Yesterday in church was kinda a slow moving day. The weather was too nice to do something crazy and the sluggishness from the CE race is still lingering. Reached late again, and the service was the usual. Pastor's message was on about preaching to the lost. he struck a chord when he shared about sharing to his mum back when he was younger, and that the mum at first abhor the testimonies he shared, but was later afraid to accept because she wants to be with the father after her death.
Which makes me think abit. Life after death? Many people i know disregard their lives, heck i am one of them. Sometimes i say things like, its better to die too. But then who are we to say such things? I fail to see that God is in control... no matter what? Don once said that everybody feels like their own problems seems bigger than others problem, I agree. I mean We are the ones going through it and suffering it. I mean who would really understand what I am going through.
Life seems so sad all the time, I watch the news, sad, I see my family, sad. Its so easy to ignore the grace of God that keeps us alive to laugh and play. Jemie told me that life is good, if you want it to be good, I agree, but thats closing your eyes. Ignorance is bliss but yields curses (i have to add in those words) therefore i conclude that do not be ignorant! watch the news, talk to people and pray about it!
I know that i tend to avoid people sometimes, especially those i know with problems, but i know that i am no different from them. Cant we all see that we are all sinners in small or big ways? no one is more "Holier" than the other, we are all one body in christ! Why cant we share and help out with watever little we have? just taking time to listen have more effect than a misguided counseling session i find, I have lots of problems you see and often unload them to the people around me. Believe me i feel very good, and would always want to return the favor.
No one can honestly say that they do not need friends or people. We need them as much as how we need air to breathe. God created society and allow people to communicate in intelligent ways for us to be one big happy family. darn, i cant help being negative sometimes?
I almost wanted to change my principles yesterday, the philosophy of DUN CARE. just dun care what people think, do or say. Just dun care! Then we got no problems in life. things would seem better, the quarrels will seem like something from your neighbors house, earthquakes will happen only on Mars instead. Just dun care.
But I cant help but care. As much as my grandma screams negative and vulgar comments on my mum, i listened every word. And believe me, its not that i want to hear those words, but i just cant help it. Jemie said i am too nice, I listen to everybodies problems, i mean the real problem is not that i care too much, but its that everyone else does not! Dun we see people with problems coming to church? there are so many kind of problems people bring to church eg.
- loniness
- addiction to a certain sin
- hanging out with wrong company
- false beliefs and bad principles of life
- BGR problems
- family problems
- ego and pride issues
- rejection from society
- etc etc
And I am so disappointed that we cannot really help in anyway! I mean the youths coming to church only get more depressed sometimes. The only ones that really stay are because they grew up there and coming to church is part of their life. I mean is GOD in the picture?
Sad to say i am viewing myself more like a fake christian. A true disciple of christ has discipline, thus the word disciple, and sad to say i lack it. I am as lazy as can get. I wish that i do not have to involve myself in anything that would deprive me of lazing around and doing things i wanna do. I just cant be bothered.
But then again, my life is short. I am 20 now, and have not done anything significant in my life. I was talking to the other youths and realised that i have the worst results in poly after norman... I mean everyone qualifies for uni, but me? sigh...
Loss of direction, and deprived of a stable family. Single mums have it tough. they are the unsung heroes that have to work to bring up the family and raise their children as well. I know many single child from broken families, they somehow share the same pain i have. And not to mention, its a disease that hinders us from becoming better people.
For me? not knowing my father is a issue, btw i was born fatherless, and i am not asking my mum because she would tell me when she wants to. It affects me sometimes, cause i look up to great men in history and the world today and i am sad when i see families with fathers who work hard and care about their children. Families that stay together and have godly disciplines bring up good children basically, their academic and life progress are tend to until they start work and have their own lives.
Single childs have to work out their lives earlier and have no choice but to be independent in some way. the family is in their hands and they have no choice but choose a stable career and life.
But i want to be different. I hate to admit that i fall in the same trap as many other single child where life suck. but i have many friends and family members that care. Its just that God have blessed me with a bad start in life so that one day i will become someone, maybe not to the world but at least for my mum.
Lord I pray that the youths of the world today learn to treasure their families and spread the warmth of your love to other youths around as well. Everyone needs to be loved, and i know that we can feel more of your love when we gather in trust, love and in your warmth of your embrace. Amen.
Monday, September 17
Saturday, September 15
Just got back from last night's CE amazing race, a overnight race in orchard road that lasted from 11pm to 6am. Although I was just a station master, I am pretty bushed. But it was all worth it. I am sure the youths enjoyed themselves and learnt a few things. well i learned a few things too.
Feng Nan was 2IC, or HQ. He taught us how to use the walkie talkies or "comset" or watever he calls it, and actually i am not sure to be amused when he keep trying to make things complicated by using military style radio communication. Maybe he thinks its cool? I dunno. But I guess it was kinda necessary. During the whole race, other people intercepted our channels and tried to play a fool with us. In the end i think i still communicated better on the HP :p
Don did well for this one. Although i am not used to his perfectionism, i guess its necessary for a successful event. I mean i found it weird that he needed like 2-3 reky and he did put in effort to make everyone's files and info. Kudos to you bro, guess i need to learn something from you.
Josiah did something weird in macs this morning, he claimed that he wanted to test whether the sms board on the tv was working... so he sent a message that says something like " Elena's bdae was yest, she's A prettiest squash princess" or something like that... I found it really weird. Somehow i can guess that he likes attention from elena and even steffi? oh well, he is a nice guy that does not chooses his friends, he can talk to anybody. I am actually glad that he is taking over the youth. I am very sure under his care, God would bless the ministry.
Sorry but the hangover from not sleeping well is causing me to emo abit. Actually more frustrated than emotional... I was thinking , why am i always caught between 2 camps? My mum and grandma had a fight over spiritual matters again. I have to agree with my grandma that my mum said things without consideration and without thinking really, but i had to disagree to her childishness in handling everything. And now they dun talk to each other even though they see each other all the time. This is dumb... But i know this will be over in about 2-3 weeks. but ultimately the best choice is to move out, away from my grandma. Its not about the responsibility to take care of her or anything, she can take care of herself, believe me. But staying with her is draining to me in all ways.
How I am caught between? Both of em are old and need someone to help. So today even though i am so dead tired, i have to switch attention to my mum and grandma. And if they got anything to tell each other, i will be the middleman. I mean come on! this really is childish...
come to think about it, i see this almost everywhere i go. Even during my 3 months industrial training program, 2 or 3 of my supervisors fought because of me. Its not that i am so good that they all want me, but they were using me to show each other boss. I feel a little used now i think about it...
Then there are times with friends too, have to decide which group of friends are more important... there is my sec school friends, poly friends, church friends, and the girl i am seeing now to balance... I think in the sense having too many close friends is not such a good thing. I feel like i am losing all of them the more i try to balance...
then there was church. Peng Soon was my advisor and spiritual father, really. He watched over me and fed me spiritually.( talking of which i got to meet him soon, i did promise to see him this break :) ) then came the incident when he was accused of molesting kids... then aunty julia came along, found it weird how she supported the investigations on peng soon and snap up the position of youth counselor the moment peng soon got kicked out... But dun get me wrong i am not saying that i accuse her of felony, I love them both, but i am very sad that they could not work together. I learnt from Julia that she was the youth counselor until PS came along, but clash of working style and presto, the rest you can figure out.
I feel somehow empty. not because of lost of direction, but i feel that there is indeed no such thing as love. And love like agape love is really a rare thing nowadays. Where is the love? yesterday i saw the youth treasure their pride and ego more than loving the BB boys... I am really sad really.
going to the youths is a sad reality of what the world is turning into. A world without hope and people just caring for themselves, and they are happy compared to people who actually cared to care. No one cares about each other. they dun ask personal questions but crack stupid jokes, people who care are seen as intruders, and the youths rather follow the vocal ones.
yes i am rather vocal myself, I feel like i have lost my identity for some time already... I am not really sure who i am anymore... I cant be myself infront of people, I am really actually am person who dun really like to crap, but just want to know people personally... Why is it so hard?
And seriously, I have issues. I cannot talk to a girl with pure intentions. the intentions may be pure at first but then i become afraid to talk to them. Seriously, most of my female friends become my GF in the end, and then i lose them. sounds like a loser ya?
And then there is the people who expect me to condone to their situation no matter what. Like my single bros are kinda disappointed i am seeing someone. I mean COME ON. I never react that way when they are seeing someone! I support them and wish them the best, what i got instead? " wah, you choose the girl instead of us, you good lah"
watever. this crappy world makes crappy people, and sadly i belong to the majority. I am afraid of rejection, i mean i dun really have other places to go to. Family? thinking about our situation is more depressing than my other problems already. People say that i will be stronger, they understand or i am making selfish comments, i mean come on, I know i can be a better person. but so many things are holding me down! ITs so unfair! I really want to be a better person really. really.
I want to make people smile and fellowship, i want to see people loving one another without conditions, but i guess all that is fantasy. just a mere dream...
God, If there is one thing you can do? is to show us what motivated you to the cross.
Feng Nan was 2IC, or HQ. He taught us how to use the walkie talkies or "comset" or watever he calls it, and actually i am not sure to be amused when he keep trying to make things complicated by using military style radio communication. Maybe he thinks its cool? I dunno. But I guess it was kinda necessary. During the whole race, other people intercepted our channels and tried to play a fool with us. In the end i think i still communicated better on the HP :p
Don did well for this one. Although i am not used to his perfectionism, i guess its necessary for a successful event. I mean i found it weird that he needed like 2-3 reky and he did put in effort to make everyone's files and info. Kudos to you bro, guess i need to learn something from you.
Josiah did something weird in macs this morning, he claimed that he wanted to test whether the sms board on the tv was working... so he sent a message that says something like " Elena's bdae was yest, she's A prettiest squash princess" or something like that... I found it really weird. Somehow i can guess that he likes attention from elena and even steffi? oh well, he is a nice guy that does not chooses his friends, he can talk to anybody. I am actually glad that he is taking over the youth. I am very sure under his care, God would bless the ministry.
Sorry but the hangover from not sleeping well is causing me to emo abit. Actually more frustrated than emotional... I was thinking , why am i always caught between 2 camps? My mum and grandma had a fight over spiritual matters again. I have to agree with my grandma that my mum said things without consideration and without thinking really, but i had to disagree to her childishness in handling everything. And now they dun talk to each other even though they see each other all the time. This is dumb... But i know this will be over in about 2-3 weeks. but ultimately the best choice is to move out, away from my grandma. Its not about the responsibility to take care of her or anything, she can take care of herself, believe me. But staying with her is draining to me in all ways.
How I am caught between? Both of em are old and need someone to help. So today even though i am so dead tired, i have to switch attention to my mum and grandma. And if they got anything to tell each other, i will be the middleman. I mean come on! this really is childish...
come to think about it, i see this almost everywhere i go. Even during my 3 months industrial training program, 2 or 3 of my supervisors fought because of me. Its not that i am so good that they all want me, but they were using me to show each other boss. I feel a little used now i think about it...
Then there are times with friends too, have to decide which group of friends are more important... there is my sec school friends, poly friends, church friends, and the girl i am seeing now to balance... I think in the sense having too many close friends is not such a good thing. I feel like i am losing all of them the more i try to balance...
then there was church. Peng Soon was my advisor and spiritual father, really. He watched over me and fed me spiritually.( talking of which i got to meet him soon, i did promise to see him this break :) ) then came the incident when he was accused of molesting kids... then aunty julia came along, found it weird how she supported the investigations on peng soon and snap up the position of youth counselor the moment peng soon got kicked out... But dun get me wrong i am not saying that i accuse her of felony, I love them both, but i am very sad that they could not work together. I learnt from Julia that she was the youth counselor until PS came along, but clash of working style and presto, the rest you can figure out.
I feel somehow empty. not because of lost of direction, but i feel that there is indeed no such thing as love. And love like agape love is really a rare thing nowadays. Where is the love? yesterday i saw the youth treasure their pride and ego more than loving the BB boys... I am really sad really.
going to the youths is a sad reality of what the world is turning into. A world without hope and people just caring for themselves, and they are happy compared to people who actually cared to care. No one cares about each other. they dun ask personal questions but crack stupid jokes, people who care are seen as intruders, and the youths rather follow the vocal ones.
yes i am rather vocal myself, I feel like i have lost my identity for some time already... I am not really sure who i am anymore... I cant be myself infront of people, I am really actually am person who dun really like to crap, but just want to know people personally... Why is it so hard?
And seriously, I have issues. I cannot talk to a girl with pure intentions. the intentions may be pure at first but then i become afraid to talk to them. Seriously, most of my female friends become my GF in the end, and then i lose them. sounds like a loser ya?
And then there is the people who expect me to condone to their situation no matter what. Like my single bros are kinda disappointed i am seeing someone. I mean COME ON. I never react that way when they are seeing someone! I support them and wish them the best, what i got instead? " wah, you choose the girl instead of us, you good lah"
watever. this crappy world makes crappy people, and sadly i belong to the majority. I am afraid of rejection, i mean i dun really have other places to go to. Family? thinking about our situation is more depressing than my other problems already. People say that i will be stronger, they understand or i am making selfish comments, i mean come on, I know i can be a better person. but so many things are holding me down! ITs so unfair! I really want to be a better person really. really.
I want to make people smile and fellowship, i want to see people loving one another without conditions, but i guess all that is fantasy. just a mere dream...
God, If there is one thing you can do? is to show us what motivated you to the cross.
Wednesday, September 12
hihihi welcome back folks, thanks fer those who visited, i am actually amazed sometimes who visit this site... always the most unexpected people... hahaha, ( yup talking about you eunice ) kk promise not to anyhow type swear words liao...
heres a little refreshing video on you noob guitarist inspiratist on how you have to tune the guitar. this is straight out of a instructional video from paul gilbert titled "terrifying guitar trip"
so my friends, i have just finished a 7 hour movie titled "the 10th Kingdom". Its kinda heartwarming, but amazingly cruel in some parts. Imagine ugly trolls in punk rock outfit chasing 2 ordinary new york citizens in a fantasy world where fairy tale princess eg. snow white, rule. pretty cheesy, but entertaining in the end
okok. heres a bit about my first electric guitar lesson. MY TEACHER DO NOT PLAY THE ELECTRIC GUITAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he is a bassist in some band and for some reason gives me the vibes like he does not really knows what he is doing. however we crash course music theory and talked quite abit about professional musicianship. he mentioned the LCM or london college of music, and said that i should be able to jump to grade 5... :) according to him the exams are easy. i am going to take his word for it.
okok, been learning how to sweep pick lately, the raking exercise is amazingly boring and puts me to sleep sometimes but heres a vid that would definitely help us newbies out there! HAPPY SHREDDING!
IVAN SIGNING OUT OUT OUT
heres a little refreshing video on you noob guitarist inspiratist on how you have to tune the guitar. this is straight out of a instructional video from paul gilbert titled "terrifying guitar trip"
so my friends, i have just finished a 7 hour movie titled "the 10th Kingdom". Its kinda heartwarming, but amazingly cruel in some parts. Imagine ugly trolls in punk rock outfit chasing 2 ordinary new york citizens in a fantasy world where fairy tale princess eg. snow white, rule. pretty cheesy, but entertaining in the end
okok. heres a bit about my first electric guitar lesson. MY TEACHER DO NOT PLAY THE ELECTRIC GUITAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he is a bassist in some band and for some reason gives me the vibes like he does not really knows what he is doing. however we crash course music theory and talked quite abit about professional musicianship. he mentioned the LCM or london college of music, and said that i should be able to jump to grade 5... :) according to him the exams are easy. i am going to take his word for it.
okok, been learning how to sweep pick lately, the raking exercise is amazingly boring and puts me to sleep sometimes but heres a vid that would definitely help us newbies out there! HAPPY SHREDDING!
IVAN SIGNING OUT OUT OUT
Monday, September 10
hey peeps and feebs, welcome back for another episode of who's blog is it anyway! oops i mean all new episode of the rare christian ivano!
here's my life update:
now is school break, i mean a months break before the new semester begins, but i am in school almost if not everyday. and WHY!? FREAKIN' FINAL YEAR PROJECT! its the curse of all final year students (or most that i know of) and i lost my break!!!!!!!! argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
screaming does help btw :)
anyway, here in school even though there is no project meeting today. :( WTH!!!!!!!
sigh, screaming really does help.
okok. so what ya guys wanna know? i today just wanna crap around and talk anything i want and ya all the helpless victims of my mindless bantering. MWA HAHAHAHA!!!
what kind of movies do you like to watch? I know that people are very very particular about the shows they watch nowadays. i mean my friends and i decide what movie to watch at cinemas or which to download and just watch when bored ( oops ). but non the less what kind of movies do you like?
I like action movies, i kinda like those typical stories when a nobody rise to somebody, very inspirational and always motivate me that its possible to become someone one day. but i do not like shows that seems like the hero is invincible or something. however i really like the Die Hard series, watching the invincible john mclane seems very amusing somehow.
Oh and i like watching slasher flicks and horror movies but i somehow never watch those good classics though.
some horror movies i wanna watch:
Ju-on series
the ring (jap ver.)
black night
i know what you did last summer series
urban legends 2 and if got 3 then also 3
house of wax
the original night of the living dead, dusk of the dead...
etc etc
okok, its not that i am sadistic. actually i am still abit afraid when watching this kind of movies, i can get paranoid if too real ( eg. blair witch project, poltergeist, the ring (US), It ( stephen King ), The Shining ( Also Stephen King ) etc etc.) and slasher flicks or sudden loud sounds still make me jump ( the scream series esp the 3rd one although its not scary, wes craven that stupid idiot just put alot of sudden sounds to scare his audience, freddy vs jason, or any friday the 13 or halloween movies) but the are some that i really enjoy ( the exorcist, double vision, nightmare on elmstreet series,scream series,final destination series,jason series,silent hill and resident evil, dawn of the dead (hot fav!!!), land of the dead (quite bad, but its the last from the zombie movie founder george A. romario) and more)
yup i like my horror movies, but i like sappy romantic stories too sometimes... like:
a walk to remember
lake house
3 iron
blah blah, cant rmb as well as the horror movies...
ah well. nowadays dun watch tv liao, but still watch the news to keep up to date with the world. but recently been watching alot of guitar vid here's one from one of my guitar heroes paul gilbert in the G3 tours, this one with joe satriani and john petrucci enjoy!
cool right. today kinda nervous too, first day in rockschool... so wish me the best. oh yeah, i will post more vids i like so just stay tune, will try to update my blog every monday, so do check once in a while. SEE YA AND GOD BLESS! stay off the drugs kids.
~~~~~~~~~~~~SIGNING OUT TOTOTOTOTOTO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here's my life update:
now is school break, i mean a months break before the new semester begins, but i am in school almost if not everyday. and WHY!? FREAKIN' FINAL YEAR PROJECT! its the curse of all final year students (or most that i know of) and i lost my break!!!!!!!! argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
screaming does help btw :)
anyway, here in school even though there is no project meeting today. :( WTH!!!!!!!
sigh, screaming really does help.
okok. so what ya guys wanna know? i today just wanna crap around and talk anything i want and ya all the helpless victims of my mindless bantering. MWA HAHAHAHA!!!
what kind of movies do you like to watch? I know that people are very very particular about the shows they watch nowadays. i mean my friends and i decide what movie to watch at cinemas or which to download and just watch when bored ( oops ). but non the less what kind of movies do you like?
I like action movies, i kinda like those typical stories when a nobody rise to somebody, very inspirational and always motivate me that its possible to become someone one day. but i do not like shows that seems like the hero is invincible or something. however i really like the Die Hard series, watching the invincible john mclane seems very amusing somehow.
Oh and i like watching slasher flicks and horror movies but i somehow never watch those good classics though.
some horror movies i wanna watch:
Ju-on series
the ring (jap ver.)
black night
i know what you did last summer series
urban legends 2 and if got 3 then also 3
house of wax
the original night of the living dead, dusk of the dead...
etc etc
okok, its not that i am sadistic. actually i am still abit afraid when watching this kind of movies, i can get paranoid if too real ( eg. blair witch project, poltergeist, the ring (US), It ( stephen King ), The Shining ( Also Stephen King ) etc etc.) and slasher flicks or sudden loud sounds still make me jump ( the scream series esp the 3rd one although its not scary, wes craven that stupid idiot just put alot of sudden sounds to scare his audience, freddy vs jason, or any friday the 13 or halloween movies) but the are some that i really enjoy ( the exorcist, double vision, nightmare on elmstreet series,scream series,final destination series,jason series,silent hill and resident evil, dawn of the dead (hot fav!!!), land of the dead (quite bad, but its the last from the zombie movie founder george A. romario) and more)
yup i like my horror movies, but i like sappy romantic stories too sometimes... like:
a walk to remember
lake house
3 iron
blah blah, cant rmb as well as the horror movies...
ah well. nowadays dun watch tv liao, but still watch the news to keep up to date with the world. but recently been watching alot of guitar vid here's one from one of my guitar heroes paul gilbert in the G3 tours, this one with joe satriani and john petrucci enjoy!
cool right. today kinda nervous too, first day in rockschool... so wish me the best. oh yeah, i will post more vids i like so just stay tune, will try to update my blog every monday, so do check once in a while. SEE YA AND GOD BLESS! stay off the drugs kids.
~~~~~~~~~~~~SIGNING OUT TOTOTOTOTOTO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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