Hi all, as you all know, i am currently doing my National Service. As the details of my training is sensitive information, i shall not dwell further into it. But I can say that I am beginning to adapt to Army life, and may sign up to become a pilot if i have the chance.

Do not get me wrong, I still want to pursue music. However, I still need a day job to sustain me. And now that i think i have more ability to control my life than ever. This financial freedom which i seek, would hopefully assist my mum and me to lead a happy life.

By which i understand that there is alot of hardship along the way. But which comfort is of no cost? I just want to live a life where i have my own roof over my own head, without having to account to more than 1 person. I seek freedom, and I am prepared to work for it.

I have to stop dreaming, Singapore is not the place where most dreams come true. For the shortcomings of dreamers are only too harsh here for artists. Music for me will suffice only if God deem so.

My stay in army allows me to drift from God, for its a place where ungodliness festers. But its where darkness do light truly shines its brightest. I struggle day after day in tekong, trying to hold on to my faith. And i seek no reward, but just that i can live to see what i need to see.

Drastic as my language is, I depress myself over certain truths that mankind have fallen to. We are victims of our sinful nature. And the true dangers lies in the people who think they are saved.

They are the more vulnerable ones, they pride over the fact that their sins are forgiven and look at others with pity. I pity those fools who think that they are truly saved through only one genuine confession. Please my friends, Is a righteous man who reads God's word once a month or once a year, less "Holy" than a "holy" man who studies the word everyday? No. He is not.

Cos under the judgment of God, we are one and the same, we are the descendants of a fallen humanity, and by mercy, saved through the blood of the Risen Son, the Christ.

I am not justifying myself, but i bring myself condemnation. Day by day i become the typical " I am not worthy " guy who wants to have no association with the place which reminds him of how low he is.

God has restraint from me what i long now. the warmth of a woman whom i can call my lover. For I have not met one who can say she truly loves me. I sour at the sight of happy couples, and i lull my reasoning with "logic". I know that I am not ready for a real lasting relationship. For God is still clouding me. But I know through the darkness, I can reach out, and faintly feel those fingers, which belongs to the one whom i long for.

Love is a poisonous drink that corrupts my profession. My emotions hinder me. Every book out, I wander empty. Not having a single clue what truly makes me happy. I feel so rejected by society the moment i shaved off the last old hair of mine. I have converted myself, and gave myself for disposal to the SAF. This new phase of life, I have grown to love, where only pain and hardship exists. But its through this pain, I see more than ever. I have lived a life of waste.

22 years of my life is gone now, I can never get it back. I cannot remember a time which i bled for anything. I was too complacent.

3 months of Army, and how i wished i had studied a bit harder, learn to abstain from relationships better. I have made mistakes which could have been easily avoided. This is the devil's victories. But I know God will still be victorious. For I know His glory shines brighter than the fallen one.God will prevail.

Thats all from me about what i have to say this time. Will try to update with something lighter the next time round. CYA