Moving on... Finally I have come to terms with some of the issues i have. Here is the damage report since the last entry:

- countless emo days
- confused about the future
- unable to study therefore i took a extended 2 weeks break after the 2 weeks holidays, therefore missing alot in school and failed plenty of tests
- Come to terms with a girl i like, now we are friends, dun plan to skip the friendship part, have to come to terms with issues like companionships and priority
- have a more stable desire of musicianship, was chionging like a blind bull for the past month, now at least more stable but still frustrated over which instrument to specialise in or whether to become a vocalist...
- finally got back the desire to help coordinate the church worship ministry, partly due to the fact that now wen xin is the worship coordinator.
- dropped my keyboards and now playing the guitar when can afford to.
- want to serve God more.

Thats what i have to report for the past month. I apologise to those who read my blog and got disappointed. I pray that you will forgive me.

I guess i was impatient and my heart was not really right about performing, however i am still excited to display my musicianship true worship, To Glorify the almighty father above and to bring the people closer to him.

I had a long talk with her today, and it ended peacefully. She indeed is mature enough to see the need to take things slowly, and that helped me to see many things. I guess i always wanted a taste of stardom, but what makes me think i got what it takes to hit the mainstream industry?

After the talk , I asked her for a quiet time by myself, and after she left i sang to myself. At first I sang about the frustration of loving.

" God, Is it that wrong to love?
Such a painful pleasure, Such worthless gain?"

Then I began to wonder why it hurts to love

" God, Could it be my own selfish desires,
That have tainted and destroyed love?
What I thought was joy at open waters
Have become death and decay. "

Then a thought came to me

" Why cant people love one another without gain?
Why cant people love each other like Jesus would?"

Then a contemplation came...

" I realized that one reason is that i do not realize
how much i mean to you...

I have devalued myself to an undesirable extend
I realized that i do not love myself
I do not love me for who I am "

" But you loved me no matter how much i sinned...
Jesus, you are right when you gave the second commandment
" love each other as you would love yourself "
Indeed such wisdom, yet it comes with such great price..."

" Love is patient, it is kind and never wanting.
love requires sacrifice and devotion.
Only you God teach such great things... "

" Does it matter whose denomination is more right?
What matters is that you are the Head and the Holy Spirit be our guide "

" Oh God, How great thou art.
You are worthy of all praise "

" I want to share your heart with everyone,
Everyone needs to know about your love and the message that you came to bring"

" Jesus, I want to help prepare
prepare for what man was doomed to go through "

" We will not be able to save many,
But I pray that through us, some may "

" People need to care about others,
and put their selfish selves one side "

" And when people come to love one another,
Then can they experience the love you came to bring "

" Help me to bring that message of love "

Thats it, I decided that i am going to start another band. this one only for the Glory of Christ and the members whom i know already have a heart to serve. However i am afraid to approach all of them as i am not that close to them.

I am afraid but God give me strength, I am not looking for a committed band now but one where we can enjoy playing together and bring the message that you died to bring.