Yo welcome back again for another whole new episode of the life of the rare christian I.V.A.N.O. ( machiam i some kind of superstar like that ) haha

I got great aspirations, and my whole family ( mycousins ) will be involved! Imagine this!

My band's music--------Kellie's contacts
- -
- Great -
- Show! -
- -
- -
Lester's dance --------- Mel's Designs
crew


Eh! Together, we're entertainment! haha!

Anyway, School is starting tomorrow, always have that anxious feeling, guess i still aint cool enough to take anything coming my way. Got the timetable and stuff, kinda sucky cos there is this chance that the whole class has split, i wont be with the rest, its like starting all over again.

Attachment ended with us giving out ferrero roshe' out to everyone, saying our thanks and byes. Mr Lim the boss of the company sent us off with questions like...

Mr Lim: "So, Chinn Yi, ask him wat i asked you earlier?"

CY: " er... He asked us, how would you answer if a guy asks you something that you are not specialized in?"

Me: "erm, i will try to get back to him, go back and do a little research?"

Mr Lim: "Ok... You should say 'Because i am only trained to that level!'"

ok.... wth lah, wat a way to send us off. quite diao. Anyway. I met some of the guys later, and went to have seoul garden, where we were trying to kill each other with jealousy. then went to k box to sing through the night. Man, do they have lousy selection of english songs. All chinese. But hey! I learnt quite a bit. Sang with them quite a few jay chou songs, wei lan, sun yan ze, tank. I was like watching them sing like 80% of the 4 hours we spent there. Cos i was bored, i try to learn chinese while they were singing. But nothing to do, so i keep drinking. TIGER! ICE COLD. bwa haha. Then i did not go drunk but became extremely tired, because i slept only 5 hours the day b4. Then when i sing, i cant sing properly. My throat becomes quite bad when i drink. Then i help to clear my colleagues cup, man... So pai seh. Back at the company i was giving the impression that i can sing, cos sometimes i practice in the workshop, cos very noisy there, they shouldnt be able to hear me ( but thats one of the reason i am quite deaf )

Oh well, It seems like i am going to lose contacts with them. but i really like them alot, but i am really like on diff frequency with them leh, and they always speak chinese. Its really straining to be with them, cos i trying hard to hear what they say, cos they speak quite fast, and then interpret and understand. Then they always wonder why i so quiet, cos i dunno what to say, and when i respond, i sound weird.... darn it. I really want to learn chinese, but i dun really have people guiding me. I wanna sing chinese songs too...

Today, I couldnt go to church cos my body gave up after all that moving around. I just needed the morning to rest. And I really am touched. I dunno what my mum said to some of the youths, but they start smsing me to tell me to get well soon? Funny cos i was not really sick, just chao ta for a while. I getting sappy now, feeling too touched, i wanna cry.

Getting really tired of going to church nowadays, I wonder where are the good ol times where i can enjoy my times in church. Now i just go to church hitting upon assignments, and tasks. But i hold on to Aunty SH words, Its an honor to strive for the Lord. I will strive all the way for the YF if i need to. Now as chairman and worship coordinator, I am trying my best upon my busy lifestyle to study as much music and organising skills to improve how i run things.

Learnt alot from organising the big bang worship. I can see that the band wanna stick together. I am touched. Maybe i have decided to split into 3 bands. And that its a permanent one, cos of band chemistry and style adaptations.

I really am sad when i find it hard to work with Norman... Maybe he is too good for us? I just cant help it but crumble whenever i see the "professional" image hanging on him... Then he wonder why i cant control the situation... Then when i pull myself together and make a musical stand, he got his comments... I dunno... Then he got his problems of coming as and when he likes... And he keeps complaining how busy he is. Actually everyone is as busy, so am i. but he just makes me feel bad all the time... Like as if i really suck in the things i do. But he greatly influenced me to become something else, actually i began listening to classical music long before, because i saw him and Yang hui singing, i was jealous, and thought of becoming the one who will sing by her. Now i still want to sing with her, but not really because of relationships reasons now.

He also shown me that it is possible to make it out there in the entertainment industries. I always wanted to try and see how it is out there during my non white hair periods.

His singing style is also quite influencial. I sing high and used forcetos often to reach high notes, maybe thats the reason of my increasing range of notes. Cos i am naturally a bass but i wanna sing high, i increase my range when i train in singing both classical and modern songs.

Haha, and then there is hazel, thanks to her and lester, i wanna learn dancing as well. Lester always keeps me update with the modern dance world, while sometimes hazel teaches me some classical dance terms. I wanna learn more.

Keyboards, Its thanks to people like yanghui and bernice who influenced me. And I realised that if i pursue this area, my songwriting capabilities will improve. Cos its easier on the piano to bring out the melody, cos guitar you depend on chords and vocals, so you make something within your range, but with the piano, you can go further. Look forward to more of my songs friends.

some Songs i have written so far ( there are others, but these are the better ones) In Chronological order:

- Love display
- I wanna be like Jesus
- Sacred Place
- I need you
- Life (performed by VertiCross)

By the way, my band VertiCross is striving to do something while we still can to break into the music world with our lively and optimistic J ROCK!

About the 3 bands for the worship teams? maybe i should make Norman a leader? he is better sometimes doing control himself? or not yuki and steffi seperate? then it will be something like this

team 1 - Ivan, Don, justin/brandon, bernice
team 2 - Steffi, paul, eunice, andrew
team 3 - Yuki or Norman and dunno who is going to play the other instruments...

Argh! darn it, not enough people. And so many worships sessions to oversee. I should start recruiting guitarists liao!

Argh! why am i so noob! I hate it when i cant organise things! And with the limited level of music i have, i cannot bring the ministry far! I want to bring better and greater worship for God and for the people. but why why WHY!

Then there is my studies to compete with! I lost all interests in my studies already, but i need to complete it and try my best to do well to get my rice bowl.

Lord i really wanna do well in music, for you, for myself. I realised after a while that its not about the people anymore, its me... I still dream of shredding at insane speeds, releasing harmonious and angelic melodies, with high techniques and musical values, all of this in front of the altar. God why!?

Why are there so many things that hinder my way? And on top of that, my laziness. ARgh why?

And there is the Relationship gap in my heart to contend with. Why? Then the role as a responsible christian chairman, teacher, worshiper, counsellor, son, friend... Its so tiring... I hardly can satisfy myself... I am always looking for cheap and quick thrills to satisfy my heart. And then i also meditate upon the Lord, checking with the Holy Spirit that dwells in me, to cultivate myself...

I am not satisfied with so many things in my life... I am afraid that i will return to the Lord unsatisfied... very afraid...