brighter than the fallen one.God will prevail.

Thats all from me about what i have to say this time. Will try to update with something lighter the next time round. CYA